Mr. Moon Interviews David W. Barbee

Bizarro, for those of you that don't know, is a relatively new genre hitting the fiction world like a palm thrust to the throat. Sometimes intelligent, sometimes ridiculous,often violent and sexual, and always entertaining. I had the chance to send a handful of questions to a bright new talent in the Bizarro world; none other than David W. Barbee. I sent the questions to his secret hideout where he communicates with that fascist little bastard 898.What follows are his answers. I almost feel like I should hand out giant plastic sheets like Gallagher used to. Except it would shield you not from chunks of watermelon but the vomit, gore, and Oompa Loompa arterial spray. Enjoy!


Q. So your novel Carnageland was published by the rad Eraserhead Press as part of The New Bizarro Author Series. Can you tell us about the N.B.A.S. and some of your fellow N.B.A.S. authors?



A. The NBAS is a dastardly plot to incubate new bizarro drones for when Eraserhead Press takes over the world. As for the current members, I can only say very good things. Eric, Pat, and Kevin are some of the smartest, friendliest, and most creative folks I’ve ever met. I love those guys so much that I’m drawing pictures of Invader 898 killing each of them in gruesome fashion. They’re awesome. With any luck, we’ll all move up the bizarro ladder and another group of eager writers will form the next incarnation of the NBAS.





Q. What the hell made you want to become a writer?



A. I’ve always been creative. When I was a kid, I wanted to either write or draw comic books, but when I was fifteen, I decided once and for all that I wanted to be a novelist. So I started teaching myself to write, and I’ve been trying to grow and evolve my work ever since then. Thankfully, I fell in with Eraserhead Press, a bunch of weirdos I look up to who deemed me worthy enough to join their ranks. I’ve not only met some of my favorite authors, I got to hang out with them. We’re all pals now. Fifteen-year-old David would shit his pants if he saw me now.





Q. You draw crazy violent pictures and make wicked sick toys, any other secret talents?



A. I can play the harmonica with my anus

(Interviewer note: It's not secret if there's a YouTube video of it.)



Q. ALL TIME favorite bad guy from books or movies?



A. Cain from Robocop 2, a big robot with a drug-dealer’s brain. Robot AND drug-dealer? Even I find that despicable.





Q. What are you working on right now?



A. A lot of different stuff. Mainly promoting Carnageland, but I’m also illustrating a few comic strips that’ll be coming out in the fall. Jordan Krall is writing them and I’m doing the art. It’s going to be really weird and will explode many skulls.





Q. Who said, “Also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.” ?



A. Walter Sobchak, who is a great American by the way. He doesn’t fuckin’ roll on Shabbos and neither should anyone else.

( Interviewer note: High Five!)



Q. Why does David Barbee write Bizarro fiction and not vampire romance novels?



A. Because I hate money.





Q. If you could pick six horror movies for an all night horror movie marathon what would they be?



A. Braindead, The Fly, Re-Animator, American Werewolf in London, and the Thing.


( Interviewer note: I assume the sixth that he didn't want to share with you is Critters)


Q. How far would you have made it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?



A. I sneak away from the crowd as they gawk at machine that makes chocolate hearts for Valentine’s Day that have actual heartbeats. I make my way to Wonka’s office, and I only have to slit three Oompa Loompa throats in the process. Inside Wonka’s office, I rob his safe, because he has half a fucking safe and that’s ridiculous.





Q. A mummy or The Creature from the Black Lagoon?



A. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Frankenstein and Dracula are classics, but where’s the love for the lizard/fish guy? Everybody writes these romantic vampire or werewolf books. Hell, even Frankenstein and the mummy probably have some erotica based on them. But nobody wants to fuck the lizard/fish guy? That’s not cool. Show the Creature some LOVE, ladies.





Q. Are you stepping in the ring for the Bizarro Showdown at Bizarrocon this year?



A. Yeah. I have no idea what I’m going to do or say. If people want to send me ideas for how to win the Showdown, give me a shout!





Q. I read on a bathroom wall that September 11, 2010 is intergalactic Carnageland Day, please for the love of Cthulhu tell me more!



A. The bathroom wall speaks true. September 11th is going to be an extravaganza of cosmic dimensions. On that day, we’re all going to attack Carnageland’s Amazon page, causing an awesomeness overload that may blow up Seattle. I want people to tag, review, and BUY (for yourself or a friend) my book. You can even call bookstores and tell THEM to buy it, then read it for free in the store. Same with libraries. In return, Inpire Inc has authorized me to provide the masses with exclusive artwork, customized action figures, and many other treasures. So if you help Carnageland, by all means tell me so, because I’m rewarding your service and there are only NINE action figures in this batch!
(Interviewer note: I HUGELY support this. I think all of you should join the party and buy Carnageland on September 11, 2010)
(Interviewer note: Dude,I will fist fight for one of those action figures!)



Q. Quick, name drop five great Bizarro talents!



A. CM3, Kevins Donihe & Shamel, Jordan Krall, and Cameron Pierce. Wish I could add more.


(Interviewer note: Between Barbee and I the word 'Krall' appears 30 times in this interview. That's more than 'the', 'and', and 'fuck'. And that's why we call him Boss Krall...okay 31.)


DEATHMATCH Question



Q. After months of internet death threats the time has come for YOU (David Barbee) and Jordan ‘Boss’ Krall to settle your differences once and for all. The two of you meet at the official set of Bloodsport. You are both wearing monster truck driver coveralls with bright patches for your sponsors. Garrett Cook wraps all of your fists in double sided tape, gives you each a chug of whiskey, then smashes the bottle into a box full of shattered bottles. You and Krall stand trucker cap to trucker cap and roll your fists in the glass; trying to get as many large shards to stick to your knuckles as possible. Your soul patch twitches and growls. Krall’s beard changes color three times before settling on maroon. At the exact same instant you two are about to begin the fight of your life the far set wall collapses under the weight of a flood of zombified 80’s television stars! Do you team with your arch nemesis before Uncle Jesse can tear you to shreds? Do you cheap shot the shit out of him and run?

You have 1000 words to describe the carnage and the outcome!



A:
Mr. Belvedere steps forward and slices through Krall’s flabby stomach, spilling ropes of bloody tentacles. The fat dead butler pushes Krall to the floor. Krall scrambles away only to slip on one of his own gut-tentacles. His glasses are broken, he’s puking green stuff, and Belvedere looms above him. Barbee’s fist suddenly smashes through Belvedere’s gooey face, splashing Krall with necrotic slime. Barbee pulls Krall up to his feet and quickly uses him as a human shield as Webster flies at them like a spider monkey. Webster chews on Krall’s face as Barbee turns to see the Seavers, the Keatons, and the whole cast of the Wonder Years ambling forward. Barbee rips off Krall’s left arm to defend against them. Krall and Barbee are the last two living people in the Kumate now. Webster has his hand down Kralls throat to the elbow, and Barbee bats the snarky little bastard away. Webster goes flying, ricocheting off of the Fat Man and knocking Jake’s head off. The Seavers and the Keatons are still coming. Barbee waves Krall’s arm over his head several times, then cracks it like a whip. He starts beheading corpses while Krall runs around screaming, bright pink slime splashing out of the hole where his arm used to be. Barbee runs through the horde, slaying zombies left and right and accidentally elbowing Krall in the back of the head. A roaring groan fills the arena and the zombies part to reveal the king of them all: Cosby. His sweater is gray, orange, purple, yellow, and red. Cosby’s dead throat screams into the sky and he charges forward. Barbee peels Krall off the floor and quickly lights his hair on fire. Barbee waves fire at the zombies, holding Krall’s stiff skeleton high like a torch. But Cosby isn’t afraid. He tackles Barbee to the floor, but Barbee manages to hold on to his weapon. He uses Krall to club Cosby across the head. Krall’s flaming hair finally snuffs out. He flails against Cosby’s skull until the king of 80’s zombies’ brain liquefies and leaks out of his skull. Without Cosby, the other zombies collapse to the floor, harmless and truly dead. Barbee drops Krall, now a smoking sack of bones. Krall staggers to his feet as Barbee bends down and grabs a handful of MacGuyver’s face. Turning, Barbee is met with a lead pipe through the eye socket. Krall stands victorious, tears of vomit streaming from his melted eyes.


GREAT ANSWER! Killer battle!
Ladies and Gentlemen, David W, Barbee!



You can find David at...
facebook- http://www.facebook.com/david.w.barbee
And his blog (which features chapters of Snufftunes!)- http://davidwbarbee.wordpress.com/
OR skip all that and go straight to amazon.com and make him rich

NEXT UP....GARRETT COOK!!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews David Naughton-Shires

Welcome to the second interview here on my Monkey Faced Demon Blog.... This time I sent my questions clear to Ireland for David Naughton-Shires!
David is a writer and an artist. Here's what he had to say to my nonsense....

Q. I’ve been impressed with a lot of the things I’ve seen from your design company, The Image Designs, How long have you been designing?

A.
I first started drawing seriously at Art College about 23 years ago but only got into the designing (computer based) about 8 years ago and am totally self trained (yup I am that old that when I went to college we didn’t study computers as part of an art course!!!)

Q. You worked with Robert Cordray on the sweetly titled Grunge Bob Camo Pants, can you tell me a little about it?

A. The character ‘Grunge Bob’ is Robert’s baby he told he was just walking down the road one day and the idea jumped into his head, he had no idea what he looked like beyond he wore Camo Pants and was about 9 years old, had a pet wolf called Shelby (same as his dog’s name) and was an orphan.
He put out a call in the Library of the Living Dead Press forum for someone to illustrate the story and I answered that call. I sent him my first sketch of Grunge Bob and Robert love it 3 months later there was a fully illustrated book being published by The Library of the Living Dead. It will be available (hopefully signed by both of us if we can get them to Ireland and back in time) at Horror realm and via the Grunge Bob website ( http://grungebobcamopants.com)


Q. You’ve also designed some book covers for independent horror authors, care to name drop them?

A. Robert Cordray liked my art so much he has got me to design his next two book covers, his follow up to his book Zombies 101 called Zombies 101:FAQ, and the sequel to his Zombie novel ‘Memoirs of a Haunted Man’ itself called MOAHM: Road to Hell,) The first book cover I did was by Benjamin Rogers for his first book in the Trilogy Of The Undead ‘Faith & The Undead’
Outside of the Zombie genre two other I can mention are an author ‘Made in DNA’ who is an American living in Japan who writes some of the best sci-fi fiction I have read that is most definitely not for minors, and fantasy author Lawrence Button.
One of my favourite recent covers was for Lyle Perez from undeadinthehead.com he has put together a Zombie Christmas Anthology in aid of a local Huggs.org a local charity that assists with foster care


Q. What is keeping you busy currently?

A. Right now I have a lot illustration work going on, already we are nearing completion on the second Grunge Bob book, I’ve been creating a set of 10 character illustrations for an upcoming Graphic Novel called ‘Dead On Earth: Beginnings’ (deadonearth.com) which should be ready for ZomCon I am also writing journal entries for my character Mal Turner for the upcoming novel Dead On earth as well.

I am working with Ben Rogers and his publicist Beth LeFond on a graphic novel version of his book ‘Faith & The & Undead’ which we hope will be at least 6 issues long and hopes to be able to delve deeper into some of the scene mentioned in the book, and on a back burner Ben and I are co-writing a fully illustrated novel called The Templar: True Origins.

Another co-production project I am working on is an illustrated book of poems by a lady who goes by the name of ‘The Poetress of Death’ Angelica Raene (angelicaraene.blogspot.com) we don’t have a publisher yet so any out there who wants a kiss ass publication give me a shout ;)

But wait the list goes on I am working on a full set of Masonic inspired tarot cards, various poster, flyers, logos (my most recent being for a Regatta of all things so it’s not just Horoor) and a new popular area are my PostAds (postcards business cards)



Q. Who is your favorite Dr. Who?

A. Easy Tom Baker, he was MY Dr when I was growing up I shared many an adventure with him on a Saturday evening when I say shared I of course mean he was in the Tardis fighting the Daleks or Cybermen and I was securely ensconced behind the sofa., and yes like all good geeks I know it means Time And Relative Dimensions In Space

( Interviewer note: Go, Daleks, go!)

Q. Cheesy B Horror or polished Hollywood Horror?

A. This unlike the Dr question is not easy, I have to grade each film on its own merits I have (for research purposes of course) been watching a lot of Zombie Movies recently and my favs are still either ZombieLand or of course Shaun of the Dead (Simon Pegg is of course a comedy god!!) but I have seen many B movies that are just crap and many Hollywood movies which are also shite. If I HAD to choose one Hollywood Horror movie it would be Silence of the lambs it just really freaks me out and all the cast are perfect for the characters they portray (I was disappointed Jodie Foster didn’t reprise her role in Hannibal) and as for Cheesy B movie that would have to be


Q. Who said, “That rug really tied the room together. Did it not?”?

A. No idea maybe I’ll Google it later (see how honest I am I could have just done a Google search and sounded all knowledgeableish)

(Interviewer note: David, honesty is good, The Big Lebowski is better.)

Q. Are there any good stories or legends around where you live?

A. I live in Ireland so plenty of tales of fairies and I don’t mean the glowy Tinkerbell sort I mean honest to goodness child stealing devil breed but none really stick out above the other. One popular tales is of the fairy rings they are circles found in fields where nothing grows and the little people are said to dance in them in the MoOn light

Q. As an artist and a writer do you share inspirations for both? Or does something inspire you to write where as something else will make you want to draw?

A. Sometimes I’ll be inspired to draw and as I am drawing I have the urge to write about it, to be honest they usually work hand in hand. I have drawn many pictures that do not have prose connected to them but have yet to write anything that I haven’t drawn at least one picture to accompany it. If asked was I a writer who also drew or the other way round I would say I am an artist that sometimes writes.


Q. Vampires or Werewolves?

A. Werewolves that’s easy, I think because of the whole romantic aspect of vampires they are the pussies of the horror realm but Werewolves now there is a creature totally animalistic without any form of human boundaries’, I am a huge fan of True Blood but am finding it hard to see the dog beast being pets to the vampires, just a side note here guys….. ‘vampires do not sparkle in the daylight they scream in pain, smolder, burst into flames and experience the ‘true death’ they do not bloody (I would use a stronger word but am not sure of Mr MoOns BLOG etiquette ) twinkle!!!

(Interviewer note: We watch our fucking mouths around here!)

Q. How far would you have made it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. I am sorry to say I would probably have been the Augustus Gloop of the group but not for chocolate, now a room full of aniseed twists or peanut MM’s. I would not have been able to resist for those of you who have seen a picture of me (sorry hope your eyes are better now!!) I am a large man and like my food so would probably have suffered an early death if I managed to become the owner of the factory, and eaten all the profits.


Q. Favorite super hero and why?

A. So I see what ya doing setting me up with easy questions to lure me into a false sense of security then you’re going to give me a really hard I know what ya doing!!!

The Batman: he is dark, with real honour he is not constrained by the law but still works within the ideals of justice he is not afraid to dish out a bit of pain but will not take a life intentionally. Despite being born with a silver spoon he didn’t just sit back and cry about the tragedies on his life he got up and did something about them (albeit a little strange) . From a costume point of view I just love the design and it works as it is supposed to by working on our fears.

(Interviewer note: I am the Batman.)


Q. Can you tell me some goals or hopes you have for this next year?

A. In the next year I would like to win the lottery and retire to a small cottage on the moors and draw and watch horror movies and crime series all day whilst being waited on by a staff of young brunette temptresses, if that doesn’t work out I’d like to be doing what I am doing now but being in a position where I could realistically make the art and writing a full time job I think that is most author/artists dreams. I’d like to have been published as a writer and see more of my art out there and to be recognised for what I do.


Q. I loved putting THE Dunwoody on the spot with this so…..Quick, namedrop five great independent talents!

A. Danny Kelly – He is a fantastic artist from New Jersey with a wonderful style all of his own and I believe he is one to watch.
(http://www.facebook.com/dannydog)

Benjamin Rogers – Bens first book Faith and The Undead for me was a turning point in Zombie fiction, he has managed to combine Faith and Horror without being all up in your face about his own beliefs.
( http://benjamincrogers.com)

Kody Boyle - hope he doesn’t take this wrong when I say he has a bit of growing to do but what young man of his age doesn’t but I can wholeheartedly say he is an awesome author and will be going far.
(http://kodyboye.com/)

Kevin Noel Olson - he isn’t a horror writer he actually writes children’s fantasy fiction (his main series tells the story of a young girl Eerey Tocsin's and her fantastical group of friends) but he does it with so much talent I honestly envy him, but have to admit I would not want to be in his head .
(http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eerey-Tocsin/111362268295?ref=ts)

Nat Jones – he is an incredible artist who has worked with Rob Zombie when he illustrated Nails, a horror comic book, but my favourite of his work is ’68 a Zombie story set in the heated jungles of Vietnam (loved the story so much I have all three versions of the comic book (two covers and it’s appearance in a collection, which I have signed by Nat)
(http://www.natjones.com)

(Interviewer note: Now that is how you name drop!!!)



DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. Okay David, since you are such a killer artist we are gonna try something different….make me a picture of what would happen if zombies interrupted The Mad Hatter and The March Hare’s Tea Party. Make it violent.

A. With the questions about Willie Wonka and Batman the picture I drew is highly influenced by Jonny Depp and the Joker but I coloured it in a hope to give it’s own look. Thanks for the opportunity I really enjoyed doing this one 








KILLER!!!!! Thanks for taking the time to yak with me, David!
Ladies and Gentlemen, David Naughton-Shires!

You can find David....
web site http://theimagedesigns.com/
blog http://theimagedesigns.wordpress.com/
facebook http://www.facebook.com/david.naughtonshires


NEXT UP....David Barbee!!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews THE Dunwoody

Hello! I'm very excited to kick off the first of many interviews with people in independent horror. The first up to bat is none other than David Dunwoody. When I first discovered independent horror Dave was one of the first people to befriend me. He has been an honest and supportive friend for as long as i have known him. When I posted something on my facebook asking for interview volunteers he was first in line.
Also, he writes great freakin' horror! He is the author of one of my all-time favorite zombie novels (Empire) and the wicked dark Unbound and Other Tales. I was lucky enough to corner David and ask him a few questions.....

Q. Let’s start at the beginning….tell me about your influences. Now, by this I mean anything that influences the darkness you scribe, not just the authors that inspired you. But be sure to throw them in too. Why does Dave Dunwoody write horror instead of romance novels?

A. Maybe it's because I largely define myself and others by our fears, or because I think the pallor of a supernatural beast casts an interesting light on the human condition. Those are certainly a couple of the reasons why I adore Lovecraft and Barker so much. But as far as the raw ideas that influence me, a great deal of them come from my nightmares. When I say "nightmare" I don't necessarily mean a dream that makes me afraid or uncomfortable. THOSE sort of nightmares are boring. Those nightmares have me unable to remember my locker com at school, or working again for the IRS.

No, the nightmares that inspire me are certainly strange and frightful, but I awaken with a feeling of excitement. I recently started work on a story which is based on a nightmare from several months ago. I wasn't able to fully wrap my head around it until another nightmare last month. I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I always go to sleep hoping I'll receive another bizarre transmission.

Q. Can you remember your first published piece?

A. My first published work of fiction would be "Franchise" in The Hacker's Source magazine back in 2004. It's a story about a writer and his demons (I didn't know dick back then about being a professional writer, but I knew demons) and is one of the stories that led to the titular novel in my most recent collection, UNBOUND & OTHER TALES.

Q. What have you been working on lately?

A. I've got a slew of new zombie stories floating around right now, being considered by various markets...recently completed editing and saw the formatted version of my Lovecraftian sci-fi/apocalyptic novel, THE HARVEST CYCLE...and in September I'll be starting work on a new novel.

Q. Fast zombies or slow zombies?

A. Both, and any other type that's out there. RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is my favorite zombie flick (though it's often forced to duke it out with DAWN '78) because of the wild variety of undead and the possibilities it opened up in my young imagination. Like any other zombiphile, I worship Romero and I do draw a line where I have to say, "These aren't zombies to me," but I'm willing to check out anything and I think it's great that so many different visions of the zompocalypse are being realized in print, particularly in the small press.

Q. My favorite character of your creation is Sharpe from Unbound. One bad mofo. Can you tell me about him and his universe?

A. That story I mentioned earlier, "Franchise," was an update of something I wrote back when I was 17 (back when I knew even less about writers and demons). That was the first Sharpe story. Sharpe is a murderous modern-day outlaw and the fictional creation of an author named Matthew Rudd. In UNBOUND, it seems that Sharpe has come to life in some form. This may sound like a familiar premise - Pygmalion with a homicidal twist, or some split-personality retread - but just when you begin to understand the truth, the novel takes a violent turn into left field. Then another. And you're in no man's land. The mystery surrounding Sharpe reveals another world where every ancient legend and tall tale is true.

Q. Whiskey, water, or coffee?

A. In that order.

Q. Okay, I’ve waited as many questions as I could, when is Empire 2 coming out? And for the love of Cthulhu tell me a little about it!

A. I think the timetable for EMPIRE 2 hinges on the performance of the first book's re-release by Simon & Schuster. Things are going well so far, but there's always room for one more, as Death might say - so check it out!

(Possible EMPIRE spoilers follow)

The sequel picks up with the Reaper continuing to hunt zombies in a world that has been ravaged for more than a century. This time, he's trying to track down the survivors of the first book, who have relocated to a safe zone where the U.S. government is attempting to rebuild civilization. But the Reaper is being tracked himself - not only by a pack of sideshow curiosities-turned-undead, but a very special zombie from the first novel who has transformed into something greater, and who now feasts on his fellow ghouls - but what he's really hungering for is the Reaper.

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. I'd flip out in that claustrophobic hallway. I don't even think I'd get any goddamn candy. What's that guy's problem?

(Interviewer note: He is a sugar Sadist.)

Q. Who said, “You wanna’ toe? I can get you a toe, by three o’clock; with nail polish?”

A. A lot of people would credit John Goodman with that line, but they just don't know the real story of Ronald McDonald.

Q. Where do you think independent horror will be in three and a half years?

A. Still independent. That's the only sure answer I can give. Three and a half years? What happens in 2014? Are you threatening me?

(Interviewer note: David is a wee bit paranoid.)

Q. Can I get your opinions on the recent rash old horror movie remakes?

A. I think any remake - warranted or not - can be interesting. But most of them are horseshit. Then again, most movies are horseshit. I'm not trying to be all "fuck the man," but really, most mainstream content is watered-down crap by definition. It's just becoming more blatant with this remake epidemic. I'd take a dozen DTV sequels over a reboot any day.

...With exceptions, of course. There are some recent remakes I dig. I like it when a filmmaker really tries to reimagine the concept and make a NEW movie, even if it doesn't work.

Q. Speaking of that what’s your favorite Disney movie?

A. Condorman

(Interviewer note: Hells yes!)

Q. Quick, name drop five great independent talents!

A. James Melzer, Gregory L. Hall, Louise Bohmer, Peter Clines...and that Moon guy!

That's right off the top of my head. I could go on and on. I'm honored to know so many rising talents in the small press, and I can't name them all. I'm going to get in trouble now. Damn you.

(Interviewer note: I did this to David on purpose.

because I'm a devious bastard. For a guy that writes darker than Lovecraft's tomb he is a social butterfly. If he could of he would have listed everyone he knows. Dave, I'm twisting that into a blurb, somehow, someway.)

Q. Do you have any advice for the aspiring horror writer?

A. 1 - Read. Always read. Read different genres. As John Green said, it's a writer's only true apprenticeship. 2 - Welcome criticism and consider constructive comments, even if you ultimately don't agree. And, as I read somewhere: if you believe all the good comments about your work, you've got to take the negatives into account as well. 3 - and this one I didn't steal from somebody else - PROSTRATE YOURSELF BEFORE THE COSMIC SLUG. SWEAR ETERNAL LOYALTY TO HIS OBSCENE WILL!

Okay, I stole that one from Nicholas Sparks.

DEATH MATCH QUESTION……

Q. Okay, Dave, it’s the tag team match of the millennia and I need you to describe it. I’ll give you the competitors and the location and in a thousand words or less describe the carnage. In one corner H.P. Lovecraft and a mystery Monster God tag team partner! In the other corner Stephen King and a hideous beast of his creation! The battle ground is the campus grounds of Misakatonic University around lunch time.

DING-DING!

A. Oh boy. Brace yourself Jon - extreme fanboy turbulence ahead.

I'm sorely tempted to pit my favorite Mythos deity, Nyarlathotep, against the Lovecraftian entity from my favorite novel, IT - but I don't know that either could truly be killed! The collateral damage might very well wipe us all out before the smoke ever cleared. If these beings were to come into conflict over a common interest - say, a community and its weak-willed human residents - I think each would employ said humans in their battle of wills. Perhaps a group of Nyarlathotep worshippers versus "dogsbodies" spellbound by It in order to perform grunt work. And those probably wouldn't even do physical battle, at least not at first.

But where's the fun in that?

So rather than that or a battle across psychic planes, let's take an avatar of Nyarlathotep, and one of It, and pit them against one another in a proper comic-book style deathmatch.

Mr. King has just finished a Q&A at MU and is crossing the campus when the sky goes dark. Pitch dark. Every fragment of light blotted from the sky by an oppressive blanket of black clouds.

Lovecraft is back, and with the Shining Trapezohedron has summoned the fearsome Haunter of the Dark! The bat-like silhouette rises behind Lovecraft, somehow darker than the sudden night which surrounds it - save for a fiery three-lobed eye from which King recoils in mortal terror. It is only his horror-writer reflexes that save his life, for the Haunter's gaze can strike its victims dead.

Now, King has his own ace in the hole - hole meaning the sewer opening at the bottom of the sloping quad. A metal grate explodes outward, scissoring two gaping co-eds in half as the monstrous Spider tears out onto the lawn! Fifteen feet in height, with massive, crushing mandibles and hatefully-gleaming eyes, the Spider rears up in front of King, standing between him and the Haunter.

The Spider's form is not Its true one, but it is the closest approximation that the terrified onlookers' minds can comprehend. For this reason the Spider is trapped in this physical body, and must enter into battle - and It does.

It leaps into the air as the Haunter streaks forward, latching onto the belly of the flying beast and sinking Its dripping stinger into the thing's bloated midsection. The Haunter lets out a piercing sound, and as its burning eye surveys the campus, freshmen are dropping dead left and right. Somehow, despite this terrible darkness, they are able to observe the two monsters as they crash into the side of the math building. The Haunter beats its wings furiously, pinning the Spider there, grinding Its back into shattered brick and glass. The Spider thrusts the hot stinger deeper. The Haunter glares down into the Spider's eyes. Two entities empowered by fear lock gazes, and for one fraction of a second, each sees what writhes beneath the glamour of the other.

The Spider mewls and thrusts the Haunter away with all Its strength. The stinger pulls free. The Spider crashes to the sidewalk below, followed by a rain of debris from the building.

Stunned both by fear and pain, It scuttles uncertainly toward King, who barks at it like he's at a Red Sox game. Lovecraft's expression is stoic as his hand directs the Haunter to pursue It.

The Haunter instead circles slowly overhead. What it glimpsed, albeit briefly - albeit contained by Its physical form - makes the Haunter hesitate to attack. It can't look into the Spider's eyes again.

Meanwhile, the stumbling arachnid plows into a campus security officer, pulping him against his patrol car. The Spider shakes Itself back into awareness and turns toward Lovecraft. Races forward with horrifying speed.

The Haunter's wings drop over It, and the Spider feels itself ripped into the air and flung. The black world spins around It. Glass shrieks as it plows through the skylight of the new gymnasium, splashing down in the lukewarm water of the swimming pool.

The Haunter swoops through the opening. The Spider scrabbles out of the water. An unlucky dozen onlookers had run into the building to seek shelter, and now find themselves face-to-face with both nightmares. The Spider lances a girl on Its foreleg and hurls her at the Haunter. The flying beast swats her into the far wall and drops down.

The other students crumple, some falling into the pool, as the tri-lobed glower of the Haunter strikes down each in turn. There is now only Nyarlathotep and It. The building shudders as the Haunter's wings churn the air just over the Spider's weaving head.

But the Haunter has made a fatal error. It has slain all those who held the Spider in their eye line, whose shared vision kept It trapped in this form.

It knows what Nyarlathotep, in this avatar, fears. It knows the fiend's weakness - light. And now it can open its eyes wide and draw the Haunter into what it glimpsed before

(the deadlights)

and with a baleful cry, the Haunter is torn asunder, bleeding away into shadow even as the artificial night over the campus fades.

The Spider cannot enjoy its victory. It is weak. It lumbers through the double doors and back to the sewer, giving King a nasty look as it passes him by.

"I didn't think I had a snowball's chance in Hell," King murmurs.

Lovecraft tells him, "Your Spider dreads a different sort of agelessness. Nyarlathotep is no child."

"So...next time?" King says.

"Next time...I think I'll play Abdul Alhazred."

"That frees up Flagg for me." King shakes Lovecraft's hand and starts off. Good day. He sees the halved sewer grating embedded in his car's hood and mutters, "Shit."

Somewhere, Lovecraft smiles.

Damn. Good answer. Ladies and gentlemen, David Dunwoody!

You find find more of Dave at his amazon authors page.....
http://www.amazon.com/David-Dunwoody/e/B002BMKA3W/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

Or, he is fancy enough to have a website named after him, check it out for news and links to FREE stories.... www.daviddunwoody.com

NEXT TIME.....David Naughton-Shires!!!!

Mr. Moon and the Big Poetry Contest

So a group of us from The Library of Horror and The Library of The Living Dead have got together and built up a few crazy cool prize packages stuffed with killer books. Just cuz I like you I'll tell you some details. Easy, just write us a terrible poem. A wicked sick poem.
Tim, Tonia, Zak, and I will be judging the entries. Hurry contest ends Aug 27th!!!!!!

Follow the linky for more info and a list of the killer prizes....http://libraryofthelivingdead.lefora.com/2010/07/28/the-fetid-poet-bad-poetry-contest-win-tons-of-free/?vm=11#post11

Mr. Moon and the Wicked SICK Cover

I gots something wicked to show you..........