Double Headed Review- King Scratch & DOOM MAGNETIC!

Two of my favorite bizarro writers. Jordan Krall and William 'CAPLOCKS' Pauley III, will be joining forces this year to bring you a stellar duel novella from The Library of Bizarro Horror. I wanted to take a chance to give you my quick reviews on a few of their books. I'll do King Scratch and DOOM MAGNETIC! this week and Fistful of Feet and The Brothers Crunk next week.



King Scratch
By Jordan Krall

I think Jordan Krall has added his own sub-genre to the amazing Bizarro genre and I call it squid-noir. King Scratch is my Exhibit A.

King Scratch is a story about the seedy world of moonshine smuggling in the ever seedy New Jersey. This pulpy noir nightmare begins with the main character Jim and his lady friend, Peggy, in the middle of some good old fashioned screwing when Jim’s moonshining ex-father-in-law calls. Red Henry (Jim’s father-in-law) babbles a string of nonsense at Jim that happens to stir up an adventure in the making. Jim’s ex-wife Laura calls right after her father and asks Jim to check on the crazy old coot. What follows is pure chaos as only Jordan Krall can unleash. Car crashes, penile insertions, rape, pancakes, men in stove pipe hats, double crosses, psychopathic generals, more squid parts than a calamari processing plant, and the most repulsive moonshine ever are all high lights of this quick reading novella.

To add to the pulpy feel of the story Krall switches back and forth between 1st and 3rd person narratives as he follows Jim, who narrates his own story, and Black Boned Keith, a man following Jim through Krall’s greasy New Jersey town. Wicked visions and hellish reality mix as both men rush towards Red Henry’s home/ moonshine sill. The story twists and warps all the way to the conclusion dragging you through puddles of squid goo to get there.

The novella also features four short appendixes that are all different and equally twisted. Each simultaneously fills in story and twists it even more. The one with General Entwhistle is one of the coolest things I’ve ever read, hands down.

At this point I’m going to admit this novella isn’t for everyone but those that it is for will dig the hell outta it! Krall is an absolute master of the depraved, and he can describe a scene that should make your stomach twist and knot like some people can snap their fingers. There in lies this man’s talent, he is a damn fine writer and can make any story damn good. This is dark twisted pulpy noir story, and a damn fine one at that. I’m a fan of Jordan Krall and his writing, and King Scratch is just one of the reasons why. And, damn.




DOOM MAGNETIC!
By William Pauley III


With DOOM MAGNETIC! William Pauley III creates a fast-paced bizarro space western adventure. A space cowboy, Maundin, has followed a mysterious voice’s instructions and stolen a highly valuable purple television. A very powerful assassin, Qoser, with a cue ball eye and a small army of meat eating monsters known as Mopes is tracking Maundin across the entire galaxy in hopes of returning the purple television. Maundin gets the drop on the evil Qoser and manages to saw his head from his body before escaping. However, Qoser is a badass of the highest degree and possesses the power to open The DOOM MAGNETIC, a powerful and mysterious void, and a simple decapitation isn’t going to slow him down for long.

So with that DOOM MAGNETIC is off and running in what I can only describe as the best action movie from the 80’s that never really got made. Pauley creates a massive universe filled with space traveling jalopies, super hot chicks, incompetent doctors, floating state/ planets, stale smoke torture chambers, plenty of beer, coliseum battles, and Ziggy F’n Stardust. In short this is a highly accessible work of bizarro fiction that I have suggested to several bizarro-virgins. In long, this is a quick-paced, quick-witted, easy-to-read, non-stop-entertaining space western epic that will keep you chuckling all the way through. Highly recommend to fans of sci/fi, bizarro, action, and bizarro.


You can snag your very own, non squid smellin' copy of King Scratch here.

You can find space/western adventure DOOM MAGNETIC! here.

Shawn Cook (A.K.A. bagabones) Gives Me a Pretty Death

Look someone else kills the hell outta me!

A few months ago we played a game over at the Library of the Living Dead forum where I slaughtered my friends one by one while they all pointed at each other. Killing games are fun games. So, anyways, after I gutted everyone I, being the cool mofo I am, offered them all the chance to kill me back od buddy/co-author Tim Long took me up on it and turned it into one of the coolest birthday presents I've ever gotten. My editor and good friend Stephanie Kincaid brought Heinous to life to teach me a lesson in curse words, hooks and tentacles. And now Shawn Cook, the talented recluse known as bagabones on a number of forums,has given me a beautiful demise. Without any further chatter....my pretty death...

The cities and villages belonged to the ghosts now. Bodies lay in decaying repose as the world slowly faded to silence around them. Here and there they eroded to their base elements; in cars, houses and beds. Streets were desolate as fear had forced most indoors, perhaps one or two littered the pavement unable to go any farther towards their destination.

Birds, once immune to the pandemic, now lay alongside the carcasses of cat, dog, pig, cattle and human. The virus was eating the life from the world with a professional’s ease and a mountain’s patience. Only the ghosts, multitude in their silent witness, gained any number.

Jonathan pushed onward while the fever ravaged his brain and his skin burned; his guts were ice cold and shivering. He’d held out longer than the millions who’d gone before, had held out as long as he could. Now, he was nearing the end.

The car slalomed as consciousness tried to escape into feversleep and he forced his eyes open a little wider. The roar of rumble strips as his car eased to the shoulder whipped him back to wakefulness.

Tears slipped down his cheeks, mingled with sweat and dropped onto his stained shirt. His right hand skittered across the passenger seat like a palsied spider, searching out that hidden half-pack of cigarettes under the detritus of travel.

It was there, buried under the crinkled paper with the screaming headline: “SUPERVIRUS DEVISTATES EASTERN SEABOARD!”

A pop of flame, inhale deeply, fight the urge to cough, exhale. Fuck cancer, man; that shit takes too long. Smoke fills the car and he cracks the window. As he eases past an overturned tractor-trailer the stereo begins to hum a tuneless white noise.

“Jonathan.”

The whisper was barely audible.

“Jonathan.” The voice was low and flat, oozing from the speakers. The radio has been broken for weeks. “Where are you going, Jonathan?”

“The beach.” His voice rasps into the stale air. “Wanna see the ocean before I go.”

A burst of static. “Ah, of course. I shall wait for you there.”

The odd conversation had barely registered. In a mind scarred by nightmarish hallucinations this was little more than a hiccup. Within minutes the memory of the voice had been scorched from his mind.


He sat behind the wheel and watched the ocean roll itself upon the shore. He didn’t remember most of his trip, only flashes of clarity he wished to forget. Hastily dug mass graves and funeral pyres long extinguished, suicides hanging from trees and burnt houses. Lucidity had returned, his body exhausted from fighting, the heat under his skin lowered to a dull throb.

A figure appeared from behind a dune, far enough away for the features to be indistinct but Jonathan could tell it was a man.

A survivor, untouched and healthy? Doubtful. Perhaps another like-minded individual, plague ridden and dying, such as himself. He sneezed once, twice explosively into the air and tried to ignore the blood that now coated the steering wheel, dash and windshield.



************************************************


The sun felt good upon his shoulders. The sand pulled at his shoes. The sea driven breeze was almost cleansing. His fever began to return, snarling through his body; deadlier this time. He didn’t have long. Not long at all.

As he approached the figure, Jonathan began to tremble. Not entirely from the sickness. Although he looked human, this man was neither survivor nor victim, he was something else entirely. The pale skin and worn clothing had marked him as a shut-in lucky enough to have outlasted the plague. The eyes, black as the deepest ocean trench said otherwise.

“Hello, Jonathan.” The stranger’s mouth never moved.

Vertigo flooded into the spaces from which equilibrium fled and Jonathan slipped to the sand, sick and dizzy.

His mouth worked the word twice before his voice managed to speak.

“Who….?”

“An escort, if you will. You are one of the last.”


The stranger placed a knee in the sand next to where Jonathan rested and laid a boney hand upon the nape of his fevered neck. Jonathan’s eyes never left the restless, eternal ocean. The voice of the strange man spoke softly into Jonathan’s ear, one syllable; drawn out to coalesce with the crashing tide.

“Breathe.”

He inhaled as the world grew black at the edges and could feel his body being laid on its back in the sand.

“Let it go, Jonathan. Let it all go.”

Jonathan exhaled his last breath as those long past welcomed him with open arms.

Mr. Moon's Review of A Life On Fire

I gleefully spend most spare hours I can with my nose in a book. I have stacks of horror and bizarro novels that litter my house. Books that shock, books that scare, and books that make me laugh out loud. And now, it’s time for something different…Chris Bowsman’s A Life on Fire.

A Life on Fire is one man’s journey into the flaming hell of depression. Gerald McManner is a young man at the cross-roads of life. His young wife recently committed suicide, leaving Gerald a total mess with more questions than joys. His job is monotonous and grates on his nerves. He has built a wall around him casting friends out of his private hell. Gerald turns to beer as a means of dealing with his pain and feelings but soon he finds himself in a twisted reality that defies logic time and time again. As the story progresses reality falls away for poor Gerald until he is forced to face up to the pains of life and either give up or carry on.

Bowsman has crafted a very emotional story and peppered it with weirdness and heartache that never lets go. There are some of the things I love about horror (monsters and turmoil) and some of the things I love about bizarro (twisted realities and enduring weirdness) but this novel stands out on its relentless emotional power. This is not a ‘feel good’ read. In fact, several passages punched me right in the heart with the force of a mallet and seriously brought me down. THAT IS HOW POWERFUL IT IS. The scenes with his wife were unflinchingly real and heart breaking, giving deep depression center stage in a way that almost turns the pages for you. Once you start on A Life on Fire you have to see how it turns out despite the emotional toll it takes. Again, I feel this demonstrates the quality of the work.

A Life on Fire is one of the most powerful novellas I’ve read in the past few years. It takes a twisted and fearless look at human sadness and resilience in a way fans of horror and bizarro should eat right up. I highly recommend A Life on Fire if you are looking for a read that will push your emotional buttons and constantly leave you wondering what can possibly happen next. Be warned, dear reader, as this is a story that will stick with you…as most great works do.

Click here for your heartpunch!

Two More Reviews of my Horrorcore Novel HEINOUS

Heinous has been out for a full week now! I am very proud to share the links to two more great reviews for it. ****WARNING- A FEW SMALL SPOILERS******

Patrick D'Orazio is not only a Monkey Faced Demon alumni, not only the author of The Dark Trilogy, but also a very fair and consistent book reviewer. Swing by his blog and check out the detailed review of Heinous he was kind enough to do.

Darkmarkets.com is an on-line site that specializes in all the things that bump and slither in the night for all us horror-writer-ly types. Lorna D. Keach read and reviewed Heinous as well this weekend and you can find the GORE-stained review here!

So, for those of you keeping score...that's one review that said my dark humor makes it, another the story its self, and one for the depraved gore I inflict upon you. Really, now, what are you waiting for?

Order your own copy of my horrorcore masterpiece Heinous now!

HEINOUS is the Must Read of the Week at The Author Speaks

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to get interviewed by author Eric Mays (he who wrote Naked Metamorphosis from the outstanding New Bizarro Author Series) on The Authors Speak Series. The interview was a blast as Eric is a great guy and fellow fan of scary-as-shit-horror and weird-as-shit-bizarro. And now, Mr. May's has not only reviewed my horrorcore novel, Heinous, but he went and made it 'The Must Read of the Week'!

Check out the interview and review and then getcha' some HEINOUS for yourself!

HEINOUS HATH ARRIVED!!!

My horrorcore masterpiece is now available!

HEINOUS, HEINOUS, HEINOUS!!!

What 'THEY' Say About Heinous

I received my PROOF copy of Heinous this week and it was perfect! Next step is getting it live which should only take a few short days. In the meantime, I wanted to share the finished cover and the stellar collection of blurbs I've been fortunate enough to receive from some truly talented writers and just plain bad ass humans. I know people need to hear a book is incredible from at least five people before they will spend money on it. Well, here is people telling you how much Heinous rocks.


“Imagine looking out the window and seeing your infant child standing in the middle of a busy street. That sunken chest punch in the gut feeling is all I can compare HEINOUS with. Jonathan Moon shows no mercy.”-­-William Pauley III-­‐author of DOOM MAGNETIC! and The Brothers Crunk


"Uniquely disturbing, disturbingly unique"-­-­Jessica Brown-­‐horrornews.net and darkmarkets.com


“Heinous will suck you in with its easy, lyrical style so that it can electroshock you with straight-­‐up gorgeous fear. Lines like, My memories are ghosts. Ghosts wrapped in barbed wire will haunt you to sleep. This book kicks ass. Jonathan Moon is one scary dude.”-­-­Kevin Shamel, author of Rotten Little Animals and Island of the Super People


"[HEINOUS is] A breakneck hell-­‐ride through the heart and mind of a rising talent. Once you're in, there's no stopping."--­David Dunwoody, author of EMPIRE'S END and UNBOUND & OTHER TALES


"Get to know a man named Gavin Wagner and his dark friend inside, HEINOUS. Heinous will possess you to keep turning the pages into his world, and it is a dark one. What starts out as a vivid nightmare twists its way into a brutal reality of depravity and violence. This novel jolts you into and out of reality in whiplashes of macabre dreamscapes and morbid intent. Jonathan Moon is a name in Horror to be reckoned with. His words bleed with dim adjectives that blanket the reader in a gloomy sense of dread. Moon skillfully guides you down a pitch black path...with something sinister waiting around every corner and for you, the reader... there is
no light."-­-­Jason Hughes, author of Without Notice and screen-writer of Dead Girls Don’t Cry



“From the haunting, mesmerizing opening to the stunning, pitch perfect conclusion, Mr. Moon weaves a tale of raw brutality and sheer terror that will stay with you long after you finish reading.In a word-­ Brilliant.“-­-­Bryan Hall,author of Containment Room Seven



"Like a claustrophobic nightmare, Jonathan Moon carves out a dark dreamscape filled with ghastly images and dark terror in Heinous."-­-­Bowie V. Ibarra,­author of the 'Down the Road' zombie series


“It’s like Jonathan Moon ripped out my inner child and beat it with a shovel. Heinous is also an early contender for horror novel of the year.”--­Timothy W. Long, author of The Zombie Wilson Diaries


So there you have it! Available VERY VERY SOON Heinous, Heinous, Heinous!!!