Tuesday, March 29, 2011

First Look, HEINOUS Cover and Chapter Titles

Dream: Limbo

My Sick Story: Becoming Hate

Dream: Meat Hooks and the Damned

My Sick Story: The Grieving Process

Dream: Fear of the Light

My Sick Story: Broken Branches on the Family Tree

Dream: The Ash of Trees and Dreams

My Sick Story: Heathens in the Sun

Dream: Wall of Dead Flesh

My Sick Story: Decades that Bled

Dream: Wagner Family Reunion

My Sick Story: Resolution Reeks of Gasoline

COMING SOON from Library of Horror Press

Read a sample here

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Bugs Of Dhoooooooooom by Timothy W. Long

(The following is a story my good friend and co-author Tim Long wrote for me on my thirty third birthday. What a cool dude, right?)

Bugs of Dhoooooooooom

The day Mr. MoOn died was a fine one indeed. Not even a summers eve douche commercial could match it’s brilliance. From chirping cicadas to neighbors - who for once, did not require any help moving items around their house – leaving Mr. MoOn to his own devices.

McDonalds was out of the question. Our crack-mac-daddy of dhoom required a breakfast of sustenance. Thus, he arose to an eerily quite house and set about making the largest pile of Belgian Waffles the county had ever seen. The plan, such that it was, involved blending the ingredients in his bathtub. Unfortunately, his last batch of LSD had been created here. Yes, his wacky tik-taky’s, his trip, his dots of love, mixed with the batter.

Son of a bitch Leon had been by. Probably that very night. Ghosted in like he owned the place. Mr. MoOn’s traps were nothing to this man. There existed a school of secretive men in Koga – Shiga Prefecture, Japan that didn’t possess half the prowess that Leon did. They would weep at his fleet footedness, toss shuriken like popcorn at his fleeing form and yet none would ever be the wiser to his passing.

The waffles were prepared and set out on a eighty seven foot long table. Towns people came from near and far to partake. They brought a collection of honeys, syrups, and toppings of various girths, like a tidal wave of sweets. They rolled in, backed across his lawn, tore up tulips and daisys, cut down trees to make room, and even used the house across the street as a giant shitter.

Fun and games it was. Love and beer flowed like urine at a portapotty in Bangladesh. Chicken nuggets were brought in on a flat bread truck to join the waffle convention. A dump truck filled with gravy joined the hijinks. Mr. MoOn slaved over the hot griddle until it was night fall. Exhausted to his very core, he finally went outside to consider his constituents.

They lay in piles, sat in clumps, and ran in naked gangs that abused the wildlife in the area. A crafty raccoon saw the writing on the wall and high tailed it to the roof. He set up a video camera and sent the feed directly to Fox News who latched onto it like a junkie with a fresh bag of heroin.

The orgy started at midnight and ended in blood. MoOn, for his part, had grown tired of cooking Belgium Waffles one at a time. He heated a brick of aluminum to the point of melting, then shaped it into a giant circle and used the old waffle iron to stamp little nubs in it. As it flattened it grew until the new waffle iron took up then entire floor.

The revelers, upon learning of a new batch of super waffles, abandoned beating the shit out of each other to join together in a mass psychosis dream of forty foot tall grasshoppers. MoOn grew wise to the hallucinations and popped a series of pills to offset the images. Uppers, downers, sidwaysers. He finished it off with a cake of hash the size of a gold bar and promptly passed out.

Bathed in waffle batter, honey, syrup and massive piles of powdered sugar (more than once mistaken for cocaine), the party goers, led by a one armed monkey, scampered into the city proper and ate most of it.

Mr. MoOn woke a few moments later to a scene of devastation. His city burned. Flames rose into the night painting the sky a patina of randy hues. Across this nightscape strode things from nightmares. Grasshoppers the size of sky scrapers marched to the beat of a Ramstein dirge. The noise pulsed against the air as did the howl of party goers as they were consumed by the waffle seeking bugs.

Upon eating all the partygoers, the grasshoppers started on Mr. MoOn’s house. They ate the chimney, then the roof. They went at a bedroom and then patio. They found the kitchen and lowered arm sized extruders to lap at the batter - which didn’t last long.

This meant that they also found the trace amounts of bathtub LSD and consumed it.

Then, with visions of headless unicorns emoting rainbows and broken dreams from their asses, the grasshoppers consumed Mr. MoOn and his marvelous waffle maker. Leon watched from a shadow the size of a postage stamp. He cackled with glee and then faded into the night on ghost feet.

Then the grasshoppers started on the rest of Idaho.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Mr. Moon Interviews David Agranoff

David Arganoff is a man of many hats. I have been lucky enough to ask him a few questions, however, I’m only going to be speaking to the David in the cool writer beanie and talking only about books and such. David is in fact so fascinating that he is the first fellow author I’ve interviewed that I will post a link to another interview at the end of this one so you can read more about this creative, dedicated force of nature. But for now…AWAKE Monkey Faced Demon!

Q. Let’s start at the beginning, what made you want to be a writer?

A. I have always loved the power of stories, and from a young age I wanted to make up my own Science Fiction. My first Sci-fi stories were composed before I could type. My mom and I read a series of Sci-fi Adventure novels by Issac Asimov called Lucky Starr. I begged her to get Lucky Starr and the Rings of Saturn, because the cover was cool. She read all seven books to me. I wanted to make up my own Lucky Starr stories but Mom suggested I create my own character. So I dictated my first story to her and she typed on her old Smith Corona typewriter.

When I got a little older I discovered horror. I remember being in 7th grade and reading Stephen King's The Stand, the scope of the story and the terror of it was very real to me. Then I read Clive Barker, John Carpenter movies, they stimulated my imagination, and there was nothing else I ever wanted to be.

The ability to create a story that entertains and stimulates the imagination is pretty much the coolest job I can think of. I have a learning disability, and early in my adult life I talked myself out of trying. My Grammar was (and is) pretty awful. But I dedicated myself to the task, when I was about 27 years old to follow my first dream.

Ray Bradbury is correct about writing when he says the first million words are terrible, No matter how much rejection I faced I kept plugging away until my ideas and execution got better. It was long learning process but now I believe I am writer I dreamed of being when I was in middle school.

Q. Your novel The Vegan Revolution with Zombies is not only a well written zombie novel but it features one of the most realistic reasons behind the rising dead. How long did it take from the spark of idea to holding a copy in your hands?

A. Of the six novels I have written, Vegan Rev is the only one that didn't marinate in my gray matter for years. For example I first had the idea for Hunting the Moon Tribe during the second year of Clinton being in office. I saw Interview with a Vampire in the theater and walked out thinking, I could do better than that. I worked on it as a screenplay for several years, developed notes, outlines and did tons of research on Chinese mythology. The writing of the novel only took three months, but the various drafts and formats have had 15 years of work.

As for Vegan Revolution...With Zombies. Carlton Mellick approached me about doing a vegan zombie novel, it took me a few weeks of brainstorming, I chased a few other stupid ideas before I thought of the one that worked. Once I had the story and the setting, the character who works at a “with zombie” publishing house, it all came together quick. Pitched it to the Eraserhead team in February, and two months later I was writing. That only took about a month, and we spent the summer, putting it together. Filmed the trailer in august. We had the big release at the Portland Vegfest in September and sold out of books in 2 hours. From idea to Vegfest was about nine months.

Can't thank the Eraserhead crew enough, they really believed in this book, and pushed me out of my comfort zone to do it. I have written comedy short stories, but I never thought about doing a whole novel of satire, but I have fun and I'll do it again for sure. I am very proud of the book.

(Interviewer note: The trailer for the Vegan Revolution...with Zombies is incredibly awesome and very worth watching)

Q. Do you remember your first published story?

A. My partner Cari and I Co-wrote a vampire story called Addiction, that is still on the internet in a webzine (along side A story written by a young Cameron Pierce). It is a bloated over written story that contains some interesting ideas. Cari is a great writer and she has a hand written half finished experimental novel about a feminist super hero called Shrink, that is simply amazing, I hope one day she will finish it. She also wrote a great story that is the very limited hard to find Vault of Punk horror Anthology.

In many ways my first serious published work was a a chapbook called “The Gutter Limits” of horror and bizarro flash fiction that I co wrote with four friends under the name Booger Murphy. There are only about 100 of those out in the world, it pretty good stuff. Both Cari and I have stories in that book, I have a story in that called “He Gets Around,” about a serial killer Yard Gnome. I love that story. In a lot of ways I consider that my first published work.

Q. Cannibals or zombies? Why?

A. Cannibalism is not very vegan friendly for sure, but to be honest cannibalism doesn't seem any different or worse to me as meat-eating in general. I am turned off by all flesh-eating Bud in Day of the Dead,Ronald MacDonald or Leatherface it is all the same to me.

Zombies at least have no control over it, they can't help it. So I suppose I'll go with zombies.

Q. I’m a studious interviewer and checked out your blog before diddling this string of randomness I call and interview together. I see you got THREE very different novels coming ready this year. The first being Hunting the Moon Tribe. Can you tell us about it and when it will be available?

A. Very Soon! When I was kid in Indiana we had a horror host Sammy Terry who showed Horror movies on Fridays at 11:30. After Sammy Terry they would show Black Belt theater, so Friday nights would often go from Hammer to Shaw brothers movies. I would tape them and watch them back to back on Saturday mornings. I grew up a fan of both genres. I love Wuxia Pan movies which are basically chinese kungfu fantasy and I wanted to do my own take with monsters and vampire hunters. Really make the vampires intense and scary.

Hunting the Moon Tribe is vampire novel, but also a lot more. It's a heroes journey novel influenced Chinese mythology, and Kung fu movies. I am very proud of it because it is pure storytelling, and I don't think it is like anything else out there.

Q. The second, the awesomely titled Goddamn Killing Machines, seems to have an Apocalypse Now feel. Was the movie an influence?

A. That film was based on Conrad's Heart of Darkness and of course they were both an influence, but I would say World War II men on a mission movies (The Dirty Dozen, and Force 10 / Guns of Navarone) were a bigger influence.

It is the story of a group of military contractors in the 22nd century wanted for war crimes who are given a mission to kill an unidentified target on a hostile moon. Basically the whole ecosystem is hostile to human life. The target is somewhere along a river 11 times the length of the amazon.

There is another huge influence on the novel, but I think it gives to much away about the last third of the book. This is the most hardcore, brutal novel I have written it gets pretty ugly towards the end.

Q. Who said, “Smokey, you are entering a world of pain?”

A. Jackie Gleason, the honeymooners dude. BTW I saw Smokey and the Bandit 3 in the theater. My family had a Smokey and the Bandit 8-track we listened to on road trips in our wood paneled station wagon. No joke. I am not as old as that makes me sound.

(Interviewer note: Oh, shit, did I just quote Smokey and the Bandit? I was thinking Walter Sobchek from The Big Lewbowski but if it was also spoken in a movie with Burt Reyolds and his gorgeous mustache then you, sir, earned ten bonus points.)

Q. Six horror movies for an all-night movie marathon?

A. in order: Prince of Darkness, Hellraiser, Devil's Backbone, Chinese Ghost story, Susperia, and The Beyond.

Q. Typically, I ask all my interviewees how far they would make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. However the last vegan I interviewed, Jeremy C. Shipp, informed me chocolate held no sway of him and he alerted me to a race of plant based face painted midgets known as the Poompa Ploompas. So instead I ask you if you could get stuck inside any movie from your youth which would it be?

A. Chocolate and sweets have a sway over me, and for a vegan living in Portland is like living in Willie Wonkas. Read Stumptown vegans blog if you don't believe me.

To answer your question it would be Star Wars or Star Trek, I'm not sure I have what it takes to be a Jedi. In terms of Star Trek I would love to serve on the Enterprise. I would of course do everything I could to never beam down in a red shirt, that uniform would be in the laundry every time I pulled an away mission. I would also totally hang with Spock, Vegans should stick together.

I also would love to have been Indiana Jones when I was a kid and for the record I saw Raiders with my dad on opening day, and I think when the flying ghost turned into a skeleton is still one the things that most freaked me out ever. Close your eyes Marion! He knew to do that because he was a professor and book smart. Very cool.

Q. Your story ‘Punkupine Moshers of the Apocalypse’ is included in the new Bizzaro Starter Kit Purple. It just so happens Purple is my new favorite starter kit and due to the incredible quality and diversity of the stories I can’t even pick an absolute favorite. Can you?

A. For those who are not familiar with the starter kits I am in the third anthology of novellas by various Bizarro authors. I am super stoked to be in that collection, and love my novella which I have described as an epic fantasy meets 80's punk rock. As for a favorite, this is not hard, Cody Goodfellow is an old friend and one of my favorite authors. His novella Home wreckers is a great dystopian bizarro take on gender issues and has some excellent moments of looking at the differences between men and women.
Matt Revert, Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce,Garret Cook, Athena Villaverde and lots more. The quality is very high and it works out to be $1 per author to buy. You can't lose if you like weird fiction.

(Interviewer note: All three Bizarro Starter Kits are fantastic reads. If you haven't read them yet check them out here.)

Q. You write in wide range of genres are there any you don’t see yourself exploring?

A. I will never write a musical, well I don't think I will. I think of myself as a horror writer, because that is what my childhood dream was to be. As an adult I feel a bit more kinship to the Bizarro community in many ways because of the DIY aspects, which is natural considering my punk rock and activist background. Like many authors I don't like to be limited by genre. I love horror and Science Fiction, but I also write stuff that to weird even for those genres. I can tell you this I don't see much point is telling a story unless it pushes my imagination. With horror that can be trying to stimulate some strong emotions, With Science Fiction I think it is about pushing the imagination beyond the the normal. Bizarro I think another step even further beyond.

The story has to interest me, and I have to believe I am the one one who can tell it. If those two parameters can be met I'll write. I'll write a horror western some day, I have a plan for an anti-war horror novel, I have kungfu fantasy for kids I'm working on, and several punk rock themed horror novels.

Q. Quick, name drop five Bizarro talents!

A. Eric Mays, D. Harlan Wilson, Gina Ranalli, Cameron Pierce and Bizarro Super fan Zoe Welch. Any serious fan of bizarro needs to know these names. I command thee to Google.


Q. In a brutal alternate reality the Political Machine has resurrected every former president and encased their re-animated zombie corpses in well armed cyborg bodies. The cyborg dead presidents have cloned Ted Nugent and formed an army of redneck archers. Only a handful stand against the legion of oppression…Dee Snider rises from the ashes of a nameless former metropolis, in full Twisted Sister gear, and spots Cyber Ronald Reagan stomping on a school house. He howls the chorus to ‘Street Justice’ and grabs the ex-presidents attention. In 1,000 words (give or take) describe the battle and the carnage!


Dee looked at his feet. The bodies of Jello and Zappa were pinned to the floor by arrows, The Nugent clone army approached marching and humming the riff to cat scratch fever. Dee looked back at the ruins. Disk Jockey, Musicland, and Tower records were just beyond the flames. The Regan-bots continued to beat on the school house, chanting “Conform!”
It looked hopeless. The Nuge clone army would be here soon and replace the Dead kenneys with Foreigner, WASP with Bad Company, Rap music with Foghat. Ice-T was right about Freedom of speech, and it was going down. All that stood between a PMRC apocalypse and wasteland of classic rock was Captain Howdy.
Dee snapped his fingers twice and Burn in hell starts, without the intro. The Regan-bot hears the commotion and turns with a scream. Dee spins threw the crowd of Nugent clones dropping them to the ground before they can raise their bows. The Regan-bot hits the ground running.
They meet on the field of battle, Regan-bot doesn't know what to make of a 6'5 blond haired man in drag and Indian war paint. It is just enough time for him to grab Ronnie by the throat.
“Well Ronnie, Your gonna burn in hell!”

AWESOME! Thank you, Mr. Agranoff for the killer interview and entertaining DEATHMATCH.

You can buy David's books here.

For an very in-depth interview with David clicky here.

David's blog-chock full of reviews, news, and interviews is located here.

Until the next time, have fun and stay scary, friends!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Mr. Moon's Review of Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Rico Slade reads like `Falling Down' with a sense of humor rather than a sense of injustice. Except, of course, instead of a reserved and frustrated Michael Douglas we have Rico F'n Slade- the most awesome action star Hollywood has ever ogled. The story starts out snappy as the man behind Rico's badassness, Chip Johnston, has himself a wee-little breakdown. As his mental stability wanes Chip/Rico cuts a swath of comedic chaos across Hollywood tailed by his hard timing psychologist Harold Schwartzman.

Admittedly, the only frame of reference I have for Sands' work is his story Cheesequake Smash-Up from the Blue Bizarro Starter Kit but I personally feel Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a fantastic offering from an author maturing in the bizarro genre. This is a weird story filled with weird characters doing weird things. There is the randomness Sands has become known for but I would in no way call it nonsense. No, no, this is well crafted literary insanity. Sands' writing here is quick, intelligent, and possesses a wit sharp enough to castrate Hollywood. Highly recommended to fans of bizarro, comedy, and high octane action freaks that can take jokes (lots and lots of jokes).

Get your throat ripped out here!