Monkey Faced Demon

Mr. MoOn's Review of A Town Called Suckhole

2012-01-03T17:18:00.000-08:00

A Town Called Suckhole
By David W. Barbee

David Barbee serves up a fine slab of Dixie Fried post-apocalyptic buddy comedy with his first full-length novel, A Town Called Suckhole. The first chapter does an incredible job of setting the tone for the novel as well as giving a rich and hilarious history of Barbee’s twisted Southern nuclear survivors.
Our story gets rolling with Suckhole preparing for the annual Hell Yeah Heritage Jamboree; the biggest thing that happens all year in the futuristic Podunk town. Sheriff Billy Jack Bledskoe is investigating a string of brutal of brutal murders but receiving very little help from the extravagant hillbilly mayor, Rusty Boyd Crockwallop, who’s only concern is seeing the Hell Yeah Heritage Jamboree (man, I love saying that) go on without a hitch. With all conventional methods of crime solving exhausted the sheriff drags his deputy/son/translator, Jesco Ray, deep into the toxic swamp to search for answers from a good hearted abomination against god born in the muck and mire known as the outcast Dexter Spikes.
An assassin’s bullet later, Jesco and Dexter are working together on a case no one seems willing to help with. The odd pairing stir up trouble as they follow clues and southern fried instinct that lead them to each of the town’s cliques in turn. They brave the army of heathen street children known as the Hill Bills, they confound Mayor Crockwallop’s militia, and make friends with a high-maintenance neurotic talking whiskey still as they bumble ever closer to those responsible for the mutilated corpses. By the time the two reach the end of their adventure they’ve warped into awkward friends in an endearing way.
Barbee creates a detailed post-apocalyptic South that manages to parody the best (and the worst) the present-South has to offer. No stereotype is left unmolested giving the town and its history a solid yet hilarious feel. I spent so much time giggling I didn’t realize how emotionally invested I was in the characters until the end.
A Town Called Suckhole is a great book for Bizarro newbies as it contains several of the traits which I love about the genre. This book is full of weird characters doing crazy things in an insane world. Also, like a few other great Bizarro books A Town Called Suckhole packs a surprising amount of heart in amongst the strangeness and mystery.
Highly recommended for fans of Bizarro, comedy, and buddy action flicks.

One way trips to Suckhole here.

Mr. MoOn's Review of Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms

2012-01-03T17:16:00.001-08:00

Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms
By Jason Wuchenich

Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms is a quick two novella collection from one of independent fiction’s most twisted talents. Composed of the most disgusting fairy tale I’ve ever read, Stinky Incubus, and the most sex-crazed apocalypse story I’ve ever read, Skank Clusters, Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms is the most fun I’ve had while fighting the urge to vomit. This is gross out fiction at its rude and comedic best.
Stinky Incubus is the tale of Lemmy, an incubus that can only achieve physical form with flatulence. The ranker the gas the longer he can remain visible. In order to get good and upset enough to materialize for longer lengths of time Lemmy maintains a diet sure to make your innards rumble. While on a quest for ingredients for his vomit-inducing buffets Lemmy happens across an old crone and her fair maiden daughter. Lemmy falls madly in love with the daughter and visits her in her torrid dreams. As difficult as an existence is for a demon that requires farts to materialize is, throwing love in the mix only ensures chaos will ensue when the talented hands of Wuchenich are pulling the strings. Each character in this twisted little story has their own quirks and kinks that you’ll have to read for yourself because me glaring over them does them no justice. This story deals with folk lore, crap, tiny minstrel groups, feces, deadbeat water djinns, poop, labia coats, dookie, dreams, defecation, and true love. Yes, that much excrement but if you possess the continence required you’ll walk away amazed at Wuchenich’s ability to tickle your funny bone, sour your stomach, and pull on your heartstrings all at the same time.
Skank Clusters takes us down a completely different strange highway. The story is about tiny sluts that grow in clusters on vines. They possess highly addictive qualities and soon people the world over are strung out on the delicious little tramps. We follow the team of Tuggy and Raster as the have an adventure on the brim of the apocalypse as the world is over ran with sex-crazed psychopaths. Quick humor slaps you around as the boys stumble upon a way to save humanity. A second smaller story intertwines within this one that has a darker tone and relates closer to a few Skank junkies. Again, Wuchenich provides characters rich in oddity and humor in a quick paced story.
All in all Dinner Bell for the Dream Worms is disgusting, vile, rude, hilarious and very well written. Easily one of the fun-est extreme fiction books I’ve read in recent years. Highly recommended for fans of Bizarro, comedy, and extreme fiction fans in need of giggle fits.

Get your giggle-gag on here.

HEINOUS Nominated for Horror Novel of the Year at the Preeditors & Editors Poll

2012-01-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Whew, long title but I gotta admit I just love the sound of that. My brutal baby and first novel, Heinous, is up for votes now over at Critter's Writers Workshop.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

You can read what a few super talented writer folk had to say about HEINOUS when threatened with blackmail and tickle fights here.

You can read a sample of the wickedness here

You can order the wickedness here so everyday can be gloriously HEINOUS!

And to cast your vote and make this guy giddy clickly here.

Thanks for visiting my darkness. :)

Communal Blinking

2011-11-21T16:46:00.000-08:00

A THOUSAND EYES UNBLINKING!

Committing to weary memory countless atrocities while we grind our teeth to dust. Our history is a stain.

Gouge them out with forks, scissors, and screw-drivers!
...
Dig them clean with awls, steak knives, and cork screws!

The blood that trickles down our cheeks is as thin as the ice underneath us.
Our future is pain.

A THOUSAND EYES FOREVER BLIND!

Buy my books here

MC Stitches

2011-10-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

“Mic check one, two, one two.”

And then the screaming starts. No one hears it besides MC Stitches.

He sits in his basement cage composing the dopest beats humankind has ever dared to imagine. Deep vibrating organ pipes thicken the rapid pulsing drum n’ bass, adding an element of malevolence and a layer of pure funky groove. Then the first looped scream repeats. The howl of pain is intimate and pure. It is his scream from when he carved out his right eye for its stubborn refusal to look towards the future. It churns an avalanche of regret within his bowels and he smashes his forehead against the cage to retain the focus needed for his opus.

Blood drizzles down from the fresh gash and makes crimson lightning streaks across the over sized lens of his goggles. With one two-fingered hand he cues up the next scream. With his other hand, frighteningly complete with all five spindly fingers, he turns a knob and stretches the beats beyond the intro. The scream set to join the loop n’ groove, he reaches his two twitchy digits and flips the switch to the three hanging 17 inch black light tubes attached to the roof of his cage.

The flood of dark light illuminates the crowd of five corpses littered around his basement stage. The second scream, the first he ever stole, falls into groove after his shriek amidst the pounding rhythm. His audience sits motionless tied to chairs with duct tape and barbed wire. Their mouths hang open, eyeless sockets swallowing the light and drooling it down pale scarred cheeks. The cherry veins across his goggles glow a deep romantic red and his remaining eye tears. Two fingers give the spinning record a quick scratch then cue the next pair of screams. One deep and one shrill, they capture and rape the high and low end of the ever evolving groove in an aural masterpiece. Only MC Stitches hears it.

He grabs the mic with his complete hand and shouts through his spittle soaked bandanna in his broken voice.

“Everybody get up!”

Though his bastardized soundboards could easily replicate and repeat the phrase he shouts a slightly less rowdy echo.

“Get up! Get up!”

None of his corpse groupies move but their lack of devotion to the groove doesn’t deter him any. They each had chances to listen to his epic song. Extraordinary, unbelievably kind glimpses into his terrible towering masterpiece he offered them. Each cowered in fear. Each refused to see the beauty, dark and ferocious, in the gift of groove he offered them. So, he added them to the mix. Each was good for at least a scream or two, a sobbing whine, or a gurgled whimper. Each became a part of the groove. Only MC Stitch hears them.

His head bobs constantly, the groove ringing and throbbing in his ears and soul. He is a constant blur as the song builds and falls back on itself. Within a few minutes there are so many screams looping they run end to end rendering the groove, so tight and so dope, utter chaos. Sweat mingles with the blood drizzling down his face giving him an iodine-colored sheen in the black light. At the thirteen minute mark MC Stitches feels his epic taking shape.

“Can you dig it? Dig it! Dig it!” He screams hoarsely into the mic. Then he reaches his good hand into the blades of the industrial fan perched on his cage to cool him and keep the reek of the corpses away from him.

The fingers don’t cut cleanly but rather break and tear away from his pointy knuckles giving the powerful blades something to choke on. The fan blades stutter against bone and the motor grinds in response. He pulls his hand away and the blades resume full speed and fling blood and pulp across the crowded basement. MC Stitches waves his fresh stump in the air like he just don’t care.

He uses his two fingers (his only fingers now) to play back the sound of his groove-sacrificed-self-mutilation. Louder, slurred like a drunk, and over-lapped by looping screams. He feels it. He reaches up tugs the bandanna from his face. Gripped tight in his two-fingered talon he brings the microphone to his lip-less face.

A shout from above interrupts him.

“Gordon!”

The groove is ruined. Thudding bass is creaking into quick silence and the screams weakening into chuckles. Yet the echo of his living ghost father’s baritone haunts still.

“Ribs could be broken!”

MC Stitches digs his fingers into his lacerated hand and rocks back and forth. His father isn’t upstairs. His father is a wind borne demon forever slipping in, out, gone.

“Everything you do is failure except hurt, boy!”

Two blood streaked fingers tug one plug from an outlet in the wall and plug in another hanging nearby. Black light blinks off. A string of 50 watt bulbs ooze on flooding the room with dismal glow. It the split second of transition MC Stitches sees the roomful of corpses sigh. He’d kill them again if he could, he’d enjoy it because the first time every bruise, every cut, every scream was for the groove. And their squeals and grunts and wails of pain still weren’t enough for his epic. He sulks past his rotting captive audience and up the rotting wooden stairs knowing it needs something more. One more scream, caught from a confrontation that dwells in memories and nightmares, a scream from a wind borne demon. Only MC Stitch hears it.

If you enjoy this story and are that kind of twisted soul you can find more of my work for here.

Mr. MoOn's Review of Lucky Stiff

2011-10-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

Lucky Stiff
By Tonia Brown

And now for something different…

Lucky Stiff is an erotic zombie novel from the great Tonia Brown. Yup, you read that right erotic zombie novel. I know based on those two simple yet polarizing opposite words it seems like you are in for a gore fest with sex sprinkled in. I don’t blame you. But the truth of the matter is Lucky Stiff is an erotica novel first and for most, that happens to feature a walking dead man that sees more ass than a toilet seat.

When Peter dies on a vacation with his buddies they take his corpse to a voodoo madam that has some special tricks up her silky sleeves. The event that usually is the end of it all for someone is but the re-birth of Peter into a second half-life utterly foreign from his actual time alive. This 18 year old kid gets turned out into a stud…a globe trotting MILF-pleasing dead stud.

While my typical reading fare is gory and dark, Lucky Stiff was bright, sexy, and even funny through out. Without spoiling I will say that there is a little bit of violence and it is every bit as catching and graphic as the numerous steam scenes. The characters are well developed and each grows within the plot; which circles around and boasts a few surprising twists. Peter is truly a character you like as you get to know him through his sexcapades.

Tonia Brown is a hell of a talented writer and everything I’ve read from her is powerful and effective. Lucky Stiff is no exception. Easily the best zombie novel I’ve ever read one-handed. 

Grab your Peter here!

Big News for The Library of Bizarro Horror

2011-09-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

It is with a heavy heart that I admit out loud that I have grown far too busy in both my personal and professional lives to give The Library of Bizarro Horror the attention it needs and deserves. As the time draws close for me to pass the torch, I am honored to announce the new Executive Librarian T. Patrick Rooney (A.K.A. Unoshato Katayama)!

Mr. Rooney is not only a very talented writer, he is also a fan and supporter of the bizarro genre. You'll be able to check out his awesome short story Bakemono in the very-quickly approaching Technicolor Tentacles. He has been a blurry force in devouring bizarro works and spreading the weird word. I will still over see a few (very soon to be finished) releases such as The New Flesh print antho and Technicolor Tentacles but by the before the end of the year Mr. Rooney will be calling the shots.

Please join me in welcoming Mr. Rooney and wishing him the very best in his new position!

Mr. MoOn

Mr. MoOn Reviews Beyond the Dark

2011-09-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

Beyond the Dark
By Patrick D’Orazio

Beyond the Dark is the third installment in Patrick D’Orazio’s zombie Dark Trilogy (after Comes the Dark and Into the Dark). With the first two novels Mr. D’Orazio takes his time introducing us to a large and varied cast of characters. In Comes the Dark we meet Jeff Blaine, a normal everyday suburbanite, as well as Megan, a widowed woman living in the same destroyed subdivision, and George, a man seeking to return home to his wife and daughters, and Jason, a twelve year old suffering through the loss of his mother at the hands of the undead. The four band together and search for safety within a world crawling with zombies. They find other survivors in Into the Dark, but the militant leader Michael turns out to be more a villain than a hero and his close circle of henchmen and his psychopathic girlfriend, Cindy, keep a small group of other survivors (including a few children) within the RV walls of their camp.

With Beyond the Dark we have all the fully developed characters which leaves us all revved up for action, action, and, yup, even more action. In this respect Mr. D’Orazio gratefully delivers. As with the previous volume the story picks up immediately where the last left off keeping with the intense feeling these well written zombie novels have established. The survivors are fleeing their camp after a literal zombie horde descends on it after a botched supply run. The RV full of survivors rolls over the gathering of the dead and navigates to the nearest town before disaster befalls them. The motor home gets up to speed and is passing through the town at a decent pace when it crashes into a tangle of abandoned vehicles.
Michael and his remaining henchman, the aggressive red neck Frank, and pycho Cindy are sitting in the front of the large home on wheels while Jeff and his growing band of survivors are in the back room. Once the motor home skids to an unceremonious stop Michael, Frank, and Cindy decide to leave the others to escape and defend themselves on their own against the dead attracted by the squealing metal. Jeff and his crew gather up everyone and realize immediately they have been abandoned by the others. So begins a breathless and exhausting dash to safety for the survivors.
Once the groups separate, each character lives up to their development and branches off even further. Some run for their own selfish reasons, others struggle to distract the shuffling corpses in order for the women and children to escape, and others use the chaos a chance to enact some violent revenge. Once everyone is out of the ruined motor home and in the open as the dead are surrounding them the overall feeling is nothing short of intense. The dead are again prominent monsters and Mr. D’Orazio describes them in loving detail as they attack the living. Some of the most harrowing moments in zombie fiction follow as the dead thin the number of living with their gnashing teeth. There are twists and climaxes through out the last part of the novel as come-upance is dealt out by the hordes of zombies upon the survivors. No one is safe when the un-exhaustible dead are in pursuit and D’Orazio shows no mercy on his characters and their fates.

As far as acting as the third book in trilogy Beyond the Dark delivers the zombie goods for sure. Out of the three I enjoyed its tense atmosphere and graphic violence the most. I think it stands alone better than the previous two even as it wraps the trilogy up perfectly. The epilogues alone are vastly entertaining and stand out amongst the hordes of zombie stories out there. I highly recommend not only this novel Beyond the Dark but the entire trilogy to you ravenous zombie fans out there.

(This is a looooong over due review. Personal issues have kept me insanely busy but keep you eyes open for reviews of books by Garrett Cook, Tonia Brown, and Jason Wuchenich, Anderson Prunty, and more!)

Table of Contents for The Library of Bizarro Horror's Technicolor Tentacles

2011-09-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

After months of delays, monkey-fights, cosmic-purple nurples, weeping wounds and seeping twins, hacky sack injuries, thumb wrestling tournaments, and shoddy ass internet connection...I give you the Table of Contents for the second anthology from The Library of Bizarro Horror...(gasp)...5$ Electric Suzie- William Pauley III /Nest of Sweat- Edmund Colell /Ancient Primordial Soliloquies of the Alien-Death-Gods- Randy Woodard / Piscis Penitus- Kristen Alene Pierce /GOD-EATER- Alexander Zelenyj /Mickey Mahoney's Evil Toys- David W. Barbee /Favors and Grudges: A Tale of Sister Merciless- Garrett Cook / A REPTANT HELL- Jordan Krall / Bile Black- Ash Lomen /PUSSYFACE- Kris Triana /Snowd White And The Flat-Footed Flies Of Flaxton- Barry Rosenberg /Property Dualism Apocalypse- Kirk Jones /The Fix- Nikki Guerlain /Searching For Something A Fiendish Thing Stole- Ben McElroy /Scores of Cores- Rev. Steven Rage /You Are What You Eat- Joe Bouthiette /Ten Sleepless Years- D.G. Sutter /Bakemono- T. Patrick Rooney /....Coming soon!!!!

Disasternoon by Jonathan Moon

2011-07-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

We slept till noon because we are both ugly in the morning. We woke up and dragged ourselves from the darkness of my bed room to the melancholy of my living room. The curtains are drawn over boarded up windows.

She tells me she’s an actress. Maybe she pretends she is someone else when the strobe lights are sweating her and she wraps her legs around the pole. Her lie makes us even because I told her she is safe.

“I have hopes and dreams.” She tells me because she can’t stop lying.

I don’t trust her limp because it catches me off guard. Physical frailty makes me nervous and she misinterprets the apathy etched on my face. She doesn’t like my whiskey breath because it reminds her of her dad.

She turns on the stereo and sweeps her arms across my coffee table. Cigarette butts flee their ash tray tombs and papers that used to mean something scatter all around. She climbs on the table and dances with tears streaming down her sunken cheeks.

“I can get low.” She tells me, and then proves it by slapping her bare ass against the table.

I cradle my whiskey bottle breakfast close to my chest to watch her as tears scorch my eyes. The dance is jerky, awkward, and sexy but it doesn’t match the funeral dirge blasting from the stereo at all. The morning was a waste and now the after noon is a disaster.

Mr. Moon's Review of A Million Versions of Right

2011-06-24T08:53:00.001-07:00

A Million Versions of Right
By Matthew Revert

A Million Versions of Right is a collection of absolute absurdity from Matthew Revert (pronounced Rev Air, and I only mention so you don’t sound like a fool when recommending this book to all your friends).

I confess right off the bat it has taken me far longer to write this review than it should have. Despite the fact A Million Versions of Right is one of the most entertaining works of literary mayhem I’ve EVER read. Despite the fact I’ve read it over and over in the few short months I’ve owned it. Despite the fact I can open it to any random page and I know I’ll laugh out loud. Despite the fact I’ve spent entire shifts at my day job praising it and spoiling every story for everyone within ear shot. Yeah, despite all of that I still have one hell of a time reviewing this wonderfully weird collection. I think the best way to achieve my goal of relaying my feelings for this amazingly bizarre bunch of stories is to take it one story at a time.

The title story A Million Versions of Right opens up the collection and gives you a fair idea of the madness you can expect. This is a wonderfully crafted story about ejaculating small mustachioed tillers and how to deal with such strange ejaculates. It is the classiest low brow humor has ever been, featuring more surprising (totally insane) moments and laugh out loud passages than almost any story I’ve read in the past five years. I first read this story in the amazing Purple Bizarro Starter kit and purchased A Million Versions of Right on the strength of this story alone. A seriously great piece of humorous fiction.

From there we go to a story called The Bricolage Scrotum. Every full blooded male will cringe starting with the first paragraph and then giggle through rest…while still cringing. This is the story of two brothers and the scrotums they pop. As well as a man that doesn’t like scrotums and their hideous appearance and an opposing group of pro-scrotum men hell bent on sharing some scrot-love. If you have a ball bag this story will make you truly appreciate it…all while cringing and laughing.
The Great Headphone Wank is the surprisingly heartfelt story about headphones that play the sounds of people masturbating through them. The main character works for a company where he yells at walls all day. This story is just as absurd and hilarious as the rest but it also has a bittersweet heart to it that tugs at your emotions through your tears of laughter.

The four part Meeting Max is a modern weird fiction masterpiece featuring a barber district, bald men in capes, PMS conspiracies, and sex so twisted Freud would climb out of his grave to talk moms with Mr. Revert. This story is the longest of the lot and therefore contains the most laughs. Insane, obscene, and terribly fantastic in every way.

Power Blink is a quick little story that crams a lot of ridiculousness into just a few pages. Imagine a blink so powerful it could make you soil yourself. If you can’t get the mental picture on your own worry not because Revert can do it for you and make you glad he did.

The Book Mark that Wouldn’t Work closes the collection with the absurd history of the book mark and a case of one that simply won’t work. Frustration has seldom been so funny.

If you couldn’t tell I adore this book. I would give it six stars out of five if I could. The stories are incredibly absurd and I maintain that in the hands of a less talented writer this collection would be a mess of confusing disturbing crap. Instead A Million Versions of Right is a shining star among the weird fiction world just waiting for you to swallow it whole. I seriously can’t recommend this hilariously brilliant collection enough. Fans of comedy and bizarro should own this collection and are only hurting themselves by not having it on their shelves.

Order your own copy here! Trust me you'll be glad you did.

Mr. Moon's Review of Starfish Girl

2011-06-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

Starfish Girl
By Athena Villaverde

Starfish Girl is the cutest bizarro book I’ve read yet. Now, please don’t go misinterpreting that statement, because somehow Ms. Villaverde has crafted a story equal part ‘AWWWWW’’ and ‘AWESOME’. The cute (or ‘AWWWWW’) comes in the form of the young starfish girl main character, Ohime, and her childish innocence and ever endearing positive attitude. The ’AWESOME’ comes in the form of the red sea anemone dreadlocked assassin, Timbre, and her wicked fighting skills, poison darts and fierce tentacles.

Together the young girl and the assassin travel across an underwater world encased in a giant dome. Every stop along the way is described in vivid and vibrant detail as the two are chased by the evil Dr. Itchii and his crew of sea creature mutant henchmen through a landscape devastated by a strange yellow algae that mutates the dome inhabitants. Our heroines navigate the world encountering strange and dangerous characters every step of the way. The world is bright and colorful despite the apocalyptic feel that permeates the story. As I was reading I felt like I was watching a twisted neon cartoon with sex, violence, and heart.

Like the other story I’ve read from Athena, Clockwork Girl from the incredible Purple Bizarro Starter Kit, Starfish Girl is entertaining and reads quick enough you almost don’t even realize you’ve become emotionally invested until the story reaches its end and you’re left with a bittersweet smile on your face. Bright colors, fantastic scenery, odd and imaginative characters, and a surprising amount of grittiness make for one hell of an entertaining read. I highly recommend Starfish Girl to fans of anime, bizarro, and fish.

You can order Starfish Girl here!

Soul in My Throat

2011-06-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

I should have put her soul in a glass jar. It would have stained the jar black just like all the others. I know that now. She smelled so pure and so sweet.

Sometimes gristle looks just like meat.

I tasted her; her sweat and her blood. My stomach turned and I couldn't resist. I took out her eyes and they tasted fine. But her soul was poisoned and foul.

My eyes water and I'm dying now.

I cut off her hands and hung them with the others. The black jars swirled and shone there on my shelf. Thick blood caked in stripes down her cheeks and I didn't notice her grin.

I save the souls and I eat the sin.

Her soul was swollen as decay made it bloat. It chokes down my screams and my breath. My hands and feet go numb first. My knife clatters when it hits the floor and the jars seem to rattle. My world is going as black as the jars upon my shelf. Her eyeless corpse smiles at me while I choke on her soul in my throat.

Mr. Moon Interviews Jordan Krall

2011-06-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

If you've been paying any kind of attention to the budding Bizarro scene you know who Jordan Krall is. If you haven't been paying attention to the budding Bizarro scene you need to, seriously go to Bizarro Central right now then come back and finish reading this.. Jordan Krall is a literary animal, writing books filled to the brim with kinks and squids that hop genre lines like the Soulja Boy dance. He is the author of an ever growing list of not only good, but great works. His western Fistful of Feet is my favorite bizarro novel (we'll talk about it later) and his novella King Scratch (see the doubled head review from a few days back) has a great chance of being nominated for a Wonderland Award this year. In short he is awesome and donkeys everywhere look up to him. I know its hard to depchier though all my babble but Mr. Krall is seriously one of my favorite writers working today and I am honored to bring you his DEATHMATCH interview!

Q. Okay, lets start from the beginning. What made you want to become a writer and who and what do you credit with influencing you?

A. There was no defining moment that made me want to become a writer, no magical moment when I realized my “destiny.” I suppose it all came about from growing up in a household where everyone read books. The ironic part is that my family mostly read nonfiction. My earliest memory of my wanting to be a writer was when I was very young and drawing/writing in the inside covers of books. I specifically recall one book being about robots. As a teenager, I was heavy into the Beat writers as well as Surrealism and Dadaism… and I think that might have influenced me to think of writing as a lifestyle, a way to express my thoughts for other people. At that time I was also reading a lot of horror like Clive Barker, Lovecraft, Koontz. My goal was, and still is, to have my writing enjoyed by people I don’t know (and therefore have no obligation to me so they don't have to lie about liking it). I’ve accomplished that. So I guess I can stop writing any day now.

Q. I gotta admit Fistful of Feet is my favorite work of bizarro fiction. As a fan of both old westerns and bizarro it captured the best of both; sticking to classic western story lines and action while breathing twisted weird life into the town and the large cast of characters. Is there any chance of more stories returning to Screwhorse?

A. I did write a few related stories and they are available in a short ebook called FOR A FEW FEET MORE. They went to people who preordered FISTFUL OF FEET (though I might have forgotten some people so if you didn’t get a copy, contact me!). I also wrote a prequel story THE PISTOL BURPS which you can find in the first issue of the Magazine of Bizarro Fiction. I don’t have anymore plans on writing anything substantial connected to that book, though. I suppose if a publisher approached me about doing one, I would.

Q. Is it true that at Horrorfind 2010 William Pauley III drank you under the table?

A. Is William Pauley III even old enough to drink? He doesn’t look it. He might be about old enough to maybe shine my shoes. Anyway I don’t recall his drinking anything at Horrorfind except for my “jerky vodka” and that is the god’s honest truth.
(Interviewer Note: *shiver*)

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. Wow, that’s crazy question because I got a lot of stuff going on at the moment. I’m finishing up TENTACLE DEATH TRIP for Eraserhead Press. It’s a post-apocalyptic road race with some Cthulhu mythos elements. Also, PENETRALIA which Legumeman Books will be publishing. I guess the best description I can give right now is that it’s like an Andy Milligan film novelized by someone like Edward Lee….but without the humor. I’m planning on this being a pretty dark, serious book with a lot of intense sex, violence, and psychosexual themes. Also, I have a book coming out soon by Copeland Valley Press. It’s called BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS and is probably my best work so far. It involves a rare film, an obsessed fan, a nudist colony, and a hummingbird. I believe it defies genre labels. It’s somewhat bizarro. It has elements of horror. But it also has melodrama, romance, action. It’s probably my most personal work.

Q. Writers write about what they know, and it’s been said horror writers write about what scares them. Seriously, are you more afraid of squid than they are of you?

A. Sea life both fascinates and repulses me. Some childhood experiences in the ocean have also placed some deep-rooted fears in me. But really..look at vampire squid and horseshoe crabs and tell me they don’t belong in Hell. I'd like to wipe them off the face of the earth.
(Interviewer Note: I think the answer would be the same if I asked about feet.)

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory?

A. I wouldn’t even have gone in. I’d have known it was a trick from the beginning. No one likes a liar, Willy Wonka.

Q. Since I know you are a fellow fan of the true masters of rock, Clutch, I gotta ask what’s your favorite Clutch album? And why?

A. Probably Blast Tyrant because it’s just the most consistently rocking and the one I can listen to over and over the most. I also like the vocals better than in the early stuff.
( Interviewer Note: EXCELLENT ANSWER!)

Q. Six horror movies for an all night movie marathon?

A. That’s a tough question because I like all sorts of horror movies and will sometimes have different marathons (Universal, Hammer, etc). But if I was going for an all out favorite horror marathon these would be the ones, the movies I could watch over and over (and often do): Halloween III, Tourist Trap, Suspiria, Eaten Alive, Vacancy, Cigarette Burns.

Q. You and William Pauley III are doing a sweet ass duel novella for Library of Bizarro Horror this year, can you tell the people a little about your story?

A. My story is called YOUR CITIES, YOUR TOMBS and is difficult to describe except that I’ll say it involves a motel, an industrial park, and it’s probably nothing like anything I’ve written before.
(Interviewer Note: This duel novella will rip off faces and tack it to walls.)

Q. William Pauley III once stated his Indian burns kick your nipple twisters ass, how does this statement make you feel?

A. It makes me feel uncomfortable because William has been warned several times not to talk about my body.

(interviewer note: in the official cover this donkey has nipples)

Q. Who is your ALL-TIME favorite bad guy?

A. Another tough question. Maybe Mr. Slausen from Tourist Trap but that sounds lame.Or maybe Michael Sullivan from Road to Perdition though I guess he's not really a bad guy.

Q. If you could knife fight one celebrity who would it be?

A. Julia Roberts. I’d love to carve that stupid grin off her face.

Q. Is William Pauley III’s hair as soft as it looks?

A. It’s actually a wig. I’m not kidding.
(Interviewer note: I don't believe him. That hair looks silkier than a wig)

Q. Who said, “just because we’re bereaved it doesn’t make us saps!” ?

A. Haha! Someone I emulate every chance I get.

Q. Quick, name drop five great Bizarro talents!

A. Just five? There are quite a few who are authors to really look out for so I’m going to end up leaving some good people out. But here are probably my favorite authors, ones who are completely brilliant at what they do: William Pauley III, Garrett Cook, Andersen Prunty, Eric Mays, Matthew Revert.
(Interviewer note: I can vouch for each of these dudes.)

DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. Mere moments after Joe Fox of Fox Books realizes ‘Shopgirl’, the woman he has slowly been falling in love with on-line, is really Kathleen Kelly, the spirited independent book store owner around the block, a horde of zombiefied television sitcom stars converge on Manhattan. In seconds Joe and his general manager/wing man Kevin are surrounded by dead Hollywood brats whose behavior in life was unpredictable and twice as much so now that they are rotting. Please describe in a 1000 words or so Joe and Kevin’s plan of attack to save ‘Shopgirl’ from the gnashing teeth of television history!

A. Dabney Coleman who plays Joe Fox’s father, watches from the sidelines. Who the fuck do those Hollywood brats think they are, right? That’s what he’s asking while he channels his inner Jack Flack and comes out with his Cold War-era espionage skills a-blazing. His “son” Joe Fox (who, in reality, is really actor Henry Thomas) beats his general manager Kevin to death with a copy of House of Leaves. He doesn’t need that wise-cracking asshole to survive this apocalyptic shit. Unnecessary character taken care of.

Dabney “Jack Flack” Coleman aka Father Fox, well, he’s wearing a beret and sneaking around the outside of Fox Books. He’s always prepared for any sort of Blitzkrieg undead or otherwise.

“Come on out, son,” he whispers though the whisper is quite loud….not unlike a stampede of elephants amplified through a bullhorn. “We gotta save Lady Ace!”

Joe Fox aka Henry Thomas, he’s just sitting there with a bloody copy of House of Leaves, trying to wonder if saving that woman, Kathleen “Lady Ace” Kelly aka ShopGirl is really worth it. I mean, she’s so passive, so weak, even for a woman. She’s even annoying when she sneezes. He realizes he should have stayed in San Antonio because New York City is a haven for degenerates and Communists and hipsters and small businesses and Mafiosi and Disney occultism and fashionable but passé vegans. Then there are the anarcho-primitivists who ride bicycles just like people did 10,000 years ago.

“Dad, we don’t have to save anyone but ourselves,” he says. “Let me just grab a bag and fill it up with books for our journey west.”

Again, Jack Flack Dabney whispers/screams. “Make sure you grab every copy of Simon Revair’s Stadium Games!”

“Will do, pa!” Joe Fox yells, sarcastically calling his father “pa” because it was old-fashioned and he was a man of the 20th Century (1998 to be exact. Two years before the Y2K catastrophe which left millions without access to porn and Dime-a-Dance clubs).

What about the zombies? Oh, the zombies are doing their thing, shuffling around and making sounds like massive indigestion. They are only playing second fiddle to the real stars who are, of course, the Fox men. But still, we can’t leave the zombies out. Gary Coleman himself is shuffling himself into Fox Books, kicking books and grabbing any customer he can. He bites one man and he eats and he spits out yuppie flesh which is bland and tastes like trendy health food and an overpriced education.

And then in the Hobbies section of Fox Books there was Morris who looks a lot like Flattop from the 1990 movie version of Dick Tracy. Poor Morris won’t make it, of course. He gets shot by a real smart zombie with a huge mustache. The bullet goes through Morris and into an old computer monitor while dead Gary Coleman giggles.

Joe Fox Henry Thomas watches this and decides he has to at least have some contact with dead Gary Coleman because, in fact, he did enjoy the work of the live Gary Coleman though now it is mostly old episodes Diff’rent Strokes on television and a lone copy of season one on DVD (It had been an X-Mas Gift from pa Fox who, despite DNA evidence to the contrary, insists that Gary is his first born for they share the same dry sense of humor and sarcastic wit).

Being as stealthy as can be, Joe Fox grabs his bag, stuffs it with the books his father requested, and walks down to the first floor of the store and approached dead Gary Coleman.

He says, “Dead Gary Coleman…..can I touch you?”

“Blah! BAWAAAWAWAWAWAWAWAAAAA!” is all dead Gary Coleman replies. It isn’t even that he can’t speak as much as he doesn’t want to spend any of his remaining brainpower on coherency for some capitalist pig like Joe Fox. That bargain books megastore was hell on earth.

Joe Fox (aka Henry Thomas… you get the idea) backs away from the dead comedian and wonders, “Why the hell am I afraid of this guy?”

Before he can answer himself, Mr. Gary Coleman dons a fedora hat and a trench coat. He glides across the bookstore floor and lands a punch square in Joe Fox’s nose. Blood and disappointment fly everywhere.

Father Dabney Fox (now in priest garb over his spy attire) runs into the store to avenge his son’s beating. He stands in front of his “first born” …. Gary himself.

“Punch someone your own size, son number 1,” Fox says.

“Blah! That’s impossible,” Gary says.

“Blasphemy!” Father Fox says, pulling off his beret and throwing it Frisbee-like towards Coleman.

A decapitation occurs.

Other things happen.

There’s a fire in Fox Books and out of the flames walks a figure…..and that figure resembles Jack Flack….but Joe Fox watches the figure morph into none other than TOM HANKS.

“How is that possible?” Joe Fox asks himself.

Father Fox answers, “Anything is possible in San Antonio .”

“But we’re in New York City , pa,” Joe says.

“Shit, boy, I think you’re right.”

Dabney Coleman quits and shit just disintegrates from there. The fucking end.

(Interviewer note: this is one of very few photos of Mr. Krall without his human mask on.)

Visit Krall's website.

But Krall's books.

What 'They' Say About Heinous PT 2

2011-06-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

(this post is a sequel...check the first here)

My horrorcore masterpeice Heinous has been out for right around a month now and it has been wrapping those souls brave enough to read it since in my sharp darkness. I can tell you all day long that Heinous is a read that really will scare, shock, and entertain you...however, you should probably hear it from others so I don't look as pompous about it as I really am. Below are some of my favorite quotes from a handful of new reviews, below them is the link to the full review. Check them all out...notice the pattern? REAL horror fans that like REAL horror all recommend Heinous...YOU will enjoy it...

"I have said it before in a prior review of Mr. Moon’s work-the man knows how to spin a tale. He is a story teller of the macabre and this story tears and claws at you, much as Heinous tears and claws at Gavin, shattering him both inside his head and throughout his body. I will warn you that Moon doesn’t soften the blow at any point, and kept me wondering what grand new vicious treat was waiting around the corner with every page I turned" Patrick D'Orazio- author of The Dark Trilogy

Read the entire review at Patrick's blog

"(Heinous) is interspersed with dream sequences so thick with gore and carnage they would make a Cenobite blush. The gore is really where this book shines. Moon has cooked up some deeply disturbing tableaus of otherworldly torture, each more creative than the next, depicted in lovingly brutal detail." Lorna D. Keach darkmarkets.com

Read the entire review at darkmarkets.com

"Jonathan Moon pulls no punches—if anything he sneaks a few below the belt—in a book packed from cover to cover with carnage, mayhem and a couple things that will make you pause to process what you just witnessed. HEINOUS is like a massive car wreck, making rubberneckers of us all." Stephen W. Roberts of The Dark Fiction Spotlight

read the entire review at liquidimagination.com

"Unlike anything since Clive Barker, have we experienced such impacting writing and a want to have the hell literally scared out of us." Sonar 4 Landing Dock Reviews

Read the entire review at the Sonar 4 Landing Dock

To wrap all this Heinous talk up I'm going to leave you with an entire review from Joshua Myers that I lifted from the amazon page...

I'd heard the hype. I'd read the blurbs. I didn't know if anything could possibly live up to the praise this book received. I was very, very wrong.

Reading HEINOUS is like mainlining a mixture of loss and hatred into your eyeball. Jonathan Moon has crafted a truly impressive book here. His surreal lyrical style drifts between the damned life of one Gavin Wagner and the obscene dreams that parallel the reality of the hell he inhabits. HEINOUS hits hard and does not stop. Mr. Moon pulls no punches. HEINOUS is mean and it's cold. It does not like you, and it does not intend to.

This book hurt in a way I haven't experienced in a good long time. It took me nearly twice as long to read HEINOUS as I'd expected due to frequently having to put the book down and clear my head or take a shower. It's uncomfortable, and there were times when I debated taking a break from HEINOUS to read something lighter, but Moon's writing is so clean, so vicious, that I had to keep going.

HEINOUS is by far the most impressive and effective horror novel I have read in years. It isn't one I'll forget for a long, long time. Mr. Moon, you've shaken me to my core, and I thank you for it.

So there you have it! I double dog dare you to walk in my darkness!
Order Heinous here now!

FRIST LOOK-Cover for Wacktards of the Apocalpyse

2011-06-05T06:58:00.001-07:00

(Give this bad boy a click to get a good look at it!)

COMING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON from The Library of Bizarro Horror!!!

Double Headed Review- King Scratch & DOOM MAGNETIC!

2011-05-28T17:08:00.001-07:00

Two of my favorite bizarro writers. Jordan Krall and William 'CAPLOCKS' Pauley III, will be joining forces this year to bring you a stellar duel novella from The Library of Bizarro Horror. I wanted to take a chance to give you my quick reviews on a few of their books. I'll do King Scratch and DOOM MAGNETIC! this week and Fistful of Feet and The Brothers Crunk next week.

King Scratch
By Jordan Krall

I think Jordan Krall has added his own sub-genre to the amazing Bizarro genre and I call it squid-noir. King Scratch is my Exhibit A.

King Scratch is a story about the seedy world of moonshine smuggling in the ever seedy New Jersey. This pulpy noir nightmare begins with the main character Jim and his lady friend, Peggy, in the middle of some good old fashioned screwing when Jim’s moonshining ex-father-in-law calls. Red Henry (Jim’s father-in-law) babbles a string of nonsense at Jim that happens to stir up an adventure in the making. Jim’s ex-wife Laura calls right after her father and asks Jim to check on the crazy old coot. What follows is pure chaos as only Jordan Krall can unleash. Car crashes, penile insertions, rape, pancakes, men in stove pipe hats, double crosses, psychopathic generals, more squid parts than a calamari processing plant, and the most repulsive moonshine ever are all high lights of this quick reading novella.

To add to the pulpy feel of the story Krall switches back and forth between 1st and 3rd person narratives as he follows Jim, who narrates his own story, and Black Boned Keith, a man following Jim through Krall’s greasy New Jersey town. Wicked visions and hellish reality mix as both men rush towards Red Henry’s home/ moonshine sill. The story twists and warps all the way to the conclusion dragging you through puddles of squid goo to get there.

The novella also features four short appendixes that are all different and equally twisted. Each simultaneously fills in story and twists it even more. The one with General Entwhistle is one of the coolest things I’ve ever read, hands down.

At this point I’m going to admit this novella isn’t for everyone but those that it is for will dig the hell outta it! Krall is an absolute master of the depraved, and he can describe a scene that should make your stomach twist and knot like some people can snap their fingers. There in lies this man’s talent, he is a damn fine writer and can make any story damn good. This is dark twisted pulpy noir story, and a damn fine one at that. I’m a fan of Jordan Krall and his writing, and King Scratch is just one of the reasons why. And, damn.

DOOM MAGNETIC!
By William Pauley III

With DOOM MAGNETIC! William Pauley III creates a fast-paced bizarro space western adventure. A space cowboy, Maundin, has followed a mysterious voice’s instructions and stolen a highly valuable purple television. A very powerful assassin, Qoser, with a cue ball eye and a small army of meat eating monsters known as Mopes is tracking Maundin across the entire galaxy in hopes of returning the purple television. Maundin gets the drop on the evil Qoser and manages to saw his head from his body before escaping. However, Qoser is a badass of the highest degree and possesses the power to open The DOOM MAGNETIC, a powerful and mysterious void, and a simple decapitation isn’t going to slow him down for long.

So with that DOOM MAGNETIC is off and running in what I can only describe as the best action movie from the 80’s that never really got made. Pauley creates a massive universe filled with space traveling jalopies, super hot chicks, incompetent doctors, floating state/ planets, stale smoke torture chambers, plenty of beer, coliseum battles, and Ziggy F’n Stardust. In short this is a highly accessible work of bizarro fiction that I have suggested to several bizarro-virgins. In long, this is a quick-paced, quick-witted, easy-to-read, non-stop-entertaining space western epic that will keep you chuckling all the way through. Highly recommend to fans of sci/fi, bizarro, action, and bizarro.

You can snag your very own, non squid smellin' copy of King Scratch here.

You can find space/western adventure DOOM MAGNETIC! here.

Shawn Cook (A.K.A. bagabones) Gives Me a Pretty Death

2011-05-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Look someone else kills the hell outta me!

A few months ago we played a game over at the Library of the Living Dead forum where I slaughtered my friends one by one while they all pointed at each other. Killing games are fun games. So, anyways, after I gutted everyone I, being the cool mofo I am, offered them all the chance to kill me back od buddy/co-author Tim Long took me up on it and turned it into one of the coolest birthday presents I've ever gotten. My editor and good friend Stephanie Kincaid brought Heinous to life to teach me a lesson in curse words, hooks and tentacles. And now Shawn Cook, the talented recluse known as bagabones on a number of forums,has given me a beautiful demise. Without any further chatter....my pretty death...

The cities and villages belonged to the ghosts now. Bodies lay in decaying repose as the world slowly faded to silence around them. Here and there they eroded to their base elements; in cars, houses and beds. Streets were desolate as fear had forced most indoors, perhaps one or two littered the pavement unable to go any farther towards their destination.

Birds, once immune to the pandemic, now lay alongside the carcasses of cat, dog, pig, cattle and human. The virus was eating the life from the world with a professional’s ease and a mountain’s patience. Only the ghosts, multitude in their silent witness, gained any number.

Jonathan pushed onward while the fever ravaged his brain and his skin burned; his guts were ice cold and shivering. He’d held out longer than the millions who’d gone before, had held out as long as he could. Now, he was nearing the end.

The car slalomed as consciousness tried to escape into feversleep and he forced his eyes open a little wider. The roar of rumble strips as his car eased to the shoulder whipped him back to wakefulness.

Tears slipped down his cheeks, mingled with sweat and dropped onto his stained shirt. His right hand skittered across the passenger seat like a palsied spider, searching out that hidden half-pack of cigarettes under the detritus of travel.

It was there, buried under the crinkled paper with the screaming headline: “SUPERVIRUS DEVISTATES EASTERN SEABOARD!”

A pop of flame, inhale deeply, fight the urge to cough, exhale. Fuck cancer, man; that shit takes too long. Smoke fills the car and he cracks the window. As he eases past an overturned tractor-trailer the stereo begins to hum a tuneless white noise.

“Jonathan.”

The whisper was barely audible.

“Jonathan.” The voice was low and flat, oozing from the speakers. The radio has been broken for weeks. “Where are you going, Jonathan?”

“The beach.” His voice rasps into the stale air. “Wanna see the ocean before I go.”

A burst of static. “Ah, of course. I shall wait for you there.”

The odd conversation had barely registered. In a mind scarred by nightmarish hallucinations this was little more than a hiccup. Within minutes the memory of the voice had been scorched from his mind.

He sat behind the wheel and watched the ocean roll itself upon the shore. He didn’t remember most of his trip, only flashes of clarity he wished to forget. Hastily dug mass graves and funeral pyres long extinguished, suicides hanging from trees and burnt houses. Lucidity had returned, his body exhausted from fighting, the heat under his skin lowered to a dull throb.

A figure appeared from behind a dune, far enough away for the features to be indistinct but Jonathan could tell it was a man.

A survivor, untouched and healthy? Doubtful. Perhaps another like-minded individual, plague ridden and dying, such as himself. He sneezed once, twice explosively into the air and tried to ignore the blood that now coated the steering wheel, dash and windshield.

************************************************

The sun felt good upon his shoulders. The sand pulled at his shoes. The sea driven breeze was almost cleansing. His fever began to return, snarling through his body; deadlier this time. He didn’t have long. Not long at all.

As he approached the figure, Jonathan began to tremble. Not entirely from the sickness. Although he looked human, this man was neither survivor nor victim, he was something else entirely. The pale skin and worn clothing had marked him as a shut-in lucky enough to have outlasted the plague. The eyes, black as the deepest ocean trench said otherwise.

“Hello, Jonathan.” The stranger’s mouth never moved.

Vertigo flooded into the spaces from which equilibrium fled and Jonathan slipped to the sand, sick and dizzy.

His mouth worked the word twice before his voice managed to speak.

“Who….?”

“An escort, if you will. You are one of the last.”

The stranger placed a knee in the sand next to where Jonathan rested and laid a boney hand upon the nape of his fevered neck. Jonathan’s eyes never left the restless, eternal ocean. The voice of the strange man spoke softly into Jonathan’s ear, one syllable; drawn out to coalesce with the crashing tide.

“Breathe.”

He inhaled as the world grew black at the edges and could feel his body being laid on its back in the sand.

“Let it go, Jonathan. Let it all go.”

Jonathan exhaled his last breath as those long past welcomed him with open arms.

Mr. Moon's Review of A Life On Fire

2011-05-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

I gleefully spend most spare hours I can with my nose in a book. I have stacks of horror and bizarro novels that litter my house. Books that shock, books that scare, and books that make me laugh out loud. And now, it’s time for something different…Chris Bowsman’s A Life on Fire.

A Life on Fire is one man’s journey into the flaming hell of depression. Gerald McManner is a young man at the cross-roads of life. His young wife recently committed suicide, leaving Gerald a total mess with more questions than joys. His job is monotonous and grates on his nerves. He has built a wall around him casting friends out of his private hell. Gerald turns to beer as a means of dealing with his pain and feelings but soon he finds himself in a twisted reality that defies logic time and time again. As the story progresses reality falls away for poor Gerald until he is forced to face up to the pains of life and either give up or carry on.

Bowsman has crafted a very emotional story and peppered it with weirdness and heartache that never lets go. There are some of the things I love about horror (monsters and turmoil) and some of the things I love about bizarro (twisted realities and enduring weirdness) but this novel stands out on its relentless emotional power. This is not a ‘feel good’ read. In fact, several passages punched me right in the heart with the force of a mallet and seriously brought me down. THAT IS HOW POWERFUL IT IS. The scenes with his wife were unflinchingly real and heart breaking, giving deep depression center stage in a way that almost turns the pages for you. Once you start on A Life on Fire you have to see how it turns out despite the emotional toll it takes. Again, I feel this demonstrates the quality of the work.

A Life on Fire is one of the most powerful novellas I’ve read in the past few years. It takes a twisted and fearless look at human sadness and resilience in a way fans of horror and bizarro should eat right up. I highly recommend A Life on Fire if you are looking for a read that will push your emotional buttons and constantly leave you wondering what can possibly happen next. Be warned, dear reader, as this is a story that will stick with you…as most great works do.

Click here for your heartpunch!

Two More Reviews of my Horrorcore Novel HEINOUS

2011-05-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

Heinous has been out for a full week now! I am very proud to share the links to two more great reviews for it. ****WARNING- A FEW SMALL SPOILERS******

Patrick D'Orazio is not only a Monkey Faced Demon alumni, not only the author of The Dark Trilogy, but also a very fair and consistent book reviewer. Swing by his blog and check out the detailed review of Heinous he was kind enough to do.

Darkmarkets.com is an on-line site that specializes in all the things that bump and slither in the night for all us horror-writer-ly types. Lorna D. Keach read and reviewed Heinous as well this weekend and you can find the GORE-stained review here!

So, for those of you keeping score...that's one review that said my dark humor makes it, another the story its self, and one for the depraved gore I inflict upon you. Really, now, what are you waiting for?

Order your own copy of my horrorcore masterpiece Heinous now!

HEINOUS is the Must Read of the Week at The Author Speaks

2011-05-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to get interviewed by author Eric Mays (he who wrote Naked Metamorphosis from the outstanding New Bizarro Author Series) on The Authors Speak Series. The interview was a blast as Eric is a great guy and fellow fan of scary-as-shit-horror and weird-as-shit-bizarro. And now, Mr. May's has not only reviewed my horrorcore novel, Heinous, but he went and made it 'The Must Read of the Week'!

Check out the interview and review and then getcha' some HEINOUS for yourself!

HEINOUS HATH ARRIVED!!!

2011-05-07T10:24:00.001-07:00

My horrorcore masterpiece is now available!

HEINOUS, HEINOUS, HEINOUS!!!

What 'THEY' Say About Heinous

2011-05-05T07:47:00.001-07:00

I received my PROOF copy of Heinous this week and it was perfect! Next step is getting it live which should only take a few short days. In the meantime, I wanted to share the finished cover and the stellar collection of blurbs I've been fortunate enough to receive from some truly talented writers and just plain bad ass humans. I know people need to hear a book is incredible from at least five people before they will spend money on it. Well, here is people telling you how much Heinous rocks.

“Imagine looking out the window and seeing your infant child standing in the middle of a busy street. That sunken chest punch in the gut feeling is all I can compare HEINOUS with. Jonathan Moon shows no mercy.”--William Pauley III-‐author of DOOM MAGNETIC! and The Brothers Crunk

"Uniquely disturbing, disturbingly unique"--Jessica Brown-‐horrornews.net and darkmarkets.com

“Heinous will suck you in with its easy, lyrical style so that it can electroshock you with straight-‐up gorgeous fear. Lines like, My memories are ghosts. Ghosts wrapped in barbed wire will haunt you to sleep. This book kicks ass. Jonathan Moon is one scary dude.”--Kevin Shamel, author of Rotten Little Animals and Island of the Super People

"[HEINOUS is] A breakneck hell-‐ride through the heart and mind of a rising talent. Once you're in, there's no stopping."--David Dunwoody, author of EMPIRE'S END and UNBOUND & OTHER TALES

"Get to know a man named Gavin Wagner and his dark friend inside, HEINOUS. Heinous will possess you to keep turning the pages into his world, and it is a dark one. What starts out as a vivid nightmare twists its way into a brutal reality of depravity and violence. This novel jolts you into and out of reality in whiplashes of macabre dreamscapes and morbid intent. Jonathan Moon is a name in Horror to be reckoned with. His words bleed with dim adjectives that blanket the reader in a gloomy sense of dread. Moon skillfully guides you down a pitch black path...with something sinister waiting around every corner and for you, the reader... there is
no light."--Jason Hughes, author of Without Notice and screen-writer of Dead Girls Don’t Cry

“From the haunting, mesmerizing opening to the stunning, pitch perfect conclusion, Mr. Moon weaves a tale of raw brutality and sheer terror that will stay with you long after you finish reading.In a word- Brilliant.“--Bryan Hall,author of Containment Room Seven

"Like a claustrophobic nightmare, Jonathan Moon carves out a dark dreamscape filled with ghastly images and dark terror in Heinous."--Bowie V. Ibarra,author of the 'Down the Road' zombie series

“It’s like Jonathan Moon ripped out my inner child and beat it with a shovel. Heinous is also an early contender for horror novel of the year.”--Timothy W. Long, author of The Zombie Wilson Diaries

So there you have it! Available VERY VERY SOON Heinous, Heinous, Heinous!!!

FEAROLOGY!!!

2011-04-29T08:14:00.001-07:00

Hells yes! I have a story in the newest antho from The Library of Horror, Fearology.

Now, apparently there was so many great stories subbed for this one that Bill "Editor Extraordinaire" Tucker has put together 3 Fearologies! You can find my story 'The Fear Vs. The Need' in this first one. Check out the Toc then order yourself up one!

Fearology : Terrifying Tales of Phobias TOC

Stephanie Kincaid - Bursting With Nutty Goodness

Colin Harvey - Dark

C. C. Blake - I Own My Fears

Val Muller - Horrible Harry

Mark Souza - Relative Undertow

F. J. R. Titchenell - Gravity

Robert Guffey - Birth Of A Nation

Camille Alexa - Things From Things

Jonathan Moon - The Fear vs The Need

Merrill Catharine Hodnefield - Isobel And The Machine

Ken Goldman - Donny Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Joe Nazare - Bash

Quinn Hernandez - The Hell Behind Her Eyes

J. T. Seat - The Cock Collection

Gustavo Bondoni - Back In The Fold

Kody Boye - DJ Skippy Says Life Goes On

Order Fearology here!

The Self Mutilation Blues is up at The New Flesh!

2011-04-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

My new short story, The Self Mutilation Blues, is up over at William Pauley III's incredible The New Flesh. The New Flesh is a fantastic place to read weird short stories. I'm proud to say William Pauley III is putting together an anthology of strange, and longer, pieces for a print edition of The New Flesh that we will be putting out under The Library of Bizarro Horror press banner later in the year. Swoop by to read The Self Mutilation Blues and stay and check out the TONS of other great stories by very talented weirdos!

The Eerily Realistic Demise of Mr. Moon by Stephaine Kincaid

2011-04-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

(A little bit of back ground....months ago a group of us on The Library of the Living Dead forum played a Murder Mystery game when I was the murderer! I tore my friends from the board into tiny wet pieces one by one while they tried to figure out who was behind the killings. Since I'm the nice guy I am I offered those I killed a chance to do the same to me and I would post it up here on the Monkey Faced Demon. Tim Long killed the hell outta me on my birthday. Zombie Zak is supposedly killing me soon. Mrs. Kincaid took it upon her self to kill me this morning...and she does a damn fine, if not personally terrifying job!)

Mr. Moon let forth a flood of expletives so venomous that his features seemed to melt away in the face of his vicious cursing, leaving only an overflowing potty mouth with nary a plunger in sight. There were curses that boomed and curses that tiptoed, curses that shone with demonic light, and curses so foul that a scent of sulfur floated in their wake. Small animals cowered in terror at the blasphemous filth pouring from his lips, and flowers wilted and blackened, blighted by the unholy pestilence of his utterances.
Borne on the torrent of filth was one word, one little syllable that warranted repeating in decent company.
“Why?”
But let’s back up a little, shall we?

It had been a pleasant evening for Moon. He’d been reviewing the latest edits for the re-release of his most deliciously foul work ever: Heinous, the story of a sadistic demon and the unfortunate boy he possesses. This version was longer, more brutal, and far more disturbing than the original. Sometimes, when he worked on the book into the wee hours, he even gave himself nightmares. Those were his favorite nights.
Tonight, however, would be an early night. Once he wrapped up the edits, he felt sure he’d rest in peace. He had no idea how right he was.
Moon clicked through the document, accepting the last few changes with a grin. He’d done it! Heinous was ready to go. He opened his email, all set to send a victorious message to his editor, only to discover that she was way ahead of him.
“From: Stephanie Kincaid,” he read. “Subject: CONGRATULATORY TENTACLES.”
Chuckling, he opened the message.
“Congrats on finishing Heinous,” it said. “Click here to retrieve your bouquet of a dozen writhing tentacles. Talk too you soon, Stephanie.”
“Weird,” muttered Moon. “Talk too you soon?” He’d never known Stephanie to make grammatical errors. Maybe she’d just made a typo in her excitement about the book. It was possible. But something about it didn’t sit well with him. Still … he could worry about his editor later. There were tentacles to be retrieved, damn it!
Moon was not one to pass up a single tentacle, let alone a dozen!
Especially when they were writhing.
Click.
The graphic to which he was redirected was adorable. Twelve chubby purple tentacles with lime-green suction cups, tied into a bouquet with a sweet pink bow, wiggled and waved in a merry little dance from the screen. In the background, a saccharine version of “If You’re Happy and You Know it” played nonstop, sung by a chorus of what might have been kindergarteners but might also have been elves on speed; Moon couldn’t quite tell—and wasn’t sure there was that much of a difference. It was at once the most grotesque email he’d ever received and the cutest. Even as he considered how very nauseating the song was—particularly this squeaky, smarmy incarnation of it—he found himself bobbing his head to what passed for a beat.
“Stephanie, you are one sick lady,” he said to his computer screen.
“You have no idea,” growled a voice from within the machine.
“What the hell?” Moon made a mental catalog of all the substances he’d ingested that day, but failed to turn up anything that would produce hallucinations of a gravelly-voiced computer-dwelling creature. It had been a slow day.
As he sat there, gaping at the computer, the image of the waving tentacles flickered, and the screen cracked—just a little at first, but a small crack in one corner soon became a spider web that covered the screen. All at once, the screen fell away with a horrible rasping sound, and a dozen slimy, sinewy tentacles—not nearly so cute now—burst from the machine and wrapped themselves around Moon’s torso, hoisting him into the air. The more he struggled, the tighter the tentacles gripped him, crushing him from all sides. He was sure he could feel his organs turning to pulp.
“Look on the bright side,” said a woman’s voice. “Your innards will make a lovely smoothie. High in protein, low in fat. Healthy and tasty.”
Beneath the desk on which the shattered remains of his computer lay, the floor seemed to fall away, exposing a pit that, from his airborne vantage point, looked forbiddingly deep. And from this pit crawled none other than the woman who had sent the email that started this nightmare.
“Stephanie?” Moon gasped. “Help me, please!” To his brain, scrambled as it was by panic and pain, the woman who had just climbed up into his home from the bowels of the earth … the woman whose appearance had been heralded by a dozen tentacles doing an excellent boa constrictor impersonation … the woman who wielded a red pen more vicious than a wolverine with PMS … this woman still looked like a friend.
Until, that is, she hoisted a wicked gleaming hook into the air. The short brunette had looked much less threatening on Facebook.
She waved the hook like a conductor’s baton, and five of the twelve tentacles released their hold on Moon. The other seven squeezed even tighter to compensate, and Moon had a sudden empathy for every stress toy ever manufactured. The five tentacles plunged into the pit and emerged bearing hooks just like Stephanie’s. She continued to weave her hook in intricate patterns, directing a balletic masterpiece in fear. The tentacles that held him turned him so that he dangled upside down and rearranged themselves to leave his head and torso exposed. Several tentacles held him by the legs; the rest bound his arms to limit his flailing. The tentacles with the hooks danced and swerved, ultimately poising themselves before Moon’s poor abused body. One waited right before his forehead, one before each eye, one over his heart, and one in front of his stomach.
Stephanie grinned with manic glee. “Any last words?” she asked, her tone mocking.
That was when the flood of expletives began. It ran its course until the lone sad syllable hung on the fear-charged air.
“Why?”
“Because you created me. And there’s only one way to be stronger than the one who made you.” The words came from Stephanie’s mouth, but the voice was not hers. And all at once, Moon knew. He knew the voice, recognized it from his own mind, from his nightmares. It was the voice of Heinous, the demon he himself had created.
In one fluid move, Stephanie swung her hook up and brained herself, the hook entering through one nostril and exiting through the top of her head. The crazy grin stayed plastered on her face. It was an unnerving sight made even more so by the fact that he was viewing it upside down.
“But … but …” stammered Moon, “you just killed your host.”
“Bitch kept correcting my grammar,” growled Heinous through Stephanie’s lips.
“But you need a living host!” Moon cried, spotting his opportunity. “You can’t survive in our plane of existence without a human to possess. I can save you!”
Heinous laughed, a sound more terrifying than the screams of all the souls in Hell. “Yeah, and I can’t travel via computer either, right? Or open a pit to Hell in the middle of your house, huh?”
The hooks before Moon’s eyes looked especially pointy. This wasn’t going well.
“You wanted an upgraded Heinous, right, Moon? Well, you got it. Meet Heinous 2.0,” the demon growled.
And the hooks struck home.

AWESOME! Uh, thanks for the slaughter, Steph! You can catch her chatting with Lori Titus and Tonia Brown right here.

Mr. Moon Interviews Patrick D'Orazio

2011-04-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

I am very proud to bring you another Monkey Faced Demon interview with another one of my very talented brothers from The Library of the Living Dead, Patrick D'Orazio! Mr.D'Orazio is not only a friend but someone I've had the honor to share a ToC with a few times now (we both have killer stories in The Zombist and Houdini Gut Punch). Not only is he a friend but he is literally so talented it leaks from his ears in small streams (making him one of the most popular guys to sit next to at conventions). He is so prolific he was like, 'Debut novel, *scoff*, I'm doing a damned DEBUT TRILOGY and it's gonna frickin' rock!' Okay, I don't know if he ever had that verbalized inner dialogue but I like to imagine he did. With out any further jibber jabber, Patrick D'Orazio...

Q. I like to start these off with your influences. Who or what made you want to write?

A. Well, there are people who’ve influenced me, like family members and friends who have always encouraged my desire to read and write and to be creative in general, and also writers who know how to tell a story that sucks you in and leaves you gasping for more once the story is over. World builders who create intricate places that have blown my mind over the years and fill me with envy and the desire to do something similar, or at least take a shot at it. Of course, the horror influences include both movie makers like Romero and Carpenter as well as writers like King, Straub, and many others. But other independent writers out there also rock my socks off-the folks who just write for the joy of it, and may never know for sure if they will become household names and aren’t really worried about such things. They are the folks that keep me motivated day and night to get better and do something that matters to me, even if what I come up with doesn’t matter to anyone else.

Q. You’ve built up quite a resume of short stories. Can you give us a run down of ALL you short story appearances over the past few years as well as this year?

A. Well, actually, I’ve only been writing short stories that I’ve been trying to get published for a little over a year now, but here is the list of those published or to be published soon:
“I’m Sorry” appears in Letters from the Dead
“The Woeful Tale of Dalton McCoy” appears in The Zombist
“A Soldier’s Lament” appears in Eye Witness: Zombie
“Consumer’s Paradise” appears in Houdini Gut Punch
“Compulsion” appears in Daily Bites of Flesh 2011
“Humans Being Human” appears in Zombiality
“You Only Die Twice” appears in Doomology
“What A Fool Believes” will appear in Zombidays
“Little Lost Lamb” appear will appear in Deep Horror
“NZLB” will appear in Night of the Giving Dead
“The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Zombie Slayers” will appear in The Moron’s Guide to the Zombocalypse
“Hell in the Family” will appear in Groanology
“Slow Goth and St. North” will appear in No More Heroes
“Dog Days” will appear in Rapid Decomposition
“Swing Shift” will appear in Nocturnal Emissions
“What’s Eating You?” will appear in Groanology II
“The Intervention” will appear in A Glitch in the Continuum
“The Collective” will appear in Fearology III: Planting the Seeds of Terror
“Cicada” will appear in Zombie: The Other Fright Meat
“Victus Mortuus” will appear in Zombies without Borders
“VRZ” will appear in Look What I Found
“Legacy” will appear in appear in Live and Let Undead
“Animal Magnetism” will appear in a Collaboration of the Dead Anthology
and I am also a contributor of a couple of chapters to the novel project that is currently titled Collaboration of the Dead with a huge array of authors.

(Interviewer Note A: say it with me, "Dammmmmmn.')
(Interviewer Note B; I'm in Collaboration of the Dead too!)

Q. Fast zombies or slow zombies?

A. I wrote about slow zombies in my trilogy, but I am an equal opportunity fan of all types of zombies. Slow have the allure of being able to build that dread as they slowly close in, giving survivors the time to devour each other, at least figuratively, before the zombies ever get the chance to. But fast zombies have that adrenaline pumping, no one is getting out of this thing alive, type tempo to them that really freak me out as well. I plan on writing a few stories using fast zombies in the near future, because they fit with the narrative I am cooking up. So I guess fast or slow, it all depends on the setting and what works for the particular story is my wishy washy answer.

Q. Favorite zombie movie? Why?

A. Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead are neck and neck, but there are so many that make the list of really great movies. The remake of Dawn revitalized my passion for zombies after a few years away from them, so it gets honorable mention along with 28 Days Later. But it almost seems unfair, because there are a lot of movies that have contributed to my love affair of zombies like Shaun of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive…and of course, Night of the Living Dead. So I suppose I am being wishy washy once again in making a firm choice as one absolute best movie.

Q. Can you tell us about the Dark Trilogy?

A. No! Er, sorry, I always wanted to say that when asked in an interview. Actually, I can, but instead of giving a synopsis of the plot, I think I would rather focus on what I was trying to do, which was to pay respect to what really drew me to zombies and zombie stories in the first place-the human dynamic. Developing real characters who don’t know what the hell they’re doing as the world falls apart all around them. I think that drew me to what Romero created in Night and Dawn of the Dead, and it really walloped me when I watched them for the first time and the hundredth time. It really hit home when I saw Day of the Dead even more so. You can hate certain people for acting the way they do, but to say that they’re completely wrong for trying to do whatever they need to so they can survive, even if it seems evil on the surface, makes it all the more fascinating to me. No one comes out of this mess unscathed, and most won’t come out of it alive…that is what drove me on with this story. Everyone is shattered, not only by the dead rising up all around them, but by what they are forced to do, and what they are forced to accept about themselves and what it takes to stay alive.

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. I am working on another short story for an anthology called Soul Survivors, while at the same time working on another book set in the same universe as my Dark Trilogy, though it will stand separately from the trilogy. I have some other novel concepts in the works as well that I am outlining and writing up a few chapters for…the key for me is trying to stay centered on a single project at a time, which can be tricky. Too many ideas, too little time.

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory?

A. Willy would be my bitch. I have thousands of ideas for uses for chocolate and candy that he never even dreamed up. The Department of Defense has contacted me about some of those ideas, so I can’t speak about them publicly. Old Willy, he would kick me out before I got through the front door of the place because I would have already schooled his Wonky Wonka ass the first moment I saw him.

(Interviewer Note: He who controls the chocolate controls the world.)

Q. Who is your ALL-TIME favorite bad guy from film or book?

A. Well, there are two of them, for different reasons. Randall Flagg from The Stand and the entire Dark Tower series of books, because Stephen created someone that was persistent and remained an influence across worlds, across realities, and tore that shit up. He keeps cropping up, like a bad penny, and has different names, different images, but he is always someone who will mess with your head more than anyone else.
Another one that isn’t necessarily a bad guy, but I loved what he did was The Mule from Isaac Asimov’s Second Foundation, because all he did was disrupt everyone in an entire galaxy’s and their view of how things should be-he knocked everything off kilter from some perfect plan of the future and of history. He stirred things up in an epic way, which I guess makes him a bad guy in a lot of ways. But it also makes him cool as hell. Screw all the math, because there will always be some fly who gets in the ointment and makes a mess of all your pretty little toys.

Q. Seriously, what are the odds of an actual Zombie Apocalypse?
A. I give odds as about fifty-fifty that someone will come up with some sort of prion based assault on us that turns most of us into maniacs. Then again, the term “zombie” can be applied loosely to about two-thirds of the population already, so maybe it has already happened and we just don’t realize it yet. They don’t have to eat your brains for you to turn into a walking lump of stupidity…you just have to let it happen. Most of us are more than happy to do just that.

Q. Who said, ‘You said it yourself, Dude, She kidnapped herself.’ ?

A. I don’t answer that question on Shabbos! I don’t answer that question, and I sure as hell don’t roll on Shomer shabbos!

(Interviewer Note: I am so buying you a White Russian when we go bowlin'.)

Q. Aside form being an author you’ve been a dedicated and honest reviewer of independent works. Where do you think Independent Horror will be in three and a half years?

A. Wow…well, I can base my answer on what has happened over the past four or five years. There has been an explosion of more stuff out there, both bad and good, because it has become that much easier to produce your own stuff, but at the same time, some of the smaller publishers have become more main stream with their offerings by partnering with bigger publishers (like Permuted Press has done). The smarter big guys might think about creating smaller, independent partners, like movie studios have done, where some big studio has an art house wing that gives smaller budget offerings more exposure while still maintaining their indy cred. But who knows if they’ll catch on? I think more small press writers will make it big, but do it on their own terms. There are authors out there self-publishing and getting in with smaller presses that are making a name for themselves just by being on facebook, twitter, and having fans who spread the word for them far and wide. They get on message boards and they toss out samples of their work and they are just as good, if not better, than some of the big names out there. They don’t write for a demographic or because this or that is “in” right now, they write what they want to write and to hell with whether or not it finds an audience. Good stuff finds an audience that craves what they write, because it goes against the grain and doesn’t fit into some sort of pigeonhole. Again, not all of it is good, but it’s amazing how far someone can go these days without having the big guns of a huge publishing house behind them. Electronic books will continue to expand the field. How easy is it to buy a book for $.99 to $2.99 for the nook or kindle instead of shelling out $20 for some big named authors work? That will keep things rocking. I think there will be exponential change. The big houses will adapt and modify their approach, while the little guys keep thinking of new ways to get their stuff out there without being beholden to any of them.

Q. Quick, name drop five great Indy Horror writers!

A. I could name a lot more than that, but here goes, off the top of my head: Tony Monchinski, Craig DiLouie, William Todd Rose, David Dunwoody, and Tonia Brown. I hate leaving out the tons of other great writers that I have devoutly followed and enjoyed, but they were the first ones that came to mind.

DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. Now, I happen to know you are almost as much of a fan of Science Fiction as you are of Zombies. So let’s mix things up a bit and give you a good gory Sci-Fi DEATHMATCH….

Deep in the 8th Dimension Buckaroo Banzi is cruising with his band of merry men (A.K.A. The Hong Kong Cavilers) are blasting to Earth to perform a rock concert as only they can. A sudden explosion rocks the ship, descending the crew into chaos. The smoke clears and there stands Dr. Emilio Lizardo surrounded by four of those nasty H.R. Geiger inspired, Sigourney Weaver tormenting Aliens!

In 1000 words (give or take) describe the carnage and the out come!

A. Immediately, Buckaroo and the Cavaliers see right through the aliens because they’ve all travelled through the eight dimension and recognize them as the Red Lectroids they really are. Lord John Whorfin (aka Emilio Lizardo), John Yaya, John Bigboote, John Gomez and John O’Connor don’t realize Buckaroo and crew recognize them and start spitting up some of the battery acid they’ve been drinking to stick with the alien imagery they’ve chosen.
Whorfin goes into his tired spiel about demanding the Oscillation Overthruster from Banzai so he can rescue his buddies from the 8th Dimension and they can get back to Planet 10, or he’ll sick the aliens on the Cavaliers. Buckaroo tells him that Planet 10 was sent through an interdimensional warp and the Black Lectroids are now cast members of The Jersey Shore, so they can get revenge on them if they stick around on earth rather than trying to get back to their home planet.
Whorfin and the other John’s take off and head to the shore, then proceed to beat the snot out of Snookie, The Situation, and all the other douche nozzles on the TV show. Since they still look like aliens to everyone watching on MTV, the network immediately signs them up for a five season revival of Celebrity Death Match/The Real World, where they end up killing everyone from every different reality show on television, as well as Springer, the Maury show, and all those damn Judge shows that play during the day. The ratings are through the roof, with the week where they shove a cattle prod up one of Sanjaya’s (from American Idol) orifices it surpasses ratings for the Super Bowl.
Whorfin and the John’s get jaded with their celebrity status and the fact that Buckaroo Banzai and the Honk Kong Cavaliers still outsell them in comic books, concert revenue, and t-shirt sales, so they plan on taking them on once again, and challenge them to a throw down on their TV show.
Buckaroo, who is scheduled to remove a malignant brain tumor from the President’s brain, refuses at first, but the John’s kidnap Penny Priddy once again and Buckaroo is forced to come up with a way to rescue her. Disguising himself as a Hollywood agent, Perfect Tommy meets with John Whorfin and tells him that NBC is creating a remake of Third Rock from the Sun, but this time Dick Solomon has been replaced by the Trinity Killer from the Fourth Season of Dexter, and they want him for the role. Whorfin refuses at first, but Tommy promises him that he will be able to kill at least one “monkey boy” a week if he signs up for the show and backs out of his MTV contract. Whorfin agrees and ditches the other John’s. MTV sues, but by then Whorfin has already joined Charlie Sheen on his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour to promote the new show and has let Penny go because Charlie tells him that she doesn’t have Adonis DNA and is a troll in disguise. Then Whorfin proceeds to kill everyone at MTV, because they no longer play music freakin’ videos, like they did when the Buckaroo movie came out back in the eighties.
Buckaroo realizes that the idea of the show that Perfect Tommy came up with is actually a pretty good idea and invests in it and convinces the people on Spike TV to air it. It goes on to win an Emmy for best comedy and Whorfin gets a Golden Globe for best actor. Buckaroo and him go on to become good friends and work together to invent a new and improved Oscillation Overthruster that will take them to the eleventh dimension, which is just like the tenth dimension, only louder.
To be continued…

Son of a BITCH, Patrick! How can you leave a 'To be continued...? Why, man, why? You just made my OCD flare up like a damned tire and broken pallet bonfire!
Thanks for the fantastic interview and the OCD attack, Mr. D'Orazio!

You can find Patrick on his blog here.

You can buy his books (and some of his antho appearances) here.

NEXT UP...sometime...Jordan 'Boss' Krall!!!!!

Mr. Moon's Review of Sins and Tragedies

2011-04-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

Sins and Tragedies

By The Staff of the Dark Fiction Show.

Sins and Tragedies is an anthology composed of three stories apiece from Stephen W. Roberts, JD Stone, Staci Bolli, and Thadd Presley (with a wicked sick cover by Chuck Hodi). As you should very well expect from the staff of something called The Dark Fiction Show the fiction here is indeed dark, horrific, and well written.

Stephen W. Roberts is the only one of the four I have read before as Mr. Roberts and I have both been contributors on Jason Baker’s Abandoned 1, 2, and 3. He has a style that is poetic and beautifully grim. Each of his three stories here (‘A Voice Within’, ‘Rose’s Roses’, and ‘Clutch My Heart Nevermore) are great examples of his style as each drips with grace and menace. The horror in these 3 stories is emotionally taunt and naturally gripping.

JD Stone writes his form of classic horror with wonderful descriptions and great action. His stories here (‘Glass Atrophy’, ‘Phantom Weight’, and ‘Cursed Blessing’) all took me back to the horror stories by King, Koonz, and Straub from my youth in that each is well told, features well developed characters, and are very immersing. Stone shows a confidence that enables him to drag you from everyday America to the streets of India and then to the deepest thralls of terror seamlessly.

The three stories from Staci Bolli (‘Momma’s Boy’, ‘Toilet Troubles’, and ‘Music of the Swamp’) are all three quite different from each other. She manages to write with a gentle wit that never draws from the horror of each story yet almost gives you a false sense of ease before the terror of inner turmoil drowns you. Bolli is a brave new female voice in horror that is unafraid to make you cringe, cry, or laugh.

Thadd Presly’s stories impressed me the most as they are vivid and fearless in looking at the monsters inside of human-kind. His style is dark (everyone knows I like the darkness), raw, and brutal. His three stories (‘The Treatment’, ‘Shallow Grave’, and ‘Halloween’) are each explicit and unsettling character studies in the abyss of human depravity.

As with most anthologies I enjoyed some stories more than others (and a few even left me flat) but taken in as a whole Sins and Tragedies is a good collection of varying horror tales that captures many of the things that made us all fall in love with the darkness. No matter if you like your horror dripping with gore, story, or emotion these talented writers got you covered with Sins and Tragedies.

Snag yourself a copy here!

Discount Darkness

2011-04-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

For the month of April ONLY I'm offering a special deal to entice you to read some of my horrorcore goodness.

1. Buy Mr. Moon's Nightmares before May 1st and send your receipt to bizarrohorror@yahoo.com and I'll send you back a FREE PDF of The Library of Bizarro Horror's first anthology, Houdini Gut Punch.

OR

2. Buy a copy of Houdini Gut Punch before may 1st and send your receipt to bizarrohorror@yahoo.com and I'll send you a FREE PDF of my first collection of horrorcore stories, Mr. Moon's Nightmares.

OR (for the dedicated and brave only)

3. Order 1 copy each of Mr. Moon's Nightmares and Houdini Gut Punch mail that receipt to bizarrohorror@yahoo.com and I'll send you a FREE PDF copy of my upcoming horrorcore novel, HEINOUS!

It is so win-win-win I can almost smell Charlie Sheen's whiskey breath from here!

Mr. Moon's Chatty Week and a Half

2011-04-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have been fortunate enough as of late to speak with some very talented and very cool people about this horror and bizarro thing I love so much. I had an interview with Shells Walters (author of Dead Practices) go live on March 31, 2011. Then after talking with Mr. Eric Mays (author of NAKED METAMORPHOSIS) I'll be crashing The Authors Speak Series on 4/9/11 at 12 EST...that's right a Moon nooner.
And then, just when I was feeling like I couldn't possibly have anything else to pimp my interview with Monkey Faced Demon alumni David Agranoff (author of Hunting the Moon Tribe) went live last night!
I'm honored to be getting the chances to speak with peeps of such awesome attitude and talent so, pretty, pretty please swoop by all the links and read my witty words of wisdomish.

Also, Monkey Faced Demon interviews with Jordan Krall (Fistful of Feet, King Scratch, Squid Pulp Blues) and Patrick D'Oraiazo (Comes the Dark, Into the Dark, a million short stories) and more are in the works!
Thank you for swinging by and see ya next time!

Talkin' with Shells

Rappin' with David

Harassin' Eric

First Look, HEINOUS Cover and Chapter Titles

2011-03-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

Dream: Limbo

My Sick Story: Becoming Hate

Dream: Meat Hooks and the Damned

My Sick Story: The Grieving Process

Dream: Fear of the Light

My Sick Story: Broken Branches on the Family Tree

Dream: The Ash of Trees and Dreams

My Sick Story: Heathens in the Sun

Dream: Wall of Dead Flesh

My Sick Story: Decades that Bled

Dream: Wagner Family Reunion

My Sick Story: Resolution Reeks of Gasoline

COMING SOON from Library of Horror Press

Read a sample here

Bugs Of Dhoooooooooom by Timothy W. Long

2011-03-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

(The following is a story my good friend and co-author Tim Long wrote for me on my thirty third birthday. What a cool dude, right?)

Bugs of Dhoooooooooom

The day Mr. MoOn died was a fine one indeed. Not even a summers eve douche commercial could match it’s brilliance. From chirping cicadas to neighbors - who for once, did not require any help moving items around their house – leaving Mr. MoOn to his own devices.

McDonalds was out of the question. Our crack-mac-daddy of dhoom required a breakfast of sustenance. Thus, he arose to an eerily quite house and set about making the largest pile of Belgian Waffles the county had ever seen. The plan, such that it was, involved blending the ingredients in his bathtub. Unfortunately, his last batch of LSD had been created here. Yes, his wacky tik-taky’s, his trip, his dots of love, mixed with the batter.

Son of a bitch Leon had been by. Probably that very night. Ghosted in like he owned the place. Mr. MoOn’s traps were nothing to this man. There existed a school of secretive men in Koga – Shiga Prefecture, Japan that didn’t possess half the prowess that Leon did. They would weep at his fleet footedness, toss shuriken like popcorn at his fleeing form and yet none would ever be the wiser to his passing.

The waffles were prepared and set out on a eighty seven foot long table. Towns people came from near and far to partake. They brought a collection of honeys, syrups, and toppings of various girths, like a tidal wave of sweets. They rolled in, backed across his lawn, tore up tulips and daisys, cut down trees to make room, and even used the house across the street as a giant shitter.

Fun and games it was. Love and beer flowed like urine at a portapotty in Bangladesh. Chicken nuggets were brought in on a flat bread truck to join the waffle convention. A dump truck filled with gravy joined the hijinks. Mr. MoOn slaved over the hot griddle until it was night fall. Exhausted to his very core, he finally went outside to consider his constituents.

They lay in piles, sat in clumps, and ran in naked gangs that abused the wildlife in the area. A crafty raccoon saw the writing on the wall and high tailed it to the roof. He set up a video camera and sent the feed directly to Fox News who latched onto it like a junkie with a fresh bag of heroin.

The orgy started at midnight and ended in blood. MoOn, for his part, had grown tired of cooking Belgium Waffles one at a time. He heated a brick of aluminum to the point of melting, then shaped it into a giant circle and used the old waffle iron to stamp little nubs in it. As it flattened it grew until the new waffle iron took up then entire floor.

The revelers, upon learning of a new batch of super waffles, abandoned beating the shit out of each other to join together in a mass psychosis dream of forty foot tall grasshoppers. MoOn grew wise to the hallucinations and popped a series of pills to offset the images. Uppers, downers, sidwaysers. He finished it off with a cake of hash the size of a gold bar and promptly passed out.

Bathed in waffle batter, honey, syrup and massive piles of powdered sugar (more than once mistaken for cocaine), the party goers, led by a one armed monkey, scampered into the city proper and ate most of it.

Mr. MoOn woke a few moments later to a scene of devastation. His city burned. Flames rose into the night painting the sky a patina of randy hues. Across this nightscape strode things from nightmares. Grasshoppers the size of sky scrapers marched to the beat of a Ramstein dirge. The noise pulsed against the air as did the howl of party goers as they were consumed by the waffle seeking bugs.

Upon eating all the partygoers, the grasshoppers started on Mr. MoOn’s house. They ate the chimney, then the roof. They went at a bedroom and then patio. They found the kitchen and lowered arm sized extruders to lap at the batter - which didn’t last long.

This meant that they also found the trace amounts of bathtub LSD and consumed it.

Then, with visions of headless unicorns emoting rainbows and broken dreams from their asses, the grasshoppers consumed Mr. MoOn and his marvelous waffle maker. Leon watched from a shadow the size of a postage stamp. He cackled with glee and then faded into the night on ghost feet.

Then the grasshoppers started on the rest of Idaho.

Mr. Moon Interviews David Agranoff

2011-03-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

David Arganoff is a man of many hats. I have been lucky enough to ask him a few questions, however, I’m only going to be speaking to the David in the cool writer beanie and talking only about books and such. David is in fact so fascinating that he is the first fellow author I’ve interviewed that I will post a link to another interview at the end of this one so you can read more about this creative, dedicated force of nature. But for now…AWAKE Monkey Faced Demon!

Q. Let’s start at the beginning, what made you want to be a writer?

A. I have always loved the power of stories, and from a young age I wanted to make up my own Science Fiction. My first Sci-fi stories were composed before I could type. My mom and I read a series of Sci-fi Adventure novels by Issac Asimov called Lucky Starr. I begged her to get Lucky Starr and the Rings of Saturn, because the cover was cool. She read all seven books to me. I wanted to make up my own Lucky Starr stories but Mom suggested I create my own character. So I dictated my first story to her and she typed on her old Smith Corona typewriter.

When I got a little older I discovered horror. I remember being in 7th grade and reading Stephen King's The Stand, the scope of the story and the terror of it was very real to me. Then I read Clive Barker, John Carpenter movies, they stimulated my imagination, and there was nothing else I ever wanted to be.

The ability to create a story that entertains and stimulates the imagination is pretty much the coolest job I can think of. I have a learning disability, and early in my adult life I talked myself out of trying. My Grammar was (and is) pretty awful. But I dedicated myself to the task, when I was about 27 years old to follow my first dream.

Ray Bradbury is correct about writing when he says the first million words are terrible, No matter how much rejection I faced I kept plugging away until my ideas and execution got better. It was long learning process but now I believe I am writer I dreamed of being when I was in middle school.

Q. Your novel The Vegan Revolution with Zombies is not only a well written zombie novel but it features one of the most realistic reasons behind the rising dead. How long did it take from the spark of idea to holding a copy in your hands?

A. Of the six novels I have written, Vegan Rev is the only one that didn't marinate in my gray matter for years. For example I first had the idea for Hunting the Moon Tribe during the second year of Clinton being in office. I saw Interview with a Vampire in the theater and walked out thinking, I could do better than that. I worked on it as a screenplay for several years, developed notes, outlines and did tons of research on Chinese mythology. The writing of the novel only took three months, but the various drafts and formats have had 15 years of work.

As for Vegan Revolution...With Zombies. Carlton Mellick approached me about doing a vegan zombie novel, it took me a few weeks of brainstorming, I chased a few other stupid ideas before I thought of the one that worked. Once I had the story and the setting, the character who works at a “with zombie” publishing house, it all came together quick. Pitched it to the Eraserhead team in February, and two months later I was writing. That only took about a month, and we spent the summer, putting it together. Filmed the trailer in august. We had the big release at the Portland Vegfest in September and sold out of books in 2 hours. From idea to Vegfest was about nine months.

Can't thank the Eraserhead crew enough, they really believed in this book, and pushed me out of my comfort zone to do it. I have written comedy short stories, but I never thought about doing a whole novel of satire, but I have fun and I'll do it again for sure. I am very proud of the book.

(Interviewer note: The trailer for the Vegan Revolution...with Zombies is incredibly awesome and very worth watching)

Q. Do you remember your first published story?

A. My partner Cari and I Co-wrote a vampire story called Addiction, that is still on the internet in a webzine (along side A story written by a young Cameron Pierce). It is a bloated over written story that contains some interesting ideas. Cari is a great writer and she has a hand written half finished experimental novel about a feminist super hero called Shrink, that is simply amazing, I hope one day she will finish it. She also wrote a great story that is the very limited hard to find Vault of Punk horror Anthology.

In many ways my first serious published work was a a chapbook called “The Gutter Limits” of horror and bizarro flash fiction that I co wrote with four friends under the name Booger Murphy. There are only about 100 of those out in the world, it pretty good stuff. Both Cari and I have stories in that book, I have a story in that called “He Gets Around,” about a serial killer Yard Gnome. I love that story. In a lot of ways I consider that my first published work.

Q. Cannibals or zombies? Why?

A. Cannibalism is not very vegan friendly for sure, but to be honest cannibalism doesn't seem any different or worse to me as meat-eating in general. I am turned off by all flesh-eating Bud in Day of the Dead,Ronald MacDonald or Leatherface it is all the same to me.

Zombies at least have no control over it, they can't help it. So I suppose I'll go with zombies.

Q. I’m a studious interviewer and checked out your blog before diddling this string of randomness I call and interview together. I see you got THREE very different novels coming ready this year. The first being Hunting the Moon Tribe. Can you tell us about it and when it will be available?

A. Very Soon! When I was kid in Indiana we had a horror host Sammy Terry who showed Horror movies on Fridays at 11:30. After Sammy Terry they would show Black Belt theater, so Friday nights would often go from Hammer to Shaw brothers movies. I would tape them and watch them back to back on Saturday mornings. I grew up a fan of both genres. I love Wuxia Pan movies which are basically chinese kungfu fantasy and I wanted to do my own take with monsters and vampire hunters. Really make the vampires intense and scary.

Hunting the Moon Tribe is vampire novel, but also a lot more. It's a heroes journey novel influenced Chinese mythology, and Kung fu movies. I am very proud of it because it is pure storytelling, and I don't think it is like anything else out there.

Q. The second, the awesomely titled Goddamn Killing Machines, seems to have an Apocalypse Now feel. Was the movie an influence?

A. That film was based on Conrad's Heart of Darkness and of course they were both an influence, but I would say World War II men on a mission movies (The Dirty Dozen, and Force 10 / Guns of Navarone) were a bigger influence.

It is the story of a group of military contractors in the 22nd century wanted for war crimes who are given a mission to kill an unidentified target on a hostile moon. Basically the whole ecosystem is hostile to human life. The target is somewhere along a river 11 times the length of the amazon.

There is another huge influence on the novel, but I think it gives to much away about the last third of the book. This is the most hardcore, brutal novel I have written it gets pretty ugly towards the end.

Q. Who said, “Smokey, you are entering a world of pain?”

A. Jackie Gleason, the honeymooners dude. BTW I saw Smokey and the Bandit 3 in the theater. My family had a Smokey and the Bandit 8-track we listened to on road trips in our wood paneled station wagon. No joke. I am not as old as that makes me sound.

(Interviewer note: Oh, shit, did I just quote Smokey and the Bandit? I was thinking Walter Sobchek from The Big Lewbowski but if it was also spoken in a movie with Burt Reyolds and his gorgeous mustache then you, sir, earned ten bonus points.)

Q. Six horror movies for an all-night movie marathon?

A. in order: Prince of Darkness, Hellraiser, Devil's Backbone, Chinese Ghost story, Susperia, and The Beyond.

Q. Typically, I ask all my interviewees how far they would make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. However the last vegan I interviewed, Jeremy C. Shipp, informed me chocolate held no sway of him and he alerted me to a race of plant based face painted midgets known as the Poompa Ploompas. So instead I ask you if you could get stuck inside any movie from your youth which would it be?

A. Chocolate and sweets have a sway over me, and for a vegan living in Portland is like living in Willie Wonkas. Read Stumptown vegans blog if you don't believe me.

To answer your question it would be Star Wars or Star Trek, I'm not sure I have what it takes to be a Jedi. In terms of Star Trek I would love to serve on the Enterprise. I would of course do everything I could to never beam down in a red shirt, that uniform would be in the laundry every time I pulled an away mission. I would also totally hang with Spock, Vegans should stick together.

I also would love to have been Indiana Jones when I was a kid and for the record I saw Raiders with my dad on opening day, and I think when the flying ghost turned into a skeleton is still one the things that most freaked me out ever. Close your eyes Marion! He knew to do that because he was a professor and book smart. Very cool.

Q. Your story ‘Punkupine Moshers of the Apocalypse’ is included in the new Bizzaro Starter Kit Purple. It just so happens Purple is my new favorite starter kit and due to the incredible quality and diversity of the stories I can’t even pick an absolute favorite. Can you?

A. For those who are not familiar with the starter kits I am in the third anthology of novellas by various Bizarro authors. I am super stoked to be in that collection, and love my novella which I have described as an epic fantasy meets 80's punk rock. As for a favorite, this is not hard, Cody Goodfellow is an old friend and one of my favorite authors. His novella Home wreckers is a great dystopian bizarro take on gender issues and has some excellent moments of looking at the differences between men and women.
Matt Revert, Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce,Garret Cook, Athena Villaverde and lots more. The quality is very high and it works out to be $1 per author to buy. You can't lose if you like weird fiction.

(Interviewer note: All three Bizarro Starter Kits are fantastic reads. If you haven't read them yet check them out here.)

Q. You write in wide range of genres are there any you don’t see yourself exploring?

A. I will never write a musical, well I don't think I will. I think of myself as a horror writer, because that is what my childhood dream was to be. As an adult I feel a bit more kinship to the Bizarro community in many ways because of the DIY aspects, which is natural considering my punk rock and activist background. Like many authors I don't like to be limited by genre. I love horror and Science Fiction, but I also write stuff that to weird even for those genres. I can tell you this I don't see much point is telling a story unless it pushes my imagination. With horror that can be trying to stimulate some strong emotions, With Science Fiction I think it is about pushing the imagination beyond the the normal. Bizarro I think another step even further beyond.

The story has to interest me, and I have to believe I am the one one who can tell it. If those two parameters can be met I'll write. I'll write a horror western some day, I have a plan for an anti-war horror novel, I have kungfu fantasy for kids I'm working on, and several punk rock themed horror novels.

Q. Quick, name drop five Bizarro talents!

A. Eric Mays, D. Harlan Wilson, Gina Ranalli, Cameron Pierce and Bizarro Super fan Zoe Welch. Any serious fan of bizarro needs to know these names. I command thee to Google.

DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. In a brutal alternate reality the Political Machine has resurrected every former president and encased their re-animated zombie corpses in well armed cyborg bodies. The cyborg dead presidents have cloned Ted Nugent and formed an army of redneck archers. Only a handful stand against the legion of oppression…Dee Snider rises from the ashes of a nameless former metropolis, in full Twisted Sister gear, and spots Cyber Ronald Reagan stomping on a school house. He howls the chorus to ‘Street Justice’ and grabs the ex-presidents attention. In 1,000 words (give or take) describe the battle and the carnage!

A.

Dee looked at his feet. The bodies of Jello and Zappa were pinned to the floor by arrows, The Nugent clone army approached marching and humming the riff to cat scratch fever. Dee looked back at the ruins. Disk Jockey, Musicland, and Tower records were just beyond the flames. The Regan-bots continued to beat on the school house, chanting “Conform!”
It looked hopeless. The Nuge clone army would be here soon and replace the Dead kenneys with Foreigner, WASP with Bad Company, Rap music with Foghat. Ice-T was right about Freedom of speech, and it was going down. All that stood between a PMRC apocalypse and wasteland of classic rock was Captain Howdy.
Dee snapped his fingers twice and Burn in hell starts, without the intro. The Regan-bot hears the commotion and turns with a scream. Dee spins threw the crowd of Nugent clones dropping them to the ground before they can raise their bows. The Regan-bot hits the ground running.
They meet on the field of battle, Regan-bot doesn't know what to make of a 6'5 blond haired man in drag and Indian war paint. It is just enough time for him to grab Ronnie by the throat.
“Well Ronnie, Your gonna burn in hell!”

AWESOME! Thank you, Mr. Agranoff for the killer interview and entertaining DEATHMATCH.

You can buy David's books here.

For an very in-depth interview with David clicky here.

David's blog-chock full of reviews, news, and interviews is located here.

Until the next time, have fun and stay scary, friends!

Mr. Moon's Review of Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

2011-03-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

Rico Slade reads like `Falling Down' with a sense of humor rather than a sense of injustice. Except, of course, instead of a reserved and frustrated Michael Douglas we have Rico F'n Slade- the most awesome action star Hollywood has ever ogled. The story starts out snappy as the man behind Rico's badassness, Chip Johnston, has himself a wee-little breakdown. As his mental stability wanes Chip/Rico cuts a swath of comedic chaos across Hollywood tailed by his hard timing psychologist Harold Schwartzman.

Admittedly, the only frame of reference I have for Sands' work is his story Cheesequake Smash-Up from the Blue Bizarro Starter Kit but I personally feel Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You is a fantastic offering from an author maturing in the bizarro genre. This is a weird story filled with weird characters doing weird things. There is the randomness Sands has become known for but I would in no way call it nonsense. No, no, this is well crafted literary insanity. Sands' writing here is quick, intelligent, and possesses a wit sharp enough to castrate Hollywood. Highly recommended to fans of bizarro, comedy, and high octane action freaks that can take jokes (lots and lots of jokes).

Get your throat ripped out here!

A HEINOUS Excerpt

2011-02-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dream: Meat Hooks and the Damned

I open my eyes to fog. It drifts lazily around me, and I recognize this place. I look at myself and am not the least bit surprised when I see my plain shirt and pants, faded gray and streaked with blood. I curl my bare toes into the ashes and powdered bones beneath me. I reach up and trace the ragged edges of the fresh inverted cross carved into my forehead. The wound screams, but the pain makes me focus. I’m standing alone, but I sense other people near, the way a deer senses the hunter as it takes its final sip of water. I spin in a slow circle, and the fog spins with me.

I hear sounds, muffled sounds. I hear clapping that sounds like it is coming from every direction all at once. The fog distorts the sound, but I’ve been here. I hear laughter, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I focus and stare deep into the fog until I see a dark blur. I walk toward the blur, and it takes a more definite form with each step. The edges solidify into a black rectangle. The black becomes brown. The shape widens into a shack. The brown becomes weathered wood the color of old bone. The door to the shack slams as if blown by an unseen wind. I stand before the door, and I hear the laughter and the clapping emanating from within. The building is squat, barely taller than the door, and it only looks to be a few square feet big. Still, it weeps malevolence. The ever-swirling fog dances around it, moved by the force of the noise within.

Instinct forces my hand, and I push open the creaky door. Without taking a step, I’m standing inside the building It is massive on the inside, like a creepy wooden version of Dr. Who’s TARDIS, lit by torches fixed to the walls. It towers over me, bleached wooden planks reaching twenty feet to a simple wooden ceiling where long, braided strands of hair hang down. Hollowed-out bones are braided into the hair, and they clank together, swaying in an unseen breeze. A small wooden ledge lines the wall behind me, and people sit shoulder to shoulder on it, staring past me. I feel like I should recognize the people sitting here, but my mind is blank. I walk slowly in front of them, looking into their milky dead eyes, but none acknowledges me. Each sits up stiff and straight, hands folded. Some hands are missing fingers, some faces missing strips of flesh. Some stare ahead with one eye, a gaping oozing crater where the other eye should be. Others are missing ears or wearing slit-throat necklaces. As I stare at them, they raise their hands in clumsy unison and clap in an off-kilter rhythm. Laughter erupts behind me like grenades in a barrel, and I turn around as the sitting people make screaming faces and howl with joyous laughter.

More people hang, suspended by a complex network of barbed wire and meat hooks, above a large hole in the simple wooden floor. Tears of blood stream down their faces as the wires pull taut and the hooks yank them up, down, in every direction, so that their limbs flail frantically. They cringe in agony, but they all laugh out loud as they jerk and twitch to the tug of the wires. I step forward to the man swinging nearest me and notice his eyes are alive with confusion and pain, though he screams hearty laughter in my face with enough force to speckle my skin with his warm blood. I look him over from head to toe. He has deep cuts in the flesh of his cheeks, deep enough that when he chuckles, I can see flashes of bone under the pulpy ribbons of his face. A hook pokes through his right shoulder, and another through his left thigh. An even thicker one splits his sternum open, and shards of bone stab out alongside the purple metal of the hook.

I wager a glance below his kicking feet and into the hole in the floor. Huge, savage gears made of flesh, purple metal, and pink crustaceous shell grind against each other as blood rains down on them from the twitching people above. The gears rumble, and the people dance and laugh. The people seated along the wall clap and laugh along. I stare back and forth a few times before I notice the figure standing at the far wall, his face cloaked in torchlight shadow. Everyone laughs and claps at the gory spectacle while the man at the end of the aisle works his arms, tugging at the wires that control the ghastly puppet show.

I take a step toward the puppet master, and his arms go limp at his side. In the same instant, the wires go slack, and the puppet people slide off their hooks and into the mutant gears below them. The seated people stand in the same almost-unison as their clapping, which intensifies as the bodies rend and burst in the flesh-metal-shell gears. The standing people all stare straight ahead of them, their yellow and white eyes blind to the sight of bodies grinding to pulpy smears in front of them.

I take another step, and the puppet master breathes smoke that billows out of the shadows cloaking his face and through the space between the planks in the walls. The standing people walk forward until they are at the edge of the floor, dangerously close to the churning gears. One by one, they turn around so their heels hang just over the end of the ancient wood. The figure raises his arms, and the strands of barbed wire growing from his skin shimmer in torchlight as the hooks swing down and impale the people. The people scream once as their eyes uncloud, but when the wires snap backwards, violently tugging their bodies, their screams turn to laughter. They swing back together to dangle above the gears. The puppet master exhales more smoke.

I contemplate the empty seats just as a hand, bloody and deformed, reaches out of the gears near the door. An arm follows it, and a man pulls his crushed, pulpy body from the horrible gears. Behind him, a woman follows suit, pulling her shattered body from the gears. The man stands on impossibly crushed legs and stares through me with milky dead eyes. As the woman behind him stands, the dead man takes a step closer to me. Another corpse pulls itself from the gears, forcing the dead man and woman another step closer. The puppets flail and laugh as the wires jerk up and down and back and forth in a metallic flurry. I am staring at them when the first dead man to crawl from the mutant gears slams into me as he takes a step forward to allow room for the ever-growing number of people resurrecting themselves from the flesh-metal-shell. I stumble back and notice that the dead man’s face has healed—not completely, but his wounds have shrunk and closed slightly. His legs still boast compound fractures, but they are no longer crumpled to the point of being unrecognizable as limbs. He steps into me again, and I back up a few steps.

I turn around and find myself staring at the shadow that cloaks the puppet master’s face. His arms work back and forth, flexing and relaxing, up and down, while dozens of strands of barbed wire reach up behind the human puppets. His body is slender but muscular, and crisscrossed with purple welts and bright crimson scars. From the mask of shadows, he blows smoke into my face. My eyes water, and red and blue spots dance behind my eyelids when I blink the burn away. When I open my eyes, I see the smoke he exhaled drift through the cracks in the wall like dust in sunshine. The dead man bumps me again, and I step toward the puppets to give him room to get past. Instead of pushing farther, he and the rest of the people who’d climbed out of the gears all sit down on the wooden ledge. They stare straight ahead with their dead eyes. The puppet master works his arms and wires back and forth, up and down, forcing the human puppets to yank and jerk against the purple hooks.

The human puppets flail and laugh, and the seated people applaud politely. The longer they clap, the brighter the torches above glow. The brighter they glow, the more the shadow concealing the puppet master’s face fades. He works his arms more and more furiously until the puppets are spinning in circles, flinging fans of blood at the blind audience. I stand in front of his madly waving arms, avoiding the slicing wires as they cut the stale, blood-tinged air. He moves so fast I see tracers from the whipping wires. The dead clap, and the human puppets laugh. The torches burn daylight-bright, and the shadow hiding the puppet master fully dissipates.

I’m staring at myself. I see the thick strands of wire growing from my arms. I see where the muscles turn to wire under the stretched skin of my forearms. I can see the three tentacles connecting from the puppet master’s head to the walls of the shack behind him. They are a mix of flesh and shell, like the gears below, but I see no metal as they pulse and tug at the base of the puppet master’s neck. The tentacles sway, and the puppet master’s arms mimic the motion, forcing the human puppets to scream with laughter as the hooks pull them in different directions. My eyes are open wide when the puppet master me exhales dark orange smoke into my face.

I blink the burn away again.

I open my eyes and see the cords of wire stretching from under the skin in my arms. I feel each wire where it melds to my muscles and bones. I feel the weight of the tentacles extending from the base of my skull. I feel each throb and swing. I see time and space and beyond. I want to destroy it all. I hear drums in my head, and my arms wave to the off-kilter beat. The wires tug and tighten, forcing the human puppets to dance and sway. I look to the puppets, and each one is me. I feel the smile as I force myself to twist and jerk at the demand of purple steel. The seated people clap, and my eyes dart back and forth. Everyone sitting is me as well. Each me stares with dead white eyes at another me, twisting and twirling to the insane demands of monster me.

I see myself from everywhere. Hooked and dancing. Blind and clapping. Swinging my wires and arms.

I blow smoke and watch it drift between the planks and fade away.
My throat aches from laughing. My eyes hurt from massive, diamond-hard cataracts. My arms burn from commanding the macabre puppet show and from the wires attached to them. Each sitting me stands and claps. Again, I see time and space and beyond. I let my arms fall limp at my sides. The wires whip, and everything bleeds. I slide off my hooks and fall into gears made of flesh, metal, and shell.

COMING IN 2011 from Library of Horror Press....HEINOUS!

Mr. Moon's Review of Autobiography of a Werewolf Hunter

2011-01-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

The werewolf. Simply put a monster of legend that has been, for the most part, ignored in modern horror. Vampires are all the rage in current pop culture leaving a void where the lycanthrope should be right along side them. Brain P. Easton remedies the lack of werewolves in new dark fiction with a vengeance in his amazing new novel ‘Autobiography of a Werewolf’.
The story starts with the main character, Sylvester Logan James, describing his childhood with his woodsman French-Canadian father. We learn Sylvester lost his mother during his birth and during a winter trip to see an old family friend, Michael Winterfox, loses his dad to a werewolf attack. Winterfox trains our young hero in the ways of the Reydosnin Warriors; an ancient and all but extinct line of ultra bad ass Native American warriors. Winterfox reveals he has hunted werewolves, or the Beast as he calls them, and young Sylvester’s rage commands him to do the same. So begins a lifetime of revenge and heart ache for our hero.
Winterfox trains Sylvester from the age thirteen to the age eighteen. The old man passes on knowledge of battle, the forest, the spirit world, and most importantly the Beast. Once of age young Sylvester strikes out for Vietnam as an outlet for his fathomless rage. Once the action starts here it never wanes. The story develops surprisingly solid amidst great action scene after great action scene.
I must take a minute here to tell you the action sequences in ‘Autobiography of a Werewolf Hunter’ are Grade A Hollywood film quality. Each is fast paced, well described and would leave Chuck Norris with aches and pains. Even though Sylvester hunts the Beast his entire life not every battle is with his clawed fanged and furry arch nemeses. Oh, no, in fact a fight scene from Sylvester’s time in prison (a long story you’ll have to read for yourself to believe) is one of the best written and paced through out the book. When our hero does engage the Beast the violence is brutal, vivid, and satisfying.
For those monster fiends like me, you will love this book. During his training, Sylvester learns of the several known kinds of werewolves. There is Noble Wolven were full blooded direct descendants of the original six beast princes. These wolves could change at will and were nearly the most powerful of their kind. A second breed is known as High Wolven. Most of these were powerful and respected but not full blooded. Then there is the baddest of the bunch, the Darkest Wolven. These monsters were raging unstoppable behemoths that never took human form. As Sylvester learns there are many different kinds that even Michael Winterfox didn’t know about. He travels from Canada to Vietnam to the United States and back. Before he can get used to Canada he is off to Russia. Kicking werewolf ass along the way. Sylvester finds clues to finding beasts through a highly honed instinct and his superior tracking skills. He picks up on a trail, always in original and interesting ways, and follows it to the beasts waiting at the other end. Once he finds the wolf he exterminates with extreme prejudice, always in original and interesting ways as well.
I can’t get over how great the action here is but in order to be thorough I also have to tell you how deep and engrossing the seamless story is and how naturally it flows. Mr. Easton peppers his brutal battle scenes with an ever-developing plot that grabs you with the strength of the beast’s claw. There are a range of emotions here that is uncommon for such an action packed book. The details in Sylvester’s travels lead me to believe either Mr. Easton researches the way Sylvester tracks or he really has been slaying werewolves for the past forty-some-odd years.
I not only recommend Autobiography of a Werewolf Hunter, I say if you are a werewolf fan you can’t live without it. This novel should be required reading on the subject of Lycans from now until the end of the world.

Find it here

Mr. Moon's Review of Fungus of the Heart

2011-01-02T16:26:00.000-08:00

Jeremy C. Shipp’s new collection of bizarro short stories Fungus of the Heart contains elements of horror, crime noir, and quite often dark fantasy. Mr. Shipp has a very distinguishable style even amongst the growing number of authors writing bizarro fiction. He manages to be descriptive and concise at the same time all while spinning quick moving and engrossing stories. Fungus of the Heart is not near as dark or horror heavy as Shipp’s previous collection, Sheep and Wolves, relying more on emotional wallop than out and out scares. The thirteen fantastic stories in Fungus of the Heart all share the common theme of relationships. Shipp takes looks at desire and love in always entertaining and unique ways. Each story is unusual and each packs a different feel but the collection as a whole has a personal feel that pulls you in even deeper.

The stories are as follows.

‘The Sun Never Rises in the Big City’ opens the collection with a pulpy noir story complete with a hard edged detective. The main character is working on the death of a ‘rag’ and the story gets weird as it twists towards a crescendo.

The simple title of The Haunted House betrays the complexity of the actual story about a ghost that helps the living deal with traumatic events. Ash is a ghost that possesses the body of his ‘clients’ and on this particular case everyone involved grows in unexpected ways.

Fungus of the Heart is the story of a man struggling to gain the power to free his kidnapped love from the mysterious ‘fortress’. Our hero is a Sentential (body guard) for Protectors (or powerful beings that watch over and keep villages safe). The catch, in order to gain the power he needs he must eat the heart mushroom of a number of noble Protectors.

The Boy in the Cabinet has only a paper cup and Death Cat for friends but he still has a twisted journey of self discovery waiting for him.

One of my personal favorites, Just Another Vampire Story, is anything but common blood sucker lore rehashed and covered with glitter. The story grabs a hold of your heart right away and drags you to a distant cave inhabited by vampires every bit as unique as you would expect from Jeremy C. Shipp. Strong horror with a heart.

Ticketyboo is a place Jeff and Jill go to recover from the trauma caused by a mysterious accident with their parents. This story is a dark genre blurring visit to a surreal world of healing.

The Escapist is the dark fantasy tale of a gnome who escapes from the enemy goblins’ Farm and befriends a gnome general who will stop at nothing to destroy the goblins.

Ula Morales is the story of an antlered daughter of a magic tree who lives in a surreal forest.

Spider House is a quick weird story that deals with war and the trauma it predicates.

Monkey Boy and The Monsters is the fun story of Monkey Boy the monster slayer and it follows him as he battles his foul enemies and learns about family life.

Kevin Donihe, Agape Walrus is the wacky story of an all loving walrus that lives with a zombie polar bear in the hills of east Tennessee. Classic bizarro.

In Kingdom Come a man searches for his missing boy in a world that is haunting, dark, and futuristic.

How to Make A Clown closes this great bizarro collection with the story of a man with a clown in his attic.

I enjoyed some stories more than others but I’m a gore loving horror hound that doesn’t always go for the emotional rollercoaster that a collection like Fungus of the Heart offers. Though not as terrifying as I typically prefer, Mr. Shipp has put together a highly accessible work of bizarro that could gain him fans from all corners of the reading world. I enjoyed this collection and will seek out more of Shipp’s work. His ability to go from whimsical to heart wrenching in only a few short words makes him a talent to watch in my eyes.

You can find Fungus of the Heart on kindle and paper back here.

Bone Home by Jonathan Moon

2010-12-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

The air is hot and dry. And still. Yet watch how the curtains sway in that room above the breakfast nook. I’ll tell you what makes those ragged drapes dance: spirits, dark and tortured.

Hold my hand, my dear, as we walk the grim halls and rotted rooms of Bone Home.

No, my love, the house is built of wood and nails, wire and glass as houses often are. The name comes from the man who built this magnificent dwelling. In 1904, Edward Bone carved a clearing in these beautiful pines and built his family a home. Old Edward Bone was a distant cousin to my grandma. By a strange stroke of luck and diminished family bloodline I now hold the deed. A logger by trade, he knew the wood and used only the best. Edward Bone took nearly every piece of handcrafted furniture and stacked it in some hideous monolith the town’s folks burned. Before we enter, see there where the grass is blackened even after a century worth of snow and sun. Now into the house itself we venture. This door was handcrafted by artisans long dead and never recognized. It whines and creaks when we open it, but it has done its duty and kept the elements out. We can leave it open if you like, but I think it will be futile; they like the door closed. Why allow a breeze if you can’t feel it on your face?

To your left, my dear, are the dining room and kitchen. If you look at the dismal gray paper where it still clings to the walls, you can make out the faintest tint of the dark autumn yellow of sunflowers. How cheerful it must have been. Broken dishes and a feeling of nervousness that hangs in the air and clings to your skin are all that remain in the kitchen. The morning sun shines through this big window, and the family would sit at this table to eat breakfast and greet each new day together. No, my dear, blood dries brown. I don’t know what has left the smeared black stain across the table top. Although, I can show you century-old blood if we go back to the foyer.

See, my love, they closed the door when we went to the dining room. Before we go upstairs, see that dark blotch. A bloodstain. A deep, old bloodstain. Edward Bone took a bailing hook to his oldest daughter, Catherine, and gutted her right where you are standing. She bled out here. She lay in a puddle of her wet innards until her blood soaked into the floorboards and caked to her pale face. Catherine hates this foyer now. She lives in the cellar where her young blood dripped. I can show her to you if you want. She sits and rocks in the corner trying to keep herself together.

Okay, my dear, there’s more to see, so we’ll just keep moving. The stairs creak and moan like the dead, but they’ll grant us safe passage to the rooms up here. Notice how the pictures still hang on this decrepit wall. Look closer and see how the images are blurred and burned behind the flawless glass. I’ve stared into the distorted eyes of the images and I feel them screaming in my head, so, please, limit your glances.

Yes, my love, more blood awaits atop the stairs. Such wonderful tools those loggers used. Edward Bone caved in his son Simon’s skull with the five-pound hammer that he used to knock stubborn branches from downed logs and then stripped him naked like a cedar here in the hallway. Shush, my dear, there is Simon now. He is watching us with his eye. Don’t stare at the pulp that is his skull now for he may take offence. See how his naked form shimmers in the shadows as he sulks into his mother’s sitting room.

This, my love, is Edward Bone’s wife, Delores Bone. I find her here most often; rocking in her chair as you see her now. Sometimes Pamela, the middle daughter, crowds close, but she is shy around new people. She carries her head in her hands, and her long beautiful hair is eternally tangled with her blood. Delores can’t see you because, as you can see, he has sewn her eyes shut, but she can hear you. She sings young Simon haunting lullabies to calm his terrified spirit. Her voice is distant and sorrowful; see how it raises the gooseflesh on my arm.

That deep chill and pungent stench, my dear, is Edward drawing close. Watch how Mother Bone and son fade as the murderous patriarch approaches. We will meet him halfway when we turn the tarnished knob to the door to our right.

I must warn, my love, if old dead Edward Bone speaks we must cover our ears and leave. I’ll open the door now. It creaks loudest of all, and the house vibrates softly as his evil condenses to form a physical being. His restless murderous spirit rolls and swirls and that, my dear, is what makes the curtains wave. See how they whip now as his apparition appears. Today he is holding the gore-stained hammer and smiling like the damned. He died of starvation here in this room. He slaughtered his family and never again left this house.

Don’t look at his dark eyes as they roll in their sockets!
Ia. Tahgen noob fhtagn. Ia Ia.

No! My love, cover your ears and back away!
Ia! Tahgen noob fhtagn! IA! IA! IA!

My DEAR, My LOVE!
IA! TAHGEN NOOB FHTAGN! IA! IA! IA! IA!

I can’t save you, my love, and the hammer is all too real now. Your blood drips down my face, and my apology is stuck in my throat. I told you not to listen.

I have to leave now, my dear, but I always return. You’ll meet the young daughters Bone now and share in their phantom state; mutilated beauty surround by molding decay. I’ll bring you more friends until this house feels alive again.

Maybe, my love, I’ll move in so we can always be together in the grim hallways and rotted rooms of Bone Home.

Mr. Moon's Review of Eleven Twenty Three

2010-12-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

I read a wide variety of independent fiction. I’m addicted to it. I have stacks and stacks of independent horror, zombie, and bizarro books that could really cause physical harm if they tip over. These books entertain me, they entrance me, they inspire me, and they are my escape. There is one thing that none of them have done yet though. As someone who reads dark and writes even darker, I don’t scare easy. All that being shared, I can say honestly Jason S. Hornsby’s new novel Eleven Twenty Three terrified me. Perhaps I was a little paranoid to start with and can only blame Jason Hornsby with pushing me over the edge with the thick moody slab of horror known as Eleven Twenty Three. Either way there is no denying the feeling of paranoid terror that seeps from this well crafted novel.

Eleven Twenty Three opens with the main character, Layne Prescott, and his girlfriend, Tara, sitting at an airport bar in Shanghai. They are waiting for their flight back to Lilly’s End, Florida and the funeral of Layne’s father when Layne makes eye contact with a man across the bar from them. The man is sweating and nervous looking with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. Within the first few pages Mr. Hornsby builds a mood of paranoia and foreboding that just gets thicker and thicker. Through a turn of odd events Layne ends up with the briefcase; finding it just as they reach Lilly’s End.

Mr. Hornsby takes his time and builds his characters through-out the first few chapters but the story and mood doesn’t sway and the feeling of dread is almost palatable as more characters are introduced. We met Hadjime, Layne’s equally cynical and paranoid best friend, and his sister, Mitsuko. The plot layers into the characters life and they are all dealing with very human issues that make the building terror even that much more real. Layne for instance is not only dealing with the death of his father but also a complicated relationship with Mitsuko. Amidst all the drama the terror emerges in brutal fashion.

Layne picks up his mother for the funeral of his estranged dad and at the grave side chaos erupts. As the clocks strike 11:23 half of the population of Lilly’s End go completely unexplainably and, worst of all, viciously insane. The people that don’t turn insane are attacked by their friends and loved ones; finding themselves having to kill or be killed. The funeral party turns on each other with incredibly gruesome results. The violence is sudden, vivid and highly emotional as the family tears into each other like rabid animals. During the funeral party battle royal gunshots and sirens are heard from all directions adding to the panic and chaotic scene. After a few minutes the people that went insane (the ones that didn’t kill themselves during their fits of violence and bloodshed) turn back shocked and confused by the gore of death all around them. Once the sudden destruction ends the town finds themselves blocked off at all exits by soldiers that shoot to kill.

Layne and friends are left to work the mystery of the briefcase, the ominous chemtrails in the sky above them, and the violent fits the town’s people experience at every 11:23. Conspiracies and paranoia run rampant as the cast of characters grows ever smaller every twelve hours working towards a conspirators dream ending.

I enjoyed Eleven Twenty Three immensely and count it on my top ten of the year. This novel is creepy and dark with enough smart dialogue to keep your brain working as the violence engulfs you. Highly recommended to fans of dark fiction overall. If you enjoy real paranoia and great violent terror you’ll love Eleven Twenty Three, even if you never leave the safety of your house again.

You can buy 1123 here!

Mr.Moon and the Day of Darkness

2010-12-13T12:50:00.000-08:00

Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day came and washed us all in it's darkness! I got loads of excellent support from lots of great people. I feel i achieved my goal of spreading the word about my Nightmares and I couldn't have done it with out my friends and fans. THANK YOU ALL!

I gave away several things during the day and here is the list of the winners, Jason Baker(MA), Joe Bouthiette, and Zoe Welsh all won PDF copies of The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole (to be send out within the week.)Martin Jolicoeur won the copy of The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole signed both both Tim Long and I. I'll be sending PDF copies of Houdini Gut Punch to Robert Essig and Jason Baker(NV).Brandy Woods Kurtz hedged her bets and ordered both Mr.Moon's Nightmares and Houdini Gut Punch and it paid off for her as she won the prize pack of wicked books!

I had a lot of fun during the day (and the weeks leading up to it) and did a few really fun interviews. I was given a dose of my own DEATHMATCH medicine, not once but twice!

Check out the Pirate Lego Vs. Poseidon DEATHMATCH I wrote for Ken Cain.
I also did a killer Muppets Vs. Zombies DEATHMATCH for Headshot Heather.

Mr.Moon's Nightmares got a few more great reviews as well! Swing by and read them before you buy yourself a copy!

Mr. MoOn and The Day Before the Darkness

2010-12-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day!

As promised I compiled a list of the books I'm giving away. Remember I'll enter you once in the drawing for every copy of Mr.Moon's Nightmares you buy and if you buy Mr.Moon's Nightmares and Houdini Gut Punch I'll enter you three times!

1. The Zombist- Library of the Living Dead- I'll sign my story 'Notches on a Tomahawk'

This massive tome contains 28 wild west zombie stories from some damn talented writers! My story Notches on a Tomahawk is a fan favorite of mine and it is along side some of the wildest damn western action ever. Six-guns! Guts! Undead natives! A GREAT ZOMBIE BOOK for the western/zombie fan in you!

2. Unbound and Other Tales- By David Dunwoody- Signed by THE Dunwoody

David Dunwoody is the author of one of my all time favorite zombie novels, Empire, and with Unbound he creates one of my all-time favorite literary characters with Emil Sharpe. The sorties here are dark and disturbing written in THE Dunwoody's addictive style. I've dubbed this book 'Darker than Lovecraft's coffin' and I stand by it.

3. Season of Death- by Eric S. Brown

ESB's Season of Death should be required reading for zombie fans. It contains five of the most wicked twisting zombie tales I've ever read. Season of Death is ESB's HARDCOVER follow up to Season of Death. It includes four novellas, two of which are sequals to stories in Season of Rot. The other two stories are 'Kinberra Down' ESB's sci0fi horror he wrote with Jessy Marie Roberts and 'How the West Went to Hell' ESB's wild west demon story. This is a beautiful book filled with awesome ESB action!

4. DOOM MAGNETIC!- by Willaim Pauley III-signed by WIlliam Pauley III

William Pauley III's bizarro novella is a madly entertaining story that blurs genre lines and will keep you digging it from beginning to end! A non-stop adventure with wild and crazy characters, strangely beautiful violence, and a galaxy wide chase over a stolen purple television!

5. The Zombie Wilson Diaries- by Timothy W. Long- signed by Timothy W. Long

Mr. Long's comical take on zombies stirs it up more than a bit. A man's vacation ends with a plane crash in paradise. He finds him self stranded on a desert with a hot dead chick! Come for the zombies, stay for the coconut bra!

6. Rotten Little Animals-by Kevin Shamel-signed by Kevin Shamel

Rotten Little Animals is the first book I read from Eraserhead Press's New Bizarro Author Series and it will not be the last. Mr.Shamel blows the lid of the secret world of animals! This story flows so easy and fun you'll most likely read it twice in a row. Plus, it's so damn good you'll want to read more NBAS books (trust me I know).

7. King Scratch-by Jordan Krall-signed by author Jordan Krall and artist William Pauley III

Jordan Krall is one of my favorite authors and I can honestly say I've always been entertained when reading his work. His novel Fistful of Feet is easily one of my fav bizarro works ever. King Scratch is a violent, sexy, pulpy noir masterpiece!

8. Eleven Twenty Three-by Jason S. Hornsby

Mr.Hornsby scares the hell out of my paranoid mind with 1123! A conspirators wet dream novel; featuring jaded youth, graphic disturbing violence, a truly fucked up governmental conspiracy, and awesome dialogue! This book is what TERROR means to me.

9. Apeshit-by Carton Mellick III

With Apeshit Mellick doesn't just turn the tired old slasher genre on its side, he blows a fist size crater in the side of its head and then violates the wound. One of the most fucked up books I've ever read but at the same time it is a funny violent tribute to one of my favorite genres growing up. A fantastic novel that will make your stomach do flips and dips. There is one down side to reading a KILLER novel like Apeshit, every other slasher story you ever encounter will seem like weak watered down diet beer next to this full bottle of Johnnie Walker Red bizarro horror novel!

So there you have it friends! Buy Mr.Moon's Nightmares tomorrow for your chance to win this wicked rad prize pack!

Mr. Moon Interviews Eric S. Brown

2010-12-07T09:09:00.001-08:00

As I fan of zombie fiction I stumbled across Eris S. Brown's Season of Rot and knew right away I had found a new favorite. Since that time I've been lucky enough to read A LOT more of ESB's always fantastic writing, be published along side him (in The Zombist), write an intro for him, and call him my friend. He is easily one of the most prolific young writers in the independent scene. I'm very proud to bring you a few words with Eric S. Brown.

Q. I think the best way to start these out is for you to explain your influences and inspirations to us. Start with what first made you want to write and work your way forward from there.

A.

I guess the first thing that influenced me was comic books. I have read and collected them since I was four years old. On career day in the second grade, I wore a Green Lantern shirt and simply told my teacher I would be joining the corps when I grew up. She did not find that amusing. I read a lot of Stephen King, Clive Barker, Robert McCammon, etc. like any horror fan growing up in the 80s but it was folks like David Drake who made me want to write. I idolized Drake and still do to a degree. He is and was the master of military SF. I have a signed book that he sent me that is one of my most prized possessions. In high school, I got into a Lovecraft a lot. During this whole time, I was writing own stuff. Not originally material so much as fan fiction. I went so far as to write an entire “Alien Legion” novel as a kid for the super comic geeks who remember that series. Anyway, Drake was and is my hero. Without him, I never would have picked up a pen but Lovecraft is a big part of me too.

Q. I know you have had a BUNCH of stories published but do you still remember your first published piece?

A. Yep, who forgets their first? It was a zombie like virus tale called “Night Shopping” which ran in Burning Sky Magazine issue nine back in the day. It's been reprinted too many time to count.

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. I am hard at work on Bigfoot War II and III. Book III is going to literally leave folks going “what the heck?” and amazed at the same time if I pull it off. It will be my masterpiece of horror written by a fan for other fans. I am also doing an interview series for Naked Snake Press's blog where I am interviewing tons of zombie authors. In addition to that, I am doing tales for a few more anthologies that have invited me to be in them and thinking about what I plan for the future after the Bigfoot War trilogy conludes.

Q. Okay, I’ve read ESB stories with fast zombies and slow zombies (and smart zombies, animal zombies, pregnant zombies, plant zombies, and six dozen other kinds of zombies) which do you prefer to write? Which do you prefer to read?

A. I enjoy writing fast, “28 Days Later” style zombies the most but I do like to shake things up from time to time. As to reading, I love them all. I have been a diehard Z fan since I first watched Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead as a child and always will be.

Q. I’m very excited about Anti-Heroes by you and THE Dunwoody! Can you tell me about it?

A. Anti-Heroes is a joint book featuring dark, superhero novellas from the two of us. The book was Dave's idea. He called me one night knowing one of my goals was to really get into writing superhero stuff and asked me to do the book with him. The Enslaver of Worlds, a very Lovecraftian monster like being, was something he'd dreamed up as child and he knew I had The Human Experiment featuring MY superhero Agent Death coming out from Sonar 4 Publications so we decided do a book that featured both of them. My novella “The Zombie Farm” is Agent Death's second adventure. You don't have to read The Human Experiment to enjoy it but it will be much better if you do.

(Interviewer Note: ESB and THE Dunwoody?!?! THIS IS ROCK!)

Q. You’ve really branched out this year with How the West Went to Hell (a horror western), Kinberra Down (Sci-Fi), Anti-Heroes/ The Human Experiment (Super Hero), and Bigfoot War ( Cryptozoological Apocalyptic Horror). In the middle of all the middle of all that you wrote sequels to three of the five stories in Season of Rot, all chock full of zombie goodness. With all those different genres which was the most difficult? Which was the most fun?

A. SF hands down. I love SF but unless I flat out blend it with horror, I don't do it well. Kinberra Down was my homage to tales like Alien and Screamers but it wasn't an easy book for me to write. Jessy Roberts kind of teamed up with me a bit on it adding about a tenth of the book and expanding some of the character stuff. She was great to work with. I am fan of SF, comics, horror in general, and zombies. I love it all and the whole reason I write is that I am a fan. It just makes sense that I would try my hand at all of it. The Weaponer, a post apocalyptic, zombie, western is likely the closest thing I have done to blending all my loves into a single book. It should be out from Coscom Entertainment soon.

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory?

A. LOL. I have no idea. Likely not too far if there was beer and cigarettes involved.

(Interviewer Note: I happen to know that the Oompa Lompas smoke, drink, and curse like Tim Long but only during their lunch hour.)

Q. If you absolutely had to pick a favorite comic book character, which would it be?

A. The Flash. I grew up with Barry but love Wally dearly. Wally is a family guy like me and that makes him even cooler in my eyes. Plus, I try to write like The Flash. Though for the record, my favorite teams are The Fantastic Four and The Legion of Superheroes. I have huge collections of both and am a total Legion geek. As to my favorite bad guy, that would be Dr. Doom.

Q, If You-from-Five-Years-Ago saw you today what would he say? And what would you tell him?

A. He would say “Wow!” and I would say “Don't give up. Keep at it man.”

Q. Who said, “Calm down, you’re acting very un-Dude.”?

A.I have no idea on that one mate. Couldn't we just talk comics?

(Interviewer Note: Walter from The Big Lebowski. He is a human quote machine!)

Q, Which holiday has better candy, Halloween or Christmas?

A. Halloween.

Q. You have scared the hell outta me before, so I got to ask what scares you?

A. Snakes and Bigfoot. They creep me out man.

(Interviewer Note: ESB’s Bigfoot Monsters are scary as HELL.)

Q. It took me about a week longer to get these questions back to you. Did you write a new book in that time?

A. I just recently wrote Martin Kier and the Dead in a week. It's soon to be released from Naked Snake Press. That's the closest I have come lately. The books in the Bigfoot War series are taking some time because I want them to be my best ever so it will be quite a while until I wrap them up.

(Interviewer Note: Bonus action…I wrote the intro to Martin Kier and the Dead.)

Q. Quick, name drop five great independent horror talents!

A. Excluding you (since it’s your blog), David Dunwoody, Stephen North, Nick Cato, the late Z. A. Recht, and Peter Clines.

DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. Since you are a fan of comic books and I’m a fan of your books I wanna try something different. Let’s pretend there is an alternate reality of your town of Babble Creek from your story Bigfoot War. Now in this other Babble Creek the story starts the same…Jeff loses his dad and brother and is infused with a vicious thirst for revenge. He comes back to town and gets his revenge. He is standing in the clearing when the tribe of angry giant beasts emerges from the nearby trees. Now, the big difference in this other reality is Jeff has super telekinesis he acquired from government experiments from his time in the military. So please describe for me, in 1,500 words or so, what would happen if a tribe of raging Sasquatches attacked a super with a wicked hate for Bigfoot!

A.

Jeff stepped out onto the porch and took a deep breath of fresh country air. It was hard to believe it was all over. Somehow it didn’t feel real. It felt as if there was something left to do. Jeff hopped over the porch railing to the grass and walked around the house, taking one last look at this place of nightmares before he headed to his car.
A roar erupted from the trees beyond the gravel drive. It was not the voice of the creature which had so long haunted him. It sounded different, as if it was a cry of grief not rage. He broke into a run. Jeff knew the voice belonged to another of the creatures and it was going to come after him like he had its kin. He took off in a run for his car. As he reached it, several more howling voices roared in the woods, a chorus of sadness becoming rage.
Jeff looked at the rifle lying in the passenger seat but decided this was a fight he could handle himself. It was only fitting. The government had made him a freak. He stood his ground and readied himself for what was to come. He could no longer keep count of the number of voices in the air. His heart thundered in his chest and sweat poured from his skin. If he was going to die today, he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. An eight-foot-tall creature lumbered from the trees. He could see it was female. Large sagging breasts hung from underneath the fur of its chest. Jeff concentrated and it's head exploded from the pressure of a telekinetic vise that crushed it into spray of bone shards and red mist. The headless monster flopped to the ground then lay still. No sooner had the body hit the dirt, than did the others come. They were of all sizes and shapes, male and female. The smallest looked to weigh a little over a thousand pounds and was a tiny in comparison to most of the others. A large male led the charge at him. The beast like creature stood nearly a dozen feet tall and the ground shook with each of its steps. Hulking muscles rippled underneath the thick layer of hair that covered its arms and legs. As one they bounded towards him. Jeff jabbed a hand forward and an invisible blade of mental force slammed into the throat the large male. With a pained attempt at a scream, it stumbled as blood washed over and streamed down the front of its body. It met his eyes and Jeff smiled as he saw the fear there before it took its last breath, falling before him. Jeff waved his arm sending a solid wall of power into the creatures' forward ranks. They were tossed backwards, many with broken ribs, fractured legs, and bloodied faces. It was time to make the conflict more personal. Transparent blades forged of his willpower formed in his hands as he ran forward to where the monsters were regrouping and still more poured from the trees. With a mental push, he flung himself through the air at the closest two, slicing one's forehead open that sprayed brain matter onto his hand and arm. He landed in front of the second, striking upwards at its chest. His blade pierced the thing's heart as its eyes grew wide and its breath caught in its throat. Jeff jerked the blade free and spun to face the mob gathering around him. At once, he saw there were too many. They had closed in so fast, the area was too confined from him to continue the fight with his blades. As they leapt onto him, he raised a shield of crackling energy over himself. Their fists and feet hammered into it pushing him to his knees. Blood leaked from his eyes, ears, and nose as he struggled to keep the shield up. With his last ounce of willpower he turned the shield into a wave of outward flying razor like shards. The four closest beasts were mangled and cut to bits. Several behind them suffered deep gashes and grazing wounds but none of them backed off. Jeff collapsed, his eyes falling shut, as hair covered hands grabbed his body and tore it to shreds in a fury of fear and anger.

KILLER DEATHMATCH! Ladies and gentlemen, Eric S. Brown!

Eric hangs out all in horror and zombie forums all over the web. You can also find him on facebook.
You can find his massive collection of dark fiction here...
ESB Books

Mr. Moon's review of Rotten Little Animals

2010-12-05T20:47:00.000-08:00

Mr.Moon's Nightmares All Day Day is only five days away! I was lucky enough to receive a signed copy of Kevin Shamel's Rotten Little Animals to add to the prize pack. In honor of that I wanted to share a review I wrote for Rotten Little Animals awhile back. I also want to take a second and tell everyone that Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day is only the beast it is becoming because of Mr.Shamel. His generosity and kindness are second only to his ability to write damned entertaining fiction. I'm honored to be able to add a signed copy of Rotten Little Animals to my prize pack!

Mr. Shamel takes us deep into the secret world of the furred and feathered with his debut novel Rotten Little Animals. As is so happens animals really can talk...and so much more.

The story starts with an animal film crew shooting a zombie movie in a human family's back yard. Stinkin' Rat is the director and the brain behind it all. A human boy named Cage accidentally spies the animals filming and (in order to protect the secrets of animals everywhere) the animals kidnap him. It is quickly decided the crew will film the kidnapping and enter the resulting movie into the Animaux Film Festival (held every year in France, of course). Chaos ensues and I don't mean a little bit of chaos. We are talking zombie fights, torture-porn, award show massacres, and more angry little critters than you can shake a stick at. I don't want to ruin any thing for you (the story evolves quickly with a ease that veteran writers have trouble mastering) so I'll just say the action and laughs don't end til the last page.

The story is very fast paced and well told, the twists you encounter pull you in deeper into the secret world of the animals. Shamel gives his characters (be they animals or the odd, okay, very odd, human) personality and life. As the story unfolds you pick up on Shamel's tongue-in-cheek commentary of the state of the world. I felt he clowns it all well. Greed, perversion, and the movie business are all comic fodder in this little gore streaked, chuckle filled story.

All in all a great first novel that balances laughs and action perfectly. Highly recommended for fans of action, comedy, animals, scat (hey, animals poop, okay?), and good smart fiction.

get it here

Mr. Moon and the Interviews Three

2010-12-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

In honor of the very near Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day I have had a flurry of interviews! Take some time and give them all a good reading. Thank you!

Crystal Conner hunts me down and grills me about Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day,The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole, and working with a wild man like Tim Long here....

I'm the Featured Author over at Juniper Grove this week! Swing through and check out my interview with the awesome Jadis here...

And then Ken Cain gives Mr.Moon's Nightmares a good reviewin' and me a taste of my own DEATHMATCH medicine here...

I hope you can all take a minute to check these all out! And I want to say thank you to all three for interviewing me! I also have one more coming up from none other than Headshot Heather! Stay tuned.

Mr. MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day is only 5 days away!

Prize pack so far-
1. The Zombist-Library of the Living Dead
2. Unbound and Other Tales-written and signed by David Dunwoody
3. Season of Death- by ESB
4. Rotten Little Animals-written and signed by Kevin Shamel
5. DOOM MAGNETIC!- written and signed by William Pauley III
6. 1123- By Jason S. Hornsby
7. King Scratch- written and signed by Jordan Krall, also signed by artist William Pauley the III

so far 7 books, two with William Pauley's signature!!!

Mr MoOn's Review of David Dunwoody's Unbound and Other Tales

2010-11-28T20:54:00.001-08:00

As Mr.MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day (12-10-10)draws closer I want to give you little reviews about the books I've chosen for my give away; in the case I haven't read the book I will review another book by that talented author. Since he was first up with my interviews it is only fitting I share a review I wrote awhile back for David Dunwoody's Unbound and Other Tales.

David Dunwoody is the talented author of one of my favorite zombie novels, Empire. I can honestly say Unbound and Other Tales takes all the things I loved from Empire and spreads them out over a novel and a handful of short stories. Mr. Dunwoody builds grim worlds with very human (and very inhuman) characters to inhabit them. He then weaves tales that wrap and twist around you; pulling you into them. Mr. Dunwoody honors Lovecraft, in substance not style, in nearly every story here and the results are unique and terrifying. The title story, Unbound, is novel length while the eight stories that make up Other Tales are each quick bursts of madness that are over before you are ready for it.
In Unbound a wicked villain, Sharpe, from a popular series of pulp novels comes to life and wreaks hell on all in his path. The characters are all very solid but Sharpe steals the show as a supernatural badass you won't soon forget. Sharpe reminded me of the Judge from Cormack Mc McCarthy's Blood Meridian joined with every cowboy tough guy and movie serial killer I grew up with. Three desperate men, each having had Sharpe sadistically cut into their lives, make the unlikely team pit against the cowboy madman. The action is quick paced and violent as the story unfolds from the twists and layers Mr. Dunwoody weaves. Mr. Dunwoody's graphic storytelling shines here and calls to mind greats such as King, Laymon, and Mathison in turn without loosing his unique voice.
The short stories following the pulpy macabre Unbound continue to build on the dark feeling Mr. Dunwoody easily establishes early on. Voice, the first is haunting and heartbreaking at the same time in only a few pages.
The next, Saligia, is the lone real zombie story in the collection and it may be the weirdest of them all. The story builds in one direction then spins into an entire different one about midway. My mind couldn't help but search for the symbolism here, this story feels bigger than you catch with your eyes the first time through.
Ministry is a darkly semi-comedic piece that shows the hazards of "grave riding." This story features a re-occurring character, Mr. Chith, from other Dunwoody stories. The appearance of Mr. Chith backs up my claim that David Dunwoody builds his own personal mythos as he writes, giving you as a reader vast areas of his madness to explore.
The insanity of Clowns builds solid and thick into a truly terrifying tale. This story takes the idea of zombies taking over in a wonderfully twisted direction that really raises the hairs on the back of your neck. Imagine a town filled with emotionless clowns; all with the same painted blue smile.
Exhibit pulls you forward to a twisted ending with a Lovecraftian feel. There's a strong moral lesson buried under the sex and horror and Mr. Dunwoody polishes it up with a nice dash of irony.
Mr. Dunwoody's story Mother Tree was first featured on Choate road where he was awarded their spot-light scribe of the year. An old tree has lovers and children in this weird story told completely different then the rest of the collection. However, like the others it oozes an addictive darkness that engages you through out.
The last story, The Devil's Due, is set in purgatory as seen through Mr. Dunwoody's eyes. A former private eye is given a job by Satan in this pulpy horror story.
All in all a great collection of macabre and strange stories that will appease old Dunwoody fans and surely earn him more. The stories are as varied as they are strange but as a whole this book is darker than Lovecraft's coffin and it presses that feeling down on you. Highly recommended for fans of strange scary horror (if you are reading this then I mean you.)

Get it here

Mr. Moon and Bizarro Horror X2

2010-11-21T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm very excited and proud to announce that Houdini Gut Punch is live on amazon.com! Yup, my first ever venture into the editing world (be afraid world, be very afraid) was born yesterday. And you know what makes the day even cooler? Houdini Gut Punch has a twisted Bizarro Horror brother! That's right Toe Tags 2: Blood and Bizarro, from Brian Barnett and William Pauley III, is live on amazon as well! That's two tomes of wicked weird bizarro horror for you, together boasting over thirty strange scary stories! Order both from amazon and get free shipping! A frakin' double dose of Jordan Krall and Kevin Shamel!If keep typing I'm only going to use more exclamation points so I'll just turn you loose on these two ToCs of 100% awesome.

Side A
NEON GUTTER MEAT-Jordan Krall
Consumer's Paradise-Patrick D'Orazio
The Claws that Catch- P.D. Hansen
The Fowlness- Stephanie Kincaid
Salami Rhett-Kevin Shamel
Another Double Helix Day In Tailertown- Ben McElroy
New Age- Rick Conrood
Real Love Burns- Jonathan Moon

Side B
Hit and Fun- Garrett Cook
Guy Who Got A Headache- Matt Nord
All Due Stories In Good Time- Timothy W. Long
The Aircrash Bureau (or How Johnny Carson and General Patton Hijacked a Space Shuttle To Get Back On The Air)- Nick Cato
You'll Be Grated When You're Dead- Ruth Imeson
!PING!- Christopher Fox
Drain Angel- Cameron C. Pierce

Find it here

THE SPIDERS OF HONEYVILLE by William Pauley III
FORECLOSURE by Garrett Calcaterra
SHADOW POX by David W Barbee
GUNS II by Joey Froehlich
THIRST by Laura Eno
WIT'S END by Suzie Bradshaw
GUY UNHINGED by Steve Lowe
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE TOMBSTONES by Joey Froehlich
BLACK ENVELOPES by Jordan Krall
GINGERBREAD MEN by John F.D. Taff
LISA GOT SQUASHED by Jodi MacArthur
A PRIVATE NIGHTMARE by Joey Froehlich
WAR AND PIECES by J. Travis Grundon
MOTHER'S SOLACE by Alan Spencer
SHEA by Kevin Shamel
UNTITLED by Joey Froehlich
THE NOWHERE ROOM by Andersen Prunty
CARNIVORL by Lee Hughes
HAPPINESS COMES IN SMALL PACKAGES by Brian Barnett

AVAILABLE HERE

See what I'm saying? Huzzah! And amazon is so excited they'll give you FREE shipping if you order them together! Boo. Ya. Ka.

MoOn

Mr. Moon Interviews William Pauley III

2010-11-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in a small dark room with stale smoke swirling around me. I've turned up the radio and let the animals out of their cages. I've smashed all the light bulbs and stepped on the broken glass. No, it's not my birthday. I'm trying to get in the right state of mind to talk with William Pauley III. Mr. Pauley is a hard working bizarro author/editor that writes quick moving bizarro fiction that jumps genres faster than Jamey Jasta from Hatebreed can do a pop star kick. Seriously friends, William Pauley III will be at the forefront of bizarro authors leaving their stain on the literary world and you should get hip to him now. Take for example this interview...it's chock full of laughs, pop culture nightmares, and Pauley's undeniable attitude. Enjoy!

Q. First of all, can I call you Pauley 3?

A. Yes, but only if you call me William first.
(Interviewer Note: Too fancy and rich for a damned nickname, huh?)

Q. Okay now that that’s out of the way, what are the earliest influences on your writing? Please include any social factors for wanting to write in addition to other authors and their work. What made you want to write?

A. I’ve always loved to read. I remember when I was a child my parents would often take me to the library. I was always drawn towards science fiction and mysteries mainly. Stuff like Encyclopedia Brown and those fun little ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ books. I also loved Goosebumps, which I think may be why I love B-movies so much now, especially horror and sci-fi B-movies. I was also very, very influenced by 90’s Nickelodeon shows – pretty much all of them. Nickelodeon was so weird and funny back then. I would be surprised to find a bizarro author who didn’t grow up watching Nickelodeon. Dr. Seuss, Shel Silverstein, and Roald Dahl also became major influences for me. When I got a little older, around middle school age, I started reading more ‘grown up’ authors such as Ray Bradbury, George Orwell and H.G. Wells. While I always enjoyed horror films, I never really started reading horror until years later.

My first memory of actually writing was when I was about eight years old. My grandma gave me a blank notebook. I remember thinking that I wanted to write until every single page was filled up. I didn’t end up writing that much, but what I did write was a short story about the military finding an alien body and doing an autopsy on it. During the autopsy, the alien wakes up and kills everybody. A couple of years later, the movie INDEPENDENCE DAY came out and I was so pissed. I was convinced that they had stolen my story. But really, the story isn’t that original anyway. Looking back now, I am pretty sure that I had even stolen the idea from a documentary I had watched anyway. But yeah, I was a pissed little ten year old for a while, haha.

Q. I like my fiction weird and dark, and sometimes I like it short…so it seems this The New Flesh is made just for me. Just in case it isn’t could you tell us about it?

A. Actually, it was made just for you! The New Flesh is a blogzine that I started about a year and a half ago that specialized in publishing weird stories. When I first got brave enough to send my stories into magazines, I found that a lot of my stories were being rejected because of how weird they were. Since there weren’t really any places to publish weird flash fiction, I had to submit to the closest thing – horror flash websites and sci-fi websites. Then after the tenth or eleventh “this is too weird” letter, and knowing that I had many writer friends with this same problem, I decided to start my own website. We’ve got some killer tales, too! You should definitely check us out if weird is your thing.

Q. I enjoyed the hell out of Doom Magnetic! The high action bizarro mix of Sci-Fi Western and Violent Crime Horror makes for one of my favorite novellas of the year. And now I hear there’s a frak load more of Doom Magnetic to still be unleashed. Fill me in.

A. Thank you very much! I’m glad you enjoyed it. And yes, you’ve heard right. Doom Magnetic! and its two sequels, Doom Magnetic!! and Doom Magnetic!!!, will be released in a single volume tentatively titled, THE COMPLETE DOOM MAGNETIC! through LegumeMan books. LegumeMan had read the first book and liked it so much that they slapped me with a check for $5,000,000 [notice I said ‘slapped me with’ not ‘paid me’] to publish it and its sequels. I can’t really give away any of the plot details just yet, but you can expect more fast-paced, facked-out mayhem with your cowboy pal, Maundin, and the ever evil Qoser, the Japanese assassin with a cue-ball eye. It is going to kick your ass.

(Interviewer note: Keep your eyes turned towards Australia for this KILLER collection of awesome bizarro story!!!!)

Q. What else are you working on?

A. Right now I am crazy busy writing the Doom Magnetic! sequels, but I also have another book in the works called Demolition Ya-Ya. It’s a novel about a man who wakes up in the middle of the desert to find that he is melting. He has no memory of who he is or why he is melting, but he soon finds himself caught in a dangerous game. It is a very dark sci-fi/bizarro/horror tale that will be published by The Library of Bizarro Horror Press alongside a novel by the great Jordan Krall. I’m very excited about working with both The Library of Bizarro Horror and Jordan Krall.

I also have a book coming out VERY soon from Grindhouse Press called The Brothers Crunk – An 8-Bit Fack-It-All Adventure in 2D. If you grew up in the eighties playing Atari, SEGA, or the almighty NES, then you won’t want to miss this weird little book where the characters live in a world that uses classic video game accessories as real weapons. Look for it to hit in the next month or so.

(Interviewer Note: I can honestly say, as The Library of Bizarro Horror, that we are honored to work with both William Pauley III and Jordan Krall...this will rip faces off!)

Q. Who is your all-time favorite bad guy from movies or literature?

A. Oh man, this is a toughie. I tend to like villains much more than heroes, so I have a pretty long list of ultimate badasses. I really like The Joker. I really, really enjoyed Gary Oldman’s character in Leon, The Professional – man, he was insane! I also really like Mr. Gone from the comic book series The Maxx. He had his head cut off twice and the man still fucking owned! But my all-time favorite? Probably Darryl Revok from the movie Scanners. If anyone else can think of a more brilliant badass than Michael Ironside, then I’d love to hear it.

Q. Why does William Pauley III write bizarro fiction instead of civil war romance novels?

A. Start up The Library of Civil War Romance Press and I will get to writing.

(Interviewer Note: Maybe we'd finally get rich!)

Q. If you could pick 6 horror movies for an all night movie marathon which would they be?
A. Only 6?! Okay… off the top of my head: Tokyo Gore Police, The Brood, The Thing, Dust Devil, Microwave Massacre, and Let Me In (no, not LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. Yes, I’ve seen both versions and prefer the remake).

Q. Speaking of that what is your favorite Disney movie?

A. Tron.

(Interviewer Note: Niiiiice!)

Q. While we are on a roll how far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. To the very end. And when Mr. Wonka gave me the factory, I’d wait until the old fart kicked the bucket, sell it and make millions.

Q. Frankenstein or the Wolfman?

A. Frankenstein. I can’t stand werewolves. Boooorrrriiiinnnggg…

Q. Water, Whiskey, or coffee?

A. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.

Q. If you could kick one super hero in the nards with no repercussions who would it be?

A. Superman, even though it would probably break my foot rather than hurt him. Fancy alien asshole.

Q. Who said, “That rug really tied the room together…did it not?”?

A. THE DUDE.

(Interviewer Note: I would have also accepted Walter Sobchek, I had to watch The Big Lebowski this morning to make sure The Dude said it too. Damn, it there goes my streak.)

Q. Any advise to aspiring writer types?

A. Don’t take advice.

Q. Quick, first name your all time favorite piece of bizarre fiction and then name drop five bizarre talents!

A. My all-time favorite piece of bizarre fiction is Mark Z. Danielewski’s HOUSE OF LEAVES. Check it out if you get the chance. Oh and I’m also nearly finished reading Jordan Krall’s BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS which may very well end up being my favorite bizarro book ever. It’s damn good and should be available soon. Five bizarre talents? 1) Jordan Krall, 2) Matthew Revert, 3) Garrett Cook, 4) Steve Lowe, 5) Chris Bowsman (look for his excellent debut early next year)

DEATHMATCH Question

Q. Your character Qoser from Doom Magnetic, he of the cueball eye and the ability to open the Doom Magnetic, is searching the galaxy for the man known as Maudin accompanied by a small army of the ferocious little bastards known as Mopes. Qoser follows Maudin’s scent to a Brokencyde show. Qoser and his mopes end up in the screamocrunksters dressing room. Three burley body guards surround the brightly attired rocker/clubers. Undaunted by the men Qoser does what he does and asks if they know where Maudin is. The band responds by dousing Qoser with champagne. His cueball eye ball twitches and chaos erupts. Describe the carnage and the outcome in 1,500 words

A. The Brokencyde boys giggle into their armpits as Qoser wrings out his champagne soaked kimono. He is holding the ends of thirty leather leashes in his fist, of which thirty blood-thirsty mopes are attached to, so he has to squeeze the liquid out of his dress with only one hand. The mopes tug anxiously at their leashes, their blood-stained teeth hang like daggers on the outside of their mouths.
“I’m going to ask one last time, and I suggest you answer me straight,” Qoser says, shaking the liquid from his hand. “Where. Is. Maundin?”
The boys try their best to keep from bursting into laughter, their faces turning cherry-red from not breathing. All of them that is except for Mikl, who seems lost in thought.
“You…” Qoser says, pointing at Mikl. “You know where he is, don’t you?”
Mikl looks up at Qoser and screws up his face, “What’d you say his name was again, yo?”
“Maundin.” Qoser repeats, stepping a foot closer. The mopes are now only inches away from Brokencyde. They dart their tongues out like frogs, tasting them. Saliva gathers in puddles on the floor.
Mikl closes his eyes and begins to bob his head, mumbling nonsense under his breath. “Yo, yo… check it… yo… I got a FREAKDIDDY all up in my biznazz,” Mikl sings, his voice suddenly and oddly electronic. “Askin’ for a mothafucka, ain’t nobody seen him…”
Se7en stands up and combs his frizzy dyed hair down into his face with his fingers. He begins to scream along with Mikl’s rap. “FREAKDDIDDDDDDDDYYYYY!!!!!! MOTHAFUCKAAAA!!!!!”
“Oh shit!” Mikl looks back at Se7en and playfully punches his shoulder. “We’z just wrote another muthafuckin’ song, yo! This one’s GOT to be the one that gets us dat mothafuckin’ Grammy.”
“NO DOUBT!” Se7en screams.
Qoser checks the word count. Shit, only 300. I must somehow make this last for another 1,200 words! He drops the leather leashes from his hand. The mopes rip every last inch of meat from their bones, even licking up the blood on the floor afterwards. Qoser raises his hand high in the air. The bones suddenly begin to move and levitate off the floor. Qoser whips his hand around, causing the bones to swirl together and tighten into a large ball of gore (hey, that rhymes!).
Thirty diehard Brokencyde fans stand in front of the stage, anxiously awaiting the most crunktastic band in history to come out and scream nonsense into their faces for the next two hours. The lights go out. The thirty drunk-out-of-their-fucking-skulls fans all start screaming and falling over one another. The curtains pull back, revealing a faint silhouette of something hanging over the stage. The spotlights come on and make their way over to the object – the giant ball of bloody Brokencyde bones.
The crowd is silent for nearly thirty seconds as they all stand and stare at the mess of bone. Finally, someone in the crowd screams, “GET CRUNK, MOTHAFUCKA!” And the others scream and start dancing, even though there is no music. A couple of the girls even sneak on stage and drink Brokencyde blood out of the other’s navel – the most crunkaliscious blood eva!
Qoser walks out onto the stage and grabs the microphone. “I just wanted to apologize for only doing about half of the required word count, but you can’t possibly understand how annoying these kids were. I mean, sure… I would have loved to have tortured them a bit, but that song… that fucking song put me over the top,” Qoser takes a deep breath. “So long for now… oh, and don’t forget to tip your bartender. Good night!”
A few people clap as he exits the stage, but no one listened to a single word. A few hours later, the place begins to empty out. Not a soul complained about the band not showing up for the show. Surprisingly, no one seemed to notice.

(Interviewer note: Okay, this is a great DEATCHMATCH, however, I just had to point out if Pauley would have described every character as 'drunk-out-of-their-fucking-skulls' he would have reached the word count. Don't give up kids, and use long descriptive words in catchy phrases when you need to thicken things up.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, William Pauley the III!!!!
Look, the front side of his head!

You can find Pauley all over the internet but I recommend looking for him at his blog

Grindhouse Press whom will be publishing The Brothers Crunk.

Stop by and read all the strangeness you can handle or you can sub your crazy weird stories to him at The New Flesh

Next up...Eric S. Brown!!!!

Mr. Moon's review Of Eric S. Brown's Bigfoot War

2010-11-12T16:30:00.001-08:00

I've decided to start doing a few reviews of independent fiction books on this here Monkey Faced Demon blog. When I started the interviews I was lucky enough to have David Dunwoody, one of my favorite authors and good friends, go first. And now with the book reviews I'm starting again with someone I am a fan of and a friend to; Eric S. Brown. So without any more blah, blah...

Bigfoot War

By Eric S. Brown

As a kid my dad took us to Yellowstone National Park up to once a week during summer time. The tree covered mountains and wide beautiful fields of wildflowers are forever in my mind. Since my youth I’ve fanaticized about what lies in the shadow of those tall evergreens and what dances through the high mountain meadows in the moon light. Even with my hyper-violent over active imagination I never saw Bigfoot the way Eric S. Brown does in his new Bigfoot War. Massive thick beasts with savage claws and even more savage brute strength live in the heavily wooded area around Babble Creek, NC.
The book opens with a frantic attack that leaves a young boy named Jeff without his brother and father. Jeff tells the town what burst from the trees and slaughtered his family but he is branded crazy by the town. Jeff grows up and never looses his thirst for revenge against the hairy murderer. He shows back up in town and his sole thoughts are on destroying the massive beast that killed his family. He rounds up some help and stalks the blood thirsty beast in the surrounding forest.
Jeff gets his revenge by slaughtering the Bigfoot but at a high price. Unfortunately for the very skeptical town a tribe of the massive brutal beasts is thrown into a fury over the murder of one of their own. So begins the slaughter! From here it is all out battle as the fierce tribe of beasts tear apart the town and every inhabitant they can get their claws on. Now, I’ve been a fan of ESB since I’ve read Season of Rot and I’ve read everything he has released since. I love his style and his style shines here. When the monsters attack the tension is high and the gore sprays. Fleeting rays of hope are snuffed out with giant clawed hands.
ESB made his name with zombie tales but he proves with Bigfoot War he can write whatever his swimming mind wants to. I don’t know if the Bigfoot is one of his favorite monsters from his youth or if Babble Creek is based on his home town but Bigfoot War, while as violent as they come, has a more personal feel than most of ESB’s other works. I can’t get enough and thankfully I won’t have to because he is working on the sequel right now! I highly recommend not only Bigfoot War but anything written by Eric S. Brown.

You can order Bigfoot War here

Mr. Moon Interviews Benjamin Rogers

2010-11-09T17:15:00.000-08:00

Hello all! I'm very excited to bring you now a few questions with one of my brothers from The Library of the Living Dead; Benjamin Rogers! Benjamin has been working hard at spreading the world for the first novel in his trilogy, Faith and The Undead. Benjamin is also a fellow zombie fan and Pink Floyd fan that is a convention going fool. He has taken time out of his busy schedule to chat with me, so we'd better get down to it!

Q.Let’s start at the beginning. How long have you wanted to write and what were your earliest influences? Has your style changed any as you read more and more authors work?

A. Actually I don’t ever remember wanting to be an author. I wrote in High School and college but that was for assignments. It hasn’t been until the past couple years that I really took up the pen for ‘me’ and just let the words flow.

My style changes every time I read something by a different author. I pick up something new. Except Cormack McCarthy’s lack of punctuation. I can’t stand that! I guess I’m a blend of every author I’ve ever read from William W. Johnstone (The Ashes series) to Shakespeare.

(Interviewer Note: Blood Meridian is one of my favorite novels of all time and the lack of punctuation drives me crazy as well.)

Q. Your debut novel is FAITH & THE UNDEAD, part of a trilogy. How much of the story have you figured out? How long has such a big idea been in your head?

A. To be honest I have the entire story in my head. I know where everything is going and what is going to happen to each character. The big task is getting down on paper. I’m pretty sure some of the things I do are going to confuse and upset some people but I don’t write for pulp. I write because I have a story to tell and usually my tales have a definitive purpose.

The story came about after the 2009 Horror Realm in Pittsburgh. I was working on a different story at that time, but after the convention I chose a different route that led to the Trilogy of the Undead!

Q. What is keeping you busy right now?

A. Well, I’m obviously working on Book 2, CRUSADES & THE UNDEAD which is now a weekly blog post on my website at www.benjamincrogers.com. I’m also working on recording FAITH & THE UNDEAD as an audio book but that is something I have no experience with so it is taking a little time!

Of course there are the endless home improvement projects and my beautiful 18 month old daughter Mallory Jayne to keep me busy!

Q. Fast zombies or slow zombies?

A. I’m a diehard traditionalist so I lean heavily toward slow zombies. I prefer the concept of mass death moving towards you. There are plenty of other fast monsters out there!

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. Now that I’m diabetic I’d like to think I could make it all the way through but my guess is that I wouldn’t make it past the river of chocolate! There were so many things to choose from in there that I’d be running the other kids over!

(Interviewer Note: If I fell into a chocolate river i wouldn't come back up until I couldn't feel my arm.)

Q. Where do you see independent horror is three and a half years?

A. Honestly I really see independent horror taking over from the larger publishers in that time. There are so many great authors out there like Dunwoody, North, Moon, Long…. It is hard for me to say nothing will change. We have the LOVE that large publishers don’t!
(Interviewer Note: Hey, I know them dudes!)

Q. To what do you attribute the growing popularity of zombie fiction?

A. We had an interesting discussion at Horror Realm 2010 about the zombie being the last monster archetype. I think that people are realizing that the zombie is the closest thing to a 'true’ monster we will ever get. It could be your wife, lover, child, neighbor, or someone you don’t even know moaning on the other side of the door or pounding on it to get to your flesh! That is truly scarier than some vampire lurking outside your window!

Q. Who said, ‘I don’t roll on Shabas!’?

A. First of you crazy fool, the Jewish day of rest is spelled ‘Shabbos’! And the man who said it is Walter Sobchak from “The Big Lebowski”. One of John Goodman’s greatest roles ever!

(Interviewer Note: Way to point out my non-Jewness, Benjamin! And ten bonus points for your correct answer!)

Q. What was the first scary movie that you remember watching? Do you remember the last time you watched it?

A. Omega Man, with my Dad when I was little. We had just moved to Pittsburgh and bought a house that needed a lot of work. One Saturday it was really nasty out and Dad decided to sit down on and watch some B-grades on Superhost out of Cleveland. He called me in with him and we watched Omega Man. I watch it twice a year and am due on 11/6 since it was my Dad’s birthday!

Q. Speaking of that, if you could pick 6 horror movies for an all-night movie marathon what would they be?

A. Night of the Living Dead – Got to go old school here!
The Exorcist (original uncut) – Dude, seriously! I get to meet Linda Blair at Horror Hound next week and have no clue what I’m going to say!
Dawn of the Dead (original) – No doubt. Screw the remake!
Event Horizon – Gotta feed the sci-fi fan in me!
The Last Man on Earth – Vincent Price & a Richard Matheson story to boot! This was a no brainer for inclusion!
Omega Man – I know. Charleton Heston in an inaccurate remake of The Last Man on Earth. It has sentimental value for me!

(Interviewer Note: I am down for this marathon!)

Q. Okay, spotlight on Mr. Rogers, please….What is your all-time favorite piece of zombie fiction so far?

A. Damn, MoOn! Not an easy question to answer. If you are talking film then there is no doubt only one choice and that is Night of the Living Dead. When it comes to the written word I have to say it is Empire by David Dunwoody. Something about Empire really struck a chord in me. Something deep. It is a big inspiration behind me writing the Trilogy of the Undead. I will say that I greatly prefer independent zombie work as opposed to major publishing. I think we have more unique ideas and presentation!

(Interviewer Note: I agree, Empire is one hell of a great zombie novel!)

Q. Are there any local legends around where you live?

A. We don’t have anything major like Bigfoot, but we do have some things that are based in historical fact. We have Mansfield Penitentiary, which was a brutal prison and is purportedly quite haunted. There is also Camp Chase which was a Confederate Prisoner of War camp. It is haunted by the voices of children and a woman that is dressed in white who is supposedly looking for someone. Also this area was on the front edge of the frontier so we have a lot of ‘dead’ towns around here. You’ll find a lot of old buildings that have fallen down to rubble so there are hauntings around there. We do have a ‘plague’ cemetery. When they built all the canals through Ohio there was a rash of mysterious deaths during the construction near a small town called Lockbourne, OH. They buried all the people together to isolate the disease but there is no documentation of the cause of death. You can actually see it in the center of a cornfield now a day!

Q. Aside from zombies, what is your favorite ALL-TIME monster from film or book?

A. While not a huge fan of gore I love Pinhead from Hellraiser. There is just something about him. The stoic nature, the dark poise. He scares the crap out of me!

Q. Quick, name drop five great independent horror talents!

A. Okay MoOn, I’m going to treat this like NFL picks. Four that everyone knows and then I’m going out on a limb for my fifth!

David Dunwoody, Stephen North, TW Brown, Ben Jones, and my out on the limb pick Monique-Cherie Snyman (Keep an eye on this writer! I think she is going to go a long long way!)

DEATHMATCH QUESTION...

Q. The zombie virus is spreading across the face of the planet at an alarming rate. America is torn asunder by the gnashing teeth of an undead army. China has gone dark and black smoke billows from the devastation of its greatest cities. South America is crowded with the risen dead and even the dense forests offer no safety. Britain is the last country to fall and people are doing their best to just go on with life. Agent 007, James Bond, is as stressed as the rest of his countrymen and, like many, he seeks the calming trance a Pink Floyd show brings. Halfway through the laser show chaos erupts and zombies attack. Crew, security, and fans alike are attacked and then rise again to claim their pound of flesh. In all the chaos 007 and Pink Floyd frontman David Gilmore escape the crowd of ravenous dead and climb up into the catwalks. 007 sends Gilmore up the ladder first and for his act of heroism he receives a zombie bite on his ankle. He manages to climb the ladder but collapses at the top. David Gilmore, armed only with a day-glo green guitar, approaches the super spy but backs up when 007 snarls viciously at him with blood dripping from his open mouth. SO now, Benjamin, tell me what happens when Zombie 007 faces off with David Gilmore! You have 1,000 words to describe the carnage and the outcome!

Gilmour looked down upon the now green skinned Bond as he pulled himself across the catwalk. The wound on his ankle had festered so badly that Bond’s leg couldn’t support his weight. The Pink Floyd front man backed up slowly knowing that he had some space behind and some time to figure out what he was going to do about this current predicament.
Let’s see. I’ve thrown a concert in a Roman amphitheater in Pompeii, made beds fly, and pigs soar through the sky. With that rhymed thought, Gilmour began to strum his day-glo green Strat that he was trying out for the show. At any regular concert he would have gone for his black one but there was something special about today. Something special indeed!
“What’s wrong my dear David? Is there something amiss? I told you years ago I would control the world,” the voice behind Gilmour exclaimed.
He turned his head partway to the voice, never taking both eyes off the undead Bond that had paused his forward progress. On the giant screen over the stage, Gilmour could see a giant white Persian cat with a hand stroking the fur on its head. As the camera panned back the face that greeted the guitarist shocked him, Roger Waters.
“You stole my band, David. I’m here to take it back!”
Gilmour bristled at the accusation and began to strum the tones of a modern Floyd favorite, “Dogs of War.” He knew that Waters was always jealous of that song and that the undead were oddly terrified of the large animal. As Bond picked up with his advance towards him, the giant German Shepherds from the video came up on the huge screen and began their lope across the field.
Bond, in his extreme fear, fell shrank back from the guitarist opening a large gap between the man and zombie. Realizing his chance, Gilmour changed songs to “Pigs (three different ones)” from the Animals album. When the song starts, Gilmour knew that Algie the Fifth, would come fly across the top of the stadium right where his nemesis stood. Sure enough, from behind the stage, came Algie the large inflatable pig that had kept audiences entertained for almost thirty years.
The slight breeze gently buffeted the remote control porcine blimp as she made her way out into the open stadium. The laser show that displayed on the large screen kept Bond occupied with flashing lights as the porker made its way closer and closer until it was too late for the undead super spy. The forelock of the pig caught him in the small of the back and flipped him over the railing that the zombie had used to pull himself upright. Gilmour watched the body tumble through the air as he led into one of the songs many guitar riffs and splatter against the seat that had been set up on the stadiums floor.
“Damn it Gilmour! You bloody git! How dare you foil my plans again?” shouted the voice from the screen.
“Anytime, Roger. I warned you once and I’ll warn you again; do not mess with The Floyd!”
With that declaration the screen went dark. During his battle with the British Agent, Bond, the stadium had managed to clear out as the undead chase their living quarry out into the night air of the town. Stand atop the catwalk and looking out into the empty venue, Gilmour smirked and began to play one of his all-time favorite songs, “Comfortably Numb.” He broke into the lyrics through his wireless microphone and had a surprise.
When he asked the line, “Is there anybody out there?” a voice spoke up from the arena floor.
“I am sir!”
Gilmour looked down to see a young girl, maybe fifteen years of age standing below him amongst the strewn seats and body parts.
“Have you been bitten?”
“No sir!”
“Good! Do you know who I am?”
“You’re the lead singer of Floyd!”
“Yes, but what’s my name?”
The girl looked down at the floor and built up the courage for her reply. “I don’t know, sir!”
Gilmour stood back for a second and looked around the arena taking in the carnage, devastation and most of all Bond’s broken body not twenty feet from the teenage survivor.
“It’s Gilmour, David Gilmour. Double O Pig, Zombie Hunter!”

Nicely done!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Benjamin Rogers!

Be sure to track Benjamin down at his web site
NEXT Up- William Pauley III!!!!!

Mr. MoOn's Nightmares All Day Day (12-10-10)

2010-11-06T17:09:00.000-07:00

It has been roughly six months since the release of Mr. Moon’s Nightmares! The Library of Horror helped make the dream of sharing a collection of my dark stories with the world come true. As my first published work it has been well received in horror circles....check the BLURB-AGE...

"I love a good nightmare, and Jonathan Moon never disappoints when he pries his head open to show us all the dark things inside."
-David Dunwoody, author of EMPIRE and UNBOUND & OTHER TALES

“Mr. Moon's Nightmares is eminently satisfying. Mr. Moon is a crafter of stories, pure and simple. He knows how to set the mood, give the right amount of ambiance, and then provides an eerie creepiness that immerses the reader in the doom and gloom of each tale.”
-Patrick D'Orazio, author of COMES THE DARK

"Jonathan Moon's writing grips you with a breathless mix of terror, beauty, and creepiness that is hard to resist."-- Lori Titus, author of GREEN WATER LULLABY and LAZARUS.

“Jonathan Moon weaves stories in fine detail, with a style that ensnares the reader and then scares the living snot of them in straight-shooting, out-and-out, blood and guts staccato. Ride with him and whoop your way to hell.” --Kevin Shamel, author of ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS

“Jonathan Moon pulls the sinister from the seemingly innocent. Like a sadistic surgeon of words, Moon takes horror to a new level, slowly slicing our piece of mind until there is nothing left but our raw fear. He’s the only guy I know who can turn ladybugs into harbingers of violent terror. His tales are poetic, dark, and oddly beautiful.” –Jordan Krall, author of SQUID PULP BLUES and FISTFUL OF FEET

So, if all these killer writers enjoy Mr. Moon's Nightmares you are bound to as well. I feel I've put together a great collection of fine horrorcore for horror fiends such as yourself.

I, being the god of my world, have deemed December 10, 2010 Mr. Moon’s Nightmares All Day Day! On this brisk December day I want to take a chunk out of the horror market and shake it for the world! ‘How can I help this half deranged writer so he leaves me be?’ you may be asking yourself. Well, this half deranged writer wrote out a list of ways for you!

1. Buy Mr. Moon’s Nightmares! If you haven’t yet, on December 10, 2010 go to

http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Moons-Nightmares-Jonathan-Moon/dp/1451577249/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1287516260&sr=1-1"

I want to see that sales rank jump! More sales means more advertising and I want to hop on that train! Now, maybe you already own a copy of this masterful collection of terror but perhaps you have friends that would enjoy a copy under their Christmas tree! I’m planning the event so all books ordered will be delivered in time for Christmas!

2. Give Mr. Moon’s Nightmares a review on Amazon! Go to http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Moons-Nightmares-Jonathan-Moon/product-reviews/1451577249/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1"

and tell the world how scary and beautiful Mr. Moon’s Nightmares is.

3. Blog about it! If you have a blog you could help my cause by reviewing Mr. Moon’s Nightmares, promoting Mr. Moon’s Nightmares All Day Day, or even, for the boldest amongst you interview me! If you do wish to review Mr. Moon’s Nightmares for your blog I’ll shoot ya off a PDF copy!

4. Join the the facebook event page for Mr. Moon’s Nightmares All Day Day. Hang out while I spin mad promos and ramble on and on and on. Tell your friends so we can all be FRIENDS together.
http://http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=170572399623444"

Any way you can help is greatly appreciated!

As an added bonus I’ll be posting up different things all day on 12-10-10 like my favorite music videos, favorite quotes, and profanity laced alcohol fueled reviews of my favorite books and movies! I’ll be giving away a few MP3s of me reading a select few stories from Mr. Moon’s Nightmares.

I plan on interviewing MYSELF, with questions you can send me to be answered, at my Monkey Faced Demon blog!

As a special added bonus I will be giving away some of my favorite independent books of the year! I plan on giving away a pack of nine books including titles by David Dunwoody, ESB, Jordan Krall, Tim Long, Kevin Shamel, and Carlton Mellick III! For EVERY copy of Mr. Moon’s Nightmares bought I will put your name in a drawing. If you order Mr. Moon’s Nightmares and the forthcoming Houdini Gut Punch I’ll enter you three times in the drawing!

Only a month and a half away dear friends but I feel ready. Thank you for reading and thank you for being there. Join me on December 10, 2010 to celebrate great independent horrorcore with Mr. Moon’s Nightmares All Day Day!

Thank you all for helping me make my dreams come true!!!!

Jonathan MoOn

Mr. Moon is in ABANDONED 2

2010-10-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm very honored to be in the second installment of awesome photographer Jason Baker's Abandoned series. I closed the first collection and I was lucky enough to open this one. My style works very well with Jason's and I enjoy every chance I get to work with him. We will have a lot of great dark goodness for you in the coming years. Also, I'm honored to share the Table of Contents with a few good friends and all great writers. SEVEN great horror stories! Over FIFTY of Mr. Baker's eerie creepy photos!!

Here is the Table of Contents and below it the links on how to order...

All That Glimmers Isn't Copper- by Jonathan MoOn

Atop Hepatica Hill- by Stephen W. Roberts

The Intruder- by Todd Martin

Dilapidated Souls- by Robert Essig

Reawakening- by Charlotte Emma Gledson

The Sickly Hall- by Seb Naylor

The Blue Man In The Shadows- by Chris Bartholomew

You can order Abandoned 2 here...

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1608536#about-book

You can order the first Abandoned, with my story Conversing Doctor DeFeo, here...

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1209915

ENJOY!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews Jeremy C. Shipp

2010-10-19T13:57:00.000-07:00

I love independent fiction like heroin loves the needle. Seriously, immediately after finishing Jeremy C. Shipp's incredible new collection Fungus of the Heart I sat down and wrote out these questions. Jeremy is a stand out talent and a star on the rise, his talent is only overshadowed by his kindness and humility. I'm very proud to bring you a few words with the wonderfully unique Jeremy C. Shipp.

Q. Let’s start at the very beginning. Do you remember the first thing that made you want to write? Please include any social influences as well as other author’s work.

A. My greatest influence was playing pretend with my brothers when I was a kid. We would come up with complex storylines and recurring characters such as the grim reaper and an extremely lucky wrestler with two Neanderthal sidekicks. I also fell in love with storytelling thanks to creative individuals such as HG Wells, Terry Gilliam, Ray Bradbury, George Lucas, Alexandre Dumas, Jim Henson, Jules Verne.

Q. Do you remember your first published story?

A. My first published story was called “Love Thy Demon.” It was either about a demon or an anthropomorphic tea cozy. I can’t remember which.

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. I’m hard at work on a new dark fiction collection, a middle grade fantasy novel, a screenplay, and a couple other projects. Oh, and I’m starting an indie rock band with the Mothra Twins and Max Headroom.

(Interviewer note: Be careful that Max Headroom is a son of a bitch.)

Q. Who is your ALL TIME favorite bad guy for books or movies?

A. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

Q. Why does Jeremy C. Shipp write bizarro fiction and not glittery vampire stories?

A. I go wherever my imagination takes me, and my imagination takes me to worlds inhabited by zombie polar bears, boys who live in cabinets, and mold sprites.

Q. For your story ‘Flapjack’, from The Bizarro Starter Kit: Blue, the characters seem to have their own language. How did you come up with it? And do you have a translation guide in case I missed something?

A. I’ve always loved playing around with language, and so it was easy for me to come up with Flapjack-speak. The only translation guide exists in my head, but every word in the story can be understood through context.

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory?

A. Being vegan, I’d go to Billy Bonka’s Vegan Chocolate Factory instead, where all the chocolate tastes moderately disgusting. Billy Bonka believes it’s wrong to remove Oompa Loompas from their native lands, and so he enslaves the plant-based Poompa Ploompas instead, which is much more ethical. I would make it all the way through the factory, because I’m quite the goody two-shoes. After I inherit the factory, the Poompa Ploompas would convince me that all plants have feelings, and I’d end up starving to death.

(Interviewer note: Poompa Ploompas are delicious sauteed in olive oil and garlic.)

Q. If you could pick 6 horror movies for an all-night movie marathon which would they be?

A. Audition, Dead Alive, Psycho, The Happiness of the Katakuris, May, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.
( Interviewer note: I'm goggling the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra as soon as i post this!)

Q. In your fantastic new collection of short stories. ‘Fungus of the Heart’, there are several reoccurring themes; such as War, Redemption, Family, Gender, Love, Hope and Despair. As different as the stories all are they all seem interconnected if only through theme and subject. Was this intentional? How much of your personal life do you put into your stories?

A. I wanted each story to be its own universe, but I wanted these universes to be funhouse mirror reflections of our own world. Every story in the collection focuses on relationships. Love, family, friendship. My personal life bleeds into my stories, and my stories bleed into my personal life, but I would never write an autobiography or a memoir. The characters and situations in my stories are only somewhat inspired by real life. For instance, the way that Cicely and Nicholas (from my novel Cursed) talk to each other reminds me of how me and my wife talk to each other sometimes.

Q. As a leader in the new Bizarro movement you’ve organized an on-line writer’s workshop. Can you tell us all about it?

A. I teach an online writing course called the Jeremy C. Shipp Yard Gnome Fiction Army Bootcamp. My students read lectures and complete weekly writing exercises. They also write and critique short stories and novel chapters. If anyone reading this would like to learn more about the course, feel free to email me at bizarrobytes@gmail.com.

Q. Who said, “It’s a fucking show dog! It has papers!” ?

A. I have no idea, dude. Walter Cronkite?
(Interviewer note: Soooo close, Walter Sobchek. John Goodman's character from The Big Lewbowski.)

Q. Stephen Roberts (of The Dark Fiction Show fame) states in his bio that your novel ‘Vacation’ changed the way he looks at fiction. Does being an inspiration to your fellow writers make you feel as sexy as it would make me feel?

A. Being an inspiration to other writers makes me feel like a yard gnome shaman who’s just discovered a new species of magic mushroom.

Q. Whiskey, water, or coffee?

A. I don’t drink coffee or anything alcoholic, so I’d have to choose the Smurf smoothie.

Q. How many yard gnomes live in your yard? Have you ever seen them attack?

A. The colony in my yard consists of 634 worker gnomes, a Queen, four shamans, and a pair Vaudevillian gnomic pirates. I once watched my yard gnomes tear apart an attic clown using nothing but their titanium sporks. It was horrific, and yet somehow grotesquely beautiful.

(Interviewer note:I would be scared shitless around that many yard gnomes!)

Q. Quick, name drop five Bizarro talents!

A. Andersen Prunty, Tom Bradley, Gina Ranalli, John Edward Lawson, Carlton Mellick III.

Q. Any advise for aspiring writers?

A. Read and write every day. Write even when writing feels like the last thing in the universe you want to do. Also, don’t let rejection get you down. Rejection letters are good for you. They’re high in omega-3 fatty acids.

DEATHMATCH Question!!!!!!

Q. Your attic clown saunters down to steal some bagels from your breakfast table and is confronted by none other than Earnest Hemingway. The two have a brief but silent conversation with their eyes, and then the shouting begins. It wakes you and you crash into your kitchen as the attic clown yells, “This house isn’t big enough for the two of us!”
Being the calming voice of reason you talk them into working out their problems the old fashioned way; with a two out of three falls battle!

Round 1. A spelling bee between the two big-word-loving-fiends.

Round 2. A bare-knuckle boxing match ala’ the 1930’s.

And if necessary….

Round 3. Each man builds his own giant robot warrior (think Voltron) and must destroy the other!

You have 1,500 words to describe the carnage and the outcome!!!!

A.

Looking down at the index card, I say, “Spell Kilimanjaro.”

“K...I…L—” Ernest begins earnestly.

“I’ll kill a man, Jer-o,” says the clown, and chortles until he pops a blood vessel.

Ernest sighs. “I’m not nearly drunk enough to spend time with such a fool.”

“It’s six in the morning,” I say.

“It’s six in the evening in Kilimanjaro,” Ernest says.

“No it’s not.”

At this point, the Attic Clown squirts the ground with demonic seltzer and raises a horde of balloon animals. They’re all bees and they’re all swarming around Ernest. They’re saying, “K.I.L.L.A.M.A.N.J.E.R.O.”

As the bees stab Ernest all over his body, the old man says, “K.I.L.I.M.A.N.J.A.R.O.”

“Ernest wins,” I say, and the bees all pop, spraying blood and pus all over Ernest’s head and safari clothes.

Next, the Attic Clown and Ernest shrink down to the size of a whiskey bottle. The attic clown changes his clothing and enters the Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot ring.

“I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy,” Ernest says.

“But that’s not Tolstoy,” I say. “That’s just the Attic Clown in a Russian military uniform.”

“I refuse to fight anyone Tolstoy-esque.”

“Fine. The Attic Clown wins this round.”

For round three, Ernest and the Attic Clown build a couple of miniature giant robots out of LEGO bricks.

Ernest's Drunktron tries to shoot the Attic Clown's Gigglebot using a miniature giant shotgun, but the Drunktron can't shoot the broad side of a robotic barn.

Meanwhile, the Gigglebot slaps the Drunktron over and over with a miniature giant rubber chicken.

Eventually, Ernest is destroyed but not defeated.

Whoa, the first ever deathless DEATHMATCH, and I still loved it!
Bravo! thank you Jeremy C. Shipp!

You can find more Jeremy C. Shipp here...

http://www.jeremycshipp.com/
http://www.twitter.com/JeremyCShipp
http://rawdogscreaming.com/fungus.html

Next up Benjamin Rogers!!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews Garrett Cook

2010-10-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

A month ago i sent the following set of interview questions to Garrett Cook. Being the thorough dude that he is he re-read Blood Meridian to give the DEATHMATCH the attention it deserved. This is an overall example of his talent. A Garrett Cook story is darkly twisted, darkly humored, and darkly uncompromising. I read his story 'Hit And Fun' and knew right away it had to be in Houdini Gut Punch. This year Mr. Cook is working hard spreading the bizarro word and his novel Archelon Ranch has been nominated for A Wonderland Award. Truly one of my new favorite talents, Ladies and Gentlemen....A few words with Garrett Cook...

Q. Let’s start from the beginning, what made you want to write? Please include any social influences as well as other authors and their work.

A. This question’s exhausting. I’ve been reading since the age of two and could usually either be found reading a book or drawing on reams upon reams of copier paper. I’ve always needed plot around me. When there is no plot going on, I feel jumpy. So, I’ll be reading a book, watching a movie, writing or else speculating on a story wherever I am. My first influences were horror movies, mythology books and folk tales. Then I moved onto comic books and then great works of literature. As a teenager, I was about as comfortable in my own skin as everybody else tends to be. I would say I was uncomfortable in my own skin as a teenager but that’s a revelation on the same level as “cookies sure are yummy”. I wanted to be a literary writer and a more straightforward magical realist. I wrote fables and dark fantasy stories that blurred genre boundaries a lot. Some of them, I still try to publish places. In college, I began my translation of Dante’s Inferno, which I hope to finish someday. That had a big influence on me. It’s just the best story, the soul’s progress beyond the dark into the light. You can’t beat that. But, I came to realize that we’ve created a hierarchy of stories that isn’t always healthy. We say something’s great art and something else is crap just because primal, visceral or silly things happen in it. Those things are the best things. Why write books without the best stuff? Literary fiction as we know it is a product of the age of the cheeseless pizza. We think it’s good for us because it’s bland. Intercourse, swordfights and jokes at the expense of everything that thinks it’s too relevant to take our phonecalls and everything that’s too sad to escape are good for us. I like combining that sensibility with a strong message which hopefully makes something you won’t find anywhere else.

Q. As a fan of crappy, cheap, and underground film I’ve become a fan of Dollar Bin Massacre as I think many more people should, (seriously no one has discussions about Battle Field Planet Earth but you guys). Can you tell us about it?

A.Dollar Bin Massacre is a movie site where me, my girlfriend Leza and Bizarro author Jordan Krall deconstruct, deface, lift up and bring down works of unique, cheap and unusual cinema. If you like that kind of thing, yeah, check it out. We’re sort of on hiatus right now because we’ve all been doing our own things, but I hope to get back to it soon. Until then, there’s plenty up for you guys to read.

Q. ALL TIME favorite bad guy from film of book?

A. Reverend Harry Powell from Night of the Hunter. I haven’t read the book, but Robert Mitchum is dynamite in that movie. He’s a guy who in his head and in his heart has made a covenant with a god that isn’t nice, that isn’t forgiving and that agrees with everything he does. People like that in this world are terrifying. Pure LaVey Satanism posing as Christianity. Like these conservative bloggers who are saying that letting a family’s house burn down because they didn’t pay seventy five bucks for fire department coverage is a Christian thing to do. It’s not a Christian thing to do. It’s a Satanic thing to do. It’s a “no mercy for the weak, what’s in it for me?” thing to do. The god they serve is a bloated, selfish shithead and nothing’s scarier than people that do that creature’s work on Earth.

(Interviewer note: Robert Mitchum can't help but be dynamite.)

Q. Jimmy Plush is a bizarro crime noir about a stuffed teddy bear. How does a teddy bear survive in a brutal Garrett Cook reality?

A.He survives and he doesn’t. His body is meaningless. It’s only stuffing, so it’s reparable. And he’s hungry for the truth. He’s not by any means a good detective. He’s no Hercule Poirot, that’s for damn sure. He’s no different from the other monster heroes and victims that populate my work because he wants answers, he wants meaning and a sense of self and to get back things he’s lost. And he’ll do anything to do it, even things that cause him to lose a little bit of his soul and his self respect.

Q. Your Murderland books (which I am currently addicted to) are based in a reality where serial killers are celebrities. One of the things I enjoy about them (aside from the ultraviolence) is the cynicism wrapped in humor. The world within the novels is rich and dark but not really that far off of ours. What are your feelings about the our world’s obsession with killers?

A. We live with a lot of boundaries. Some of them come from laws and some of them come from our own sense of ethics. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where one leaves off and the other begins. When we see somebody who lives without those boundaries, this person is, on an unconscious level as unusual to us as somebody who exists outside of time or bypasses the laws of gravity. Our literature and culture are full of people for whom sociopathy is a superpower. So, unfortunately are our news programs. We fear the mix or weakness and potential these abnormalities exhibit. On a gut reaction level we think that somebody who can reason their way into doing anything is capable of anything. Because a lot of us see ethics and laws as boundaries, lines we cannot cross and places we cannot go, we believe this is so. I feel that we need to stop looking at ethics as nothing but a list of things we can’t do and start thinking about things righteous and good people can do that the superbeing who doesn’t have a conscience to hold them back can’t. That’s why I like to write about characters whose weakness is their lack of ethics and good judgment. A Garrett Cook book is kind of like a Goofus solo comic. They’re usually about people who can get what they want but do so at the expense of actual meaning in their accomplishments, something that they have to crusade, with varying levels of effectiveness to undo.

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. Too much. Way too much. Sequel to Archelon Ranch (yes, you read that correctly), collection of novellas for Eraserhead for which I am being piquant, nervous and indecisive, traits that messrs. Mellick and Burk and Miss O’ Keefe have encountered in me before that I hope I shall overcome by the next thing I do. A horror novella that is sort of Pan’s Labirynth as directed by Rob Zombie and an idea I brought up in jest on Permuted Press’ Facebook page that I’ve been encouraged to jump on. It will all be done. Whether it’s done as fast as I’d like it to be done is the question.

(Interviewer note: Can't wait!)

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory?

A. Knowing that it’s a blatant allegory for Hell, I would not enter the place. If I had to go in, I think I might be able to go the distance. I don’t drink water out of streams that I suspect spooky midgets bathe in, I don’t chase special squirrels, I don’t chew gum, drink experimental soda or let myself be teleported through a television. Maybe that makes me a square, but it also makes me not a total dipshit. What is wrong with those people?

(Interviewer note: Self Control is a rare commodity when the walls taste like Snozzberries)

Q. You won the first ever Bizarro Showdown, are you gonna show them kids how it’s done again this year?

A. Yes. I will do it the tune of Montell Jordan’s This is How We Do It as well.

Q. Who said, “This isn’t ‘Nam this is bowling, there are rules.” ?

A. Walter Sobchak. Say what you want about The Big Lebowski, at least it’s an ethos.
(Interviewer Note: Ten bonus points.)

Q. If you had the chance to kick one comic book character in the balls with no repercussions who would it be and why?

A. Harvey Pekar. Because he would have made something out of it. Sure, it would be great to kick Wolverine in the balls, but that’s just a moment and nothing becomes of it. If you kicked Harvey Pekar in the balls, people would get to read an irritating but still somehow wonderful rant on fairness in life. So, in that way, hipster douchebags are right in thinking Harvey Pekar was a real comicbook hero. He was a big loss.

Q. If you could pick 6 horror movies for an all night movie marathon what would they be?

A. Tough, tough call. I’d start out ugly and get classier as the night progresses. So, I’d begin with H.G Lewis’ The Gore Gore Girls, move onto Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, then The Abominable Doctor Phibes, after that Tenebre, followed by Mad Love and I’d cap it all off with either The Body Snatcher or Mark of the Vampire.

Q. If you had a fifth of whiskey, one adjective, two nouns, and one verb how would you describe yourself?

A.If I had a fifth of whiskey:

Drunk, classyman, lothario, dragonwrestling
So it’s a good thing I don’t’ have one.

Q. Quick namedrop five bizarro talents!

A.Cameron Pierce, Forrest Armstrong, Jordan Krall, Andersen Prunty, Eric Mays
(Interviewer Note: Everybody loves Jordan Krall.)

DEATHMATCH QUESTION!!!!!!

Q. I’ve always been the kind of guy that roots for the bad guy and in my 32 years I’ve found a lot of bad asses that keep me entertained. Your chocolate bunny eatin’ virgin slayin’ hot rodin’ bad ass Ronnie Ray became an instant favorite of mine. So much so that I want to see him do battle with another of my top five bad asses…The Judge from Cormac McCarthy’s aptly titled Blood Meridian. Since this battle includes not one, but two, of my favorites I’ll even give you an extra five hundred words! Feel free to include Ronnie Ray’s Slashcats and The Judge’s merry band of scalphunters if you see fit. You have 1500 words to describe the carnage and the outcome!

Deathmatch: Ronnie Ray vs. The Judge from Blood Meridian

Ronnie Ray was proud of himself. It had been a great night for running over virgins and defiling their dead bodies in the name of Satan. Boy, tonight had been so good, he was sure Satan would thank him in person. And he would hug Satan and thank him for everything he’d given him in life and offer to give him a blowjob that would not be gay at all. It was gonna be great. Ronnie Ray had thought this would happen the last time he did it, but he hadn’t done enough that time. It was stupid to think it. This time, it would definitely be true. Satan would have to come with this much carnage and defiling having been done in his name. And he was going to have a wonderful nongay time.

As usual Satan looked upon Ronnie Ray’s sacrifice and actions and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to vomit or sigh. Ronnie Ray’s sacrifices had been annoying at first, but now had grown disquieting. Satan had no desire to continue to see such egregious displays, displays that would no doubt alienate a lot of other people from Satan worship. Ronnie Ray was the worst thing that had happened to Satan since Richard Ramirez. Just then, he happened to notice a golden parchment on his desk.
It read:
“Do not send Ronnie Ray back in time.”
Satan, being as unfamiliar with time travel paradoxes as most other people, read the parchment and assumed that he had already done so and since he had already done so, there could be no harm in doing it. The Wild West seemed like a good time to send Ronnie Ray to. Satan was a tad shortsighted in this, since he did not understand that if Ronnie Ray were killed back then, he’d have to endure his presence in Hell for 150 years retroactively. Satan could sometimes be that way. He had, after all been the one to decide he could overthrow an omnipotent omnipresence with an army of things it had created. But, everyone makes mistakes.

Satan decided that the best time to do this would be when Ronnie Ray was sleeping. It was hard to time this since Ronnie Ray only slept eleven minutes every night because of his constant rape and chocolate bunny buzz. Satan got Ronnie Ray when he was sleeping and dropped him in the middle of the desert. If Satan had done this to most men, that he did not want to see in Hell relatively soon, he would’ve had to deal with the bastard in short order. Not so with Ronnie Ray.

Ronnie Ray woke up in blistering heat with sand in his teeth. He was surrounded by Indians, who he assumed wanted to kill him. Or, he decided on the fly, surrounded by armed Indian braves that Satan had sent him out in the desert to kill. Ronnie Ray did not take any time to think about his situation. He drew his switchblade and before the Indians knew it, two of their throats had been cut. Maybe there were twenty of them and one of him, but he’d been given a mission. Seeing two of their own fall, they lunged at him with their spears. But, Ronnie Ray was sheer poetry in a knifefight, he knew when to move, when to strike, when to hit low, when to hit high. And he was fast. Ronnie Ray drove fast, Ronnie Ray raped fast and Ronnie Ray killed fast. There was no good reason for hostility between Ronnie Ray and these Indians, no good reason for twenty of them to lose their life to a knifewielding sociopath that was too quick to impale.
When the Indians were dead, Ronnie Ray removed their heads and had sex with them to appease the devil. The devil was not appeased, so wrote himself a note, one that he would find in the future that would initiate this fiasco, a fiasco that would no doubt be the progenitor of bigger fiascos. Like the one riding toward Ronnie Ray, the great, fat, bald giant of a man. The devil had not anticipated this meeting between the two, each a master of slaughter, each a prodigy of hate, each an agency of tasteless chaos. The devil cringed seeing the big, bald man spot Ronnie Ray making his “sacrifice”.

“A sight for sore eyes!” said the big, bald man with a laugh.

Ronnie Ray turned, switchblade in his hand.

“You stay right where you are, you fucking faggot!” he screamed, “You don’t know who you’re fucking with!”

The big man raised an eyebrow. He’d not expected so much hostility. A white man that hated Indians that much should have been eager to see another white man out in the desert.

“I have no intention of doing you any harm, friend,” said the big man, “I was admiring your handywork. You’re the sort of man I’m looking for.”

“I ain’t no faggot!” Ronnie Ray shrilled, “You try to kiss me and so help me, I’ll cut off your balls!”

Most men would’ve taken this warning and run away. But this man wasn’t most men. This man was cunning, deadly and full of hate. This man respected Ronnie Ray as a great killer of Indians, saw him as a knife that could cut through the great dark savage multitudes.

“I want your help. I got work for a man like you. I want to find you a horse and I want you to help me collect some scalps. There’s good money in it.”

Ronnie Ray did not hear good money and did not like the idea of work. He had never worked a day in his life and he didn’t plan on starting to. Especially not for some friendly stranger. But more scalps was good. Maybe the devil would like some scalps. That would be great. Worth even working for, especially if the working was killing, which was something Ronnie Ray would do anyway.

“You gonna get me a horse? You gonna help me find more Indians?”

“I assure you, I will.”

“I’ll take your job! But I work for Satan! I don’t work for you!”

The big man shrugged.
“Fine with me.”

At the next town, the big man found Ronnie Ray a horse. The big man tried to recruit more men for his scalping mission, but Ronnie Ray kept screaming at and threatening every potential candidate with his knife. There wasn’t a man brave enough to ride out with them. The big man was confused, wondering whether enlisting Ronnie Ray was worth it. On the one hand, Ronnie Ray was really good at scalping. On the other, Ronnie Ray was a psychopath that had prevented anyone else from joining the mission. Perhaps this could be smoothed over.

“You know, Ronnie Ray,” said the big, bald man, “if we don’t have more men to ride with us, we won’t get as many scalps.”

Ronnie Ray was not listening. He was busy slicing his horse’s tendons and thinking about how happy Satan would be to get a dead horse, head thoroughly raped. In all of his days as a Satan worshipping juvenile delinquent, Ronnie Ray had yet to bring Satan a dead horse. Perhaps Satan, who never responded to Ronnie Ray’s prayers in any way but bringing him back in time, was disappointed with this.

The fat, bald, angry gentleman beheld this senseless horsehobbling and realized that this man was no better than any of the savages they had gone out to vanquish. In fact, he was a savage of the first and worst order. He reached for his rifle and took aim. It was hard to do so, because his vision was blurred and he was hurting very bad. Ronnie Ray had cut him from one end of his belly to the other. Looking down at his wound, the next thing he saw was Ronnie Ray’s switchblade slicing off his nose.

“I heard ‘em!” Ronnie Ray screamed, “In town, I heard ‘em callin’ you judge! You’re a fuckin’ square! I kill fuckin’ squares!”

The knife retraced the cut, expanded it, deepened it. It went back following its trail of blood and scarification and the square who had tried to trick him into doing honest work opened up real wide. The big, bald man died regretting that he had ever met this unstable young madman, a thing of random, unrestrained hate, the worst of human nature.

Ronnie Ray developed a reputation as the man who killed The Judge. All through the West, the name was good as sayin’ the devil, good as sayin’ death. In 1885, Ronnie Ray discovered an abandoned Delorean in a mineshaft, which he recognized as a time travel device. He tied it to a locomotive and set off for the moment of his conception. The older Ronnie Ray sacrificed his father to Satan and raped his mother, because he’d always wondered what it would feel like. And that’s how Ronnie Ray conceived himself.

Hot Damn! Ronnie Ray is a BAD ASS!!!!!
Thanks Garrett for the wicked cool interview! Best O' Luck at the Bizarro Showdown!

You can check out Garrett's blog and get his echap book, Heresy and Hearsay,here

You can read all the movie madness of Dollar Bin Massacre here

Or check out any of Garrett's ultra killer work here

NEXT UP: Jeremy C. Shipp!!!!!!!

Mr Moon's New Job Title

2010-10-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I've been a busy little horrorcore head the past few weeks with both writing and ungodly editing. I'm getting HEINOUS re-written for May December Publications. I've started work on my first ever ZOMBIE novel! It is a wild ass wild west zombie novel that will be forthcoming from Library of the Living Dead Press! Then on the editing side of things I've finished re-proofing Mr. Moon's Nightmares and it will be reloaded with the next week. Also, Houdini Gut Punch is in the final stages. I hope to see this killer bizarro antho out by Halloween.
And that brings me to my big news. As of this morning I will be running the Bizarro branch of The Library of the Living Dead family of imprints. New official title...Executive Librarian: Bizarro Branch. What this means is I will be running all the business with The Library of Bizarro Horror!
I am going to be announcing a new sub call for a new antho soon. I am also immediately open for queries and submissions of Bizarro novels!
Please help me make this imprint the best it can be! Feel free to email me at bizarrohorror@yahoo.com with novel queries or any other questions.
Thanks to Doc and all of you that have proven to be friends!
Jonathan MoOn

Mr. Moon Interviews David W. Barbee

2010-08-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

Bizarro, for those of you that don't know, is a relatively new genre hitting the fiction world like a palm thrust to the throat. Sometimes intelligent, sometimes ridiculous,often violent and sexual, and always entertaining. I had the chance to send a handful of questions to a bright new talent in the Bizarro world; none other than David W. Barbee. I sent the questions to his secret hideout where he communicates with that fascist little bastard 898.What follows are his answers. I almost feel like I should hand out giant plastic sheets like Gallagher used to. Except it would shield you not from chunks of watermelon but the vomit, gore, and Oompa Loompa arterial spray. Enjoy!

Q. So your novel Carnageland was published by the rad Eraserhead Press as part of The New Bizarro Author Series. Can you tell us about the N.B.A.S. and some of your fellow N.B.A.S. authors?

A. The NBAS is a dastardly plot to incubate new bizarro drones for when Eraserhead Press takes over the world. As for the current members, I can only say very good things. Eric, Pat, and Kevin are some of the smartest, friendliest, and most creative folks I’ve ever met. I love those guys so much that I’m drawing pictures of Invader 898 killing each of them in gruesome fashion. They’re awesome. With any luck, we’ll all move up the bizarro ladder and another group of eager writers will form the next incarnation of the NBAS.

Q. What the hell made you want to become a writer?

A. I’ve always been creative. When I was a kid, I wanted to either write or draw comic books, but when I was fifteen, I decided once and for all that I wanted to be a novelist. So I started teaching myself to write, and I’ve been trying to grow and evolve my work ever since then. Thankfully, I fell in with Eraserhead Press, a bunch of weirdos I look up to who deemed me worthy enough to join their ranks. I’ve not only met some of my favorite authors, I got to hang out with them. We’re all pals now. Fifteen-year-old David would shit his pants if he saw me now.

Q. You draw crazy violent pictures and make wicked sick toys, any other secret talents?

A. I can play the harmonica with my anus

(Interviewer note: It's not secret if there's a YouTube video of it.)

Q. ALL TIME favorite bad guy from books or movies?

A. Cain from Robocop 2, a big robot with a drug-dealer’s brain. Robot AND drug-dealer? Even I find that despicable.

Q. What are you working on right now?

A. A lot of different stuff. Mainly promoting Carnageland, but I’m also illustrating a few comic strips that’ll be coming out in the fall. Jordan Krall is writing them and I’m doing the art. It’s going to be really weird and will explode many skulls.

Q. Who said, “Also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.” ?

A. Walter Sobchak, who is a great American by the way. He doesn’t fuckin’ roll on Shabbos and neither should anyone else.

( Interviewer note: High Five!)

Q. Why does David Barbee write Bizarro fiction and not vampire romance novels?

A. Because I hate money.

Q. If you could pick six horror movies for an all night horror movie marathon what would they be?

A. Braindead, The Fly, Re-Animator, American Werewolf in London, and the Thing.

( Interviewer note: I assume the sixth that he didn't want to share with you is Critters)

Q. How far would you have made it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. I sneak away from the crowd as they gawk at machine that makes chocolate hearts for Valentine’s Day that have actual heartbeats. I make my way to Wonka’s office, and I only have to slit three Oompa Loompa throats in the process. Inside Wonka’s office, I rob his safe, because he has half a fucking safe and that’s ridiculous.

Q. A mummy or The Creature from the Black Lagoon?

A. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Frankenstein and Dracula are classics, but where’s the love for the lizard/fish guy? Everybody writes these romantic vampire or werewolf books. Hell, even Frankenstein and the mummy probably have some erotica based on them. But nobody wants to fuck the lizard/fish guy? That’s not cool. Show the Creature some LOVE, ladies.

Q. Are you stepping in the ring for the Bizarro Showdown at Bizarrocon this year?

A. Yeah. I have no idea what I’m going to do or say. If people want to send me ideas for how to win the Showdown, give me a shout!

Q. I read on a bathroom wall that September 11, 2010 is intergalactic Carnageland Day, please for the love of Cthulhu tell me more!

A. The bathroom wall speaks true. September 11th is going to be an extravaganza of cosmic dimensions. On that day, we’re all going to attack Carnageland’s Amazon page, causing an awesomeness overload that may blow up Seattle. I want people to tag, review, and BUY (for yourself or a friend) my book. You can even call bookstores and tell THEM to buy it, then read it for free in the store. Same with libraries. In return, Inpire Inc has authorized me to provide the masses with exclusive artwork, customized action figures, and many other treasures. So if you help Carnageland, by all means tell me so, because I’m rewarding your service and there are only NINE action figures in this batch!
(Interviewer note: I HUGELY support this. I think all of you should join the party and buy Carnageland on September 11, 2010)
(Interviewer note: Dude,I will fist fight for one of those action figures!)

Q. Quick, name drop five great Bizarro talents!

A. CM3, Kevins Donihe & Shamel, Jordan Krall, and Cameron Pierce. Wish I could add more.

(Interviewer note: Between Barbee and I the word 'Krall' appears 30 times in this interview. That's more than 'the', 'and', and 'fuck'. And that's why we call him Boss Krall...okay 31.)

DEATHMATCH Question

Q. After months of internet death threats the time has come for YOU (David Barbee) and Jordan ‘Boss’ Krall to settle your differences once and for all. The two of you meet at the official set of Bloodsport. You are both wearing monster truck driver coveralls with bright patches for your sponsors. Garrett Cook wraps all of your fists in double sided tape, gives you each a chug of whiskey, then smashes the bottle into a box full of shattered bottles. You and Krall stand trucker cap to trucker cap and roll your fists in the glass; trying to get as many large shards to stick to your knuckles as possible. Your soul patch twitches and growls. Krall’s beard changes color three times before settling on maroon. At the exact same instant you two are about to begin the fight of your life the far set wall collapses under the weight of a flood of zombified 80’s television stars! Do you team with your arch nemesis before Uncle Jesse can tear you to shreds? Do you cheap shot the shit out of him and run?

You have 1000 words to describe the carnage and the outcome!

A:
Mr. Belvedere steps forward and slices through Krall’s flabby stomach, spilling ropes of bloody tentacles. The fat dead butler pushes Krall to the floor. Krall scrambles away only to slip on one of his own gut-tentacles. His glasses are broken, he’s puking green stuff, and Belvedere looms above him. Barbee’s fist suddenly smashes through Belvedere’s gooey face, splashing Krall with necrotic slime. Barbee pulls Krall up to his feet and quickly uses him as a human shield as Webster flies at them like a spider monkey. Webster chews on Krall’s face as Barbee turns to see the Seavers, the Keatons, and the whole cast of the Wonder Years ambling forward. Barbee rips off Krall’s left arm to defend against them. Krall and Barbee are the last two living people in the Kumate now. Webster has his hand down Kralls throat to the elbow, and Barbee bats the snarky little bastard away. Webster goes flying, ricocheting off of the Fat Man and knocking Jake’s head off. The Seavers and the Keatons are still coming. Barbee waves Krall’s arm over his head several times, then cracks it like a whip. He starts beheading corpses while Krall runs around screaming, bright pink slime splashing out of the hole where his arm used to be. Barbee runs through the horde, slaying zombies left and right and accidentally elbowing Krall in the back of the head. A roaring groan fills the arena and the zombies part to reveal the king of them all: Cosby. His sweater is gray, orange, purple, yellow, and red. Cosby’s dead throat screams into the sky and he charges forward. Barbee peels Krall off the floor and quickly lights his hair on fire. Barbee waves fire at the zombies, holding Krall’s stiff skeleton high like a torch. But Cosby isn’t afraid. He tackles Barbee to the floor, but Barbee manages to hold on to his weapon. He uses Krall to club Cosby across the head. Krall’s flaming hair finally snuffs out. He flails against Cosby’s skull until the king of 80’s zombies’ brain liquefies and leaks out of his skull. Without Cosby, the other zombies collapse to the floor, harmless and truly dead. Barbee drops Krall, now a smoking sack of bones. Krall staggers to his feet as Barbee bends down and grabs a handful of MacGuyver’s face. Turning, Barbee is met with a lead pipe through the eye socket. Krall stands victorious, tears of vomit streaming from his melted eyes.

GREAT ANSWER! Killer battle!
Ladies and Gentlemen, David W, Barbee!

You can find David at...
facebook- http://www.facebook.com/david.w.barbee
And his blog (which features chapters of Snufftunes!)- http://davidwbarbee.wordpress.com/
OR skip all that and go straight to amazon.com and make him rich

NEXT UP....GARRETT COOK!!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews David Naughton-Shires

2010-08-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the second interview here on my Monkey Faced Demon Blog.... This time I sent my questions clear to Ireland for David Naughton-Shires!
David is a writer and an artist. Here's what he had to say to my nonsense....

Q. I’ve been impressed with a lot of the things I’ve seen from your design company, The Image Designs, How long have you been designing?

A.
I first started drawing seriously at Art College about 23 years ago but only got into the designing (computer based) about 8 years ago and am totally self trained (yup I am that old that when I went to college we didn’t study computers as part of an art course!!!)

Q. You worked with Robert Cordray on the sweetly titled Grunge Bob Camo Pants, can you tell me a little about it?

A. The character ‘Grunge Bob’ is Robert’s baby he told he was just walking down the road one day and the idea jumped into his head, he had no idea what he looked like beyond he wore Camo Pants and was about 9 years old, had a pet wolf called Shelby (same as his dog’s name) and was an orphan.
He put out a call in the Library of the Living Dead Press forum for someone to illustrate the story and I answered that call. I sent him my first sketch of Grunge Bob and Robert love it 3 months later there was a fully illustrated book being published by The Library of the Living Dead. It will be available (hopefully signed by both of us if we can get them to Ireland and back in time) at Horror realm and via the Grunge Bob website ( http://grungebobcamopants.com)

Q. You’ve also designed some book covers for independent horror authors, care to name drop them?

A. Robert Cordray liked my art so much he has got me to design his next two book covers, his follow up to his book Zombies 101 called Zombies 101:FAQ, and the sequel to his Zombie novel ‘Memoirs of a Haunted Man’ itself called MOAHM: Road to Hell,) The first book cover I did was by Benjamin Rogers for his first book in the Trilogy Of The Undead ‘Faith & The Undead’
Outside of the Zombie genre two other I can mention are an author ‘Made in DNA’ who is an American living in Japan who writes some of the best sci-fi fiction I have read that is most definitely not for minors, and fantasy author Lawrence Button.
One of my favourite recent covers was for Lyle Perez from undeadinthehead.com he has put together a Zombie Christmas Anthology in aid of a local Huggs.org a local charity that assists with foster care

Q. What is keeping you busy currently?

A. Right now I have a lot illustration work going on, already we are nearing completion on the second Grunge Bob book, I’ve been creating a set of 10 character illustrations for an upcoming Graphic Novel called ‘Dead On Earth: Beginnings’ (deadonearth.com) which should be ready for ZomCon I am also writing journal entries for my character Mal Turner for the upcoming novel Dead On earth as well.

I am working with Ben Rogers and his publicist Beth LeFond on a graphic novel version of his book ‘Faith & The & Undead’ which we hope will be at least 6 issues long and hopes to be able to delve deeper into some of the scene mentioned in the book, and on a back burner Ben and I are co-writing a fully illustrated novel called The Templar: True Origins.

Another co-production project I am working on is an illustrated book of poems by a lady who goes by the name of ‘The Poetress of Death’ Angelica Raene (angelicaraene.blogspot.com) we don’t have a publisher yet so any out there who wants a kiss ass publication give me a shout ;)

But wait the list goes on I am working on a full set of Masonic inspired tarot cards, various poster, flyers, logos (my most recent being for a Regatta of all things so it’s not just Horoor) and a new popular area are my PostAds (postcards business cards)

Q. Who is your favorite Dr. Who?

A. Easy Tom Baker, he was MY Dr when I was growing up I shared many an adventure with him on a Saturday evening when I say shared I of course mean he was in the Tardis fighting the Daleks or Cybermen and I was securely ensconced behind the sofa., and yes like all good geeks I know it means Time And Relative Dimensions In Space

( Interviewer note: Go, Daleks, go!)

Q. Cheesy B Horror or polished Hollywood Horror?

A. This unlike the Dr question is not easy, I have to grade each film on its own merits I have (for research purposes of course) been watching a lot of Zombie Movies recently and my favs are still either ZombieLand or of course Shaun of the Dead (Simon Pegg is of course a comedy god!!) but I have seen many B movies that are just crap and many Hollywood movies which are also shite. If I HAD to choose one Hollywood Horror movie it would be Silence of the lambs it just really freaks me out and all the cast are perfect for the characters they portray (I was disappointed Jodie Foster didn’t reprise her role in Hannibal) and as for Cheesy B movie that would have to be

Q. Who said, “That rug really tied the room together. Did it not?”?

A. No idea maybe I’ll Google it later (see how honest I am I could have just done a Google search and sounded all knowledgeableish)

(Interviewer note: David, honesty is good, The Big Lebowski is better.)

Q. Are there any good stories or legends around where you live?

A. I live in Ireland so plenty of tales of fairies and I don’t mean the glowy Tinkerbell sort I mean honest to goodness child stealing devil breed but none really stick out above the other. One popular tales is of the fairy rings they are circles found in fields where nothing grows and the little people are said to dance in them in the MoOn light

Q. As an artist and a writer do you share inspirations for both? Or does something inspire you to write where as something else will make you want to draw?

A. Sometimes I’ll be inspired to draw and as I am drawing I have the urge to write about it, to be honest they usually work hand in hand. I have drawn many pictures that do not have prose connected to them but have yet to write anything that I haven’t drawn at least one picture to accompany it. If asked was I a writer who also drew or the other way round I would say I am an artist that sometimes writes.

Q. Vampires or Werewolves?

A. Werewolves that’s easy, I think because of the whole romantic aspect of vampires they are the pussies of the horror realm but Werewolves now there is a creature totally animalistic without any form of human boundaries’, I am a huge fan of True Blood but am finding it hard to see the dog beast being pets to the vampires, just a side note here guys….. ‘vampires do not sparkle in the daylight they scream in pain, smolder, burst into flames and experience the ‘true death’ they do not bloody (I would use a stronger word but am not sure of Mr MoOns BLOG etiquette ) twinkle!!!

(Interviewer note: We watch our fucking mouths around here!)

Q. How far would you have made it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. I am sorry to say I would probably have been the Augustus Gloop of the group but not for chocolate, now a room full of aniseed twists or peanut MM’s. I would not have been able to resist for those of you who have seen a picture of me (sorry hope your eyes are better now!!) I am a large man and like my food so would probably have suffered an early death if I managed to become the owner of the factory, and eaten all the profits.

Q. Favorite super hero and why?

A. So I see what ya doing setting me up with easy questions to lure me into a false sense of security then you’re going to give me a really hard I know what ya doing!!!

The Batman: he is dark, with real honour he is not constrained by the law but still works within the ideals of justice he is not afraid to dish out a bit of pain but will not take a life intentionally. Despite being born with a silver spoon he didn’t just sit back and cry about the tragedies on his life he got up and did something about them (albeit a little strange) . From a costume point of view I just love the design and it works as it is supposed to by working on our fears.

(Interviewer note: I am the Batman.)

Q. Can you tell me some goals or hopes you have for this next year?

A. In the next year I would like to win the lottery and retire to a small cottage on the moors and draw and watch horror movies and crime series all day whilst being waited on by a staff of young brunette temptresses, if that doesn’t work out I’d like to be doing what I am doing now but being in a position where I could realistically make the art and writing a full time job I think that is most author/artists dreams. I’d like to have been published as a writer and see more of my art out there and to be recognised for what I do.

Q. I loved putting THE Dunwoody on the spot with this so…..Quick, namedrop five great independent talents!

A. Danny Kelly – He is a fantastic artist from New Jersey with a wonderful style all of his own and I believe he is one to watch.
(http://www.facebook.com/dannydog)

Benjamin Rogers – Bens first book Faith and The Undead for me was a turning point in Zombie fiction, he has managed to combine Faith and Horror without being all up in your face about his own beliefs.
( http://benjamincrogers.com)

Kody Boyle - hope he doesn’t take this wrong when I say he has a bit of growing to do but what young man of his age doesn’t but I can wholeheartedly say he is an awesome author and will be going far.
(http://kodyboye.com/)

Kevin Noel Olson - he isn’t a horror writer he actually writes children’s fantasy fiction (his main series tells the story of a young girl Eerey Tocsin's and her fantastical group of friends) but he does it with so much talent I honestly envy him, but have to admit I would not want to be in his head .
(http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eerey-Tocsin/111362268295?ref=ts)

Nat Jones – he is an incredible artist who has worked with Rob Zombie when he illustrated Nails, a horror comic book, but my favourite of his work is ’68 a Zombie story set in the heated jungles of Vietnam (loved the story so much I have all three versions of the comic book (two covers and it’s appearance in a collection, which I have signed by Nat)
(http://www.natjones.com)

(Interviewer note: Now that is how you name drop!!!)

DEATHMATCH QUESTION

Q. Okay David, since you are such a killer artist we are gonna try something different….make me a picture of what would happen if zombies interrupted The Mad Hatter and The March Hare’s Tea Party. Make it violent.

A. With the questions about Willie Wonka and Batman the picture I drew is highly influenced by Jonny Depp and the Joker but I coloured it in a hope to give it’s own look. Thanks for the opportunity I really enjoyed doing this one 

KILLER!!!!! Thanks for taking the time to yak with me, David!
Ladies and Gentlemen, David Naughton-Shires!

You can find David....
web site http://theimagedesigns.com/
blog http://theimagedesigns.wordpress.com/
facebook http://www.facebook.com/david.naughtonshires

NEXT UP....David Barbee!!!!!

Mr. Moon Interviews THE Dunwoody

2010-08-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm very excited to kick off the first of many interviews with people in independent horror. The first up to bat is none other than David Dunwoody. When I first discovered independent horror Dave was one of the first people to befriend me. He has been an honest and supportive friend for as long as i have known him. When I posted something on my facebook asking for interview volunteers he was first in line.
Also, he writes great freakin' horror! He is the author of one of my all-time favorite zombie novels (Empire) and the wicked dark Unbound and Other Tales. I was lucky enough to corner David and ask him a few questions.....

Q. Let’s start at the beginning….tell me about your influences. Now, by this I mean anything that influences the darkness you scribe, not just the authors that inspired you. But be sure to throw them in too. Why does Dave Dunwoody write horror instead of romance novels?

A. Maybe it's because I largely define myself and others by our fears, or because I think the pallor of a supernatural beast casts an interesting light on the human condition. Those are certainly a couple of the reasons why I adore Lovecraft and Barker so much. But as far as the raw ideas that influence me, a great deal of them come from my nightmares. When I say "nightmare" I don't necessarily mean a dream that makes me afraid or uncomfortable. THOSE sort of nightmares are boring. Those nightmares have me unable to remember my locker com at school, or working again for the IRS.

No, the nightmares that inspire me are certainly strange and frightful, but I awaken with a feeling of excitement. I recently started work on a story which is based on a nightmare from several months ago. I wasn't able to fully wrap my head around it until another nightmare last month. I don't know what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I always go to sleep hoping I'll receive another bizarre transmission.

Q. Can you remember your first published piece?

A. My first published work of fiction would be "Franchise" in The Hacker's Source magazine back in 2004. It's a story about a writer and his demons (I didn't know dick back then about being a professional writer, but I knew demons) and is one of the stories that led to the titular novel in my most recent collection, UNBOUND & OTHER TALES.

Q. What have you been working on lately?

A. I've got a slew of new zombie stories floating around right now, being considered by various markets...recently completed editing and saw the formatted version of my Lovecraftian sci-fi/apocalyptic novel, THE HARVEST CYCLE...and in September I'll be starting work on a new novel.

Q. Fast zombies or slow zombies?

A. Both, and any other type that's out there. RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is my favorite zombie flick (though it's often forced to duke it out with DAWN '78) because of the wild variety of undead and the possibilities it opened up in my young imagination. Like any other zombiphile, I worship Romero and I do draw a line where I have to say, "These aren't zombies to me," but I'm willing to check out anything and I think it's great that so many different visions of the zompocalypse are being realized in print, particularly in the small press.

Q. My favorite character of your creation is Sharpe from Unbound. One bad mofo. Can you tell me about him and his universe?

A. That story I mentioned earlier, "Franchise," was an update of something I wrote back when I was 17 (back when I knew even less about writers and demons). That was the first Sharpe story. Sharpe is a murderous modern-day outlaw and the fictional creation of an author named Matthew Rudd. In UNBOUND, it seems that Sharpe has come to life in some form. This may sound like a familiar premise - Pygmalion with a homicidal twist, or some split-personality retread - but just when you begin to understand the truth, the novel takes a violent turn into left field. Then another. And you're in no man's land. The mystery surrounding Sharpe reveals another world where every ancient legend and tall tale is true.

Q. Whiskey, water, or coffee?

A. In that order.

Q. Okay, I’ve waited as many questions as I could, when is Empire 2 coming out? And for the love of Cthulhu tell me a little about it!

A. I think the timetable for EMPIRE 2 hinges on the performance of the first book's re-release by Simon & Schuster. Things are going well so far, but there's always room for one more, as Death might say - so check it out!

(Possible EMPIRE spoilers follow)

The sequel picks up with the Reaper continuing to hunt zombies in a world that has been ravaged for more than a century. This time, he's trying to track down the survivors of the first book, who have relocated to a safe zone where the U.S. government is attempting to rebuild civilization. But the Reaper is being tracked himself - not only by a pack of sideshow curiosities-turned-undead, but a very special zombie from the first novel who has transformed into something greater, and who now feasts on his fellow ghouls - but what he's really hungering for is the Reaper.

Q. How far would you make it through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

A. I'd flip out in that claustrophobic hallway. I don't even think I'd get any goddamn candy. What's that guy's problem?

(Interviewer note: He is a sugar Sadist.)

Q. Who said, “You wanna’ toe? I can get you a toe, by three o’clock; with nail polish?”

A. A lot of people would credit John Goodman with that line, but they just don't know the real story of Ronald McDonald.

Q. Where do you think independent horror will be in three and a half years?

A. Still independent. That's the only sure answer I can give. Three and a half years? What happens in 2014? Are you threatening me?

(Interviewer note: David is a wee bit paranoid.)

Q. Can I get your opinions on the recent rash old horror movie remakes?

A. I think any remake - warranted or not - can be interesting. But most of them are horseshit. Then again, most movies are horseshit. I'm not trying to be all "fuck the man," but really, most mainstream content is watered-down crap by definition. It's just becoming more blatant with this remake epidemic. I'd take a dozen DTV sequels over a reboot any day.

...With exceptions, of course. There are some recent remakes I dig. I like it when a filmmaker really tries to reimagine the concept and make a NEW movie, even if it doesn't work.

Q. Speaking of that what’s your favorite Disney movie?

A. Condorman

(Interviewer note: Hells yes!)

Q. Quick, name drop five great independent talents!

A. James Melzer, Gregory L. Hall, Louise Bohmer, Peter Clines...and that Moon guy!

That's right off the top of my head. I could go on and on. I'm honored to know so many rising talents in the small press, and I can't name them all. I'm going to get in trouble now. Damn you.

(Interviewer note: I did this to David on purpose.

because I'm a devious bastard. For a guy that writes darker than Lovecraft's tomb he is a social butterfly. If he could of he would have listed everyone he knows. Dave, I'm twisting that into a blurb, somehow, someway.)

Q. Do you have any advice for the aspiring horror writer?

A. 1 - Read. Always read. Read different genres. As John Green said, it's a writer's only true apprenticeship. 2 - Welcome criticism and consider constructive comments, even if you ultimately don't agree. And, as I read somewhere: if you believe all the good comments about your work, you've got to take the negatives into account as well. 3 - and this one I didn't steal from somebody else - PROSTRATE YOURSELF BEFORE THE COSMIC SLUG. SWEAR ETERNAL LOYALTY TO HIS OBSCENE WILL!

Okay, I stole that one from Nicholas Sparks.

DEATH MATCH QUESTION……

Q. Okay, Dave, it’s the tag team match of the millennia and I need you to describe it. I’ll give you the competitors and the location and in a thousand words or less describe the carnage. In one corner H.P. Lovecraft and a mystery Monster God tag team partner! In the other corner Stephen King and a hideous beast of his creation! The battle ground is the campus grounds of Misakatonic University around lunch time.

DING-DING!

A. Oh boy. Brace yourself Jon - extreme fanboy turbulence ahead.

I'm sorely tempted to pit my favorite Mythos deity, Nyarlathotep, against the Lovecraftian entity from my favorite novel, IT - but I don't know that either could truly be killed! The collateral damage might very well wipe us all out before the smoke ever cleared. If these beings were to come into conflict over a common interest - say, a community and its weak-willed human residents - I think each would employ said humans in their battle of wills. Perhaps a group of Nyarlathotep worshippers versus "dogsbodies" spellbound by It in order to perform grunt work. And those probably wouldn't even do physical battle, at least not at first.

But where's the fun in that?

So rather than that or a battle across psychic planes, let's take an avatar of Nyarlathotep, and one of It, and pit them against one another in a proper comic-book style deathmatch.

Mr. King has just finished a Q&A at MU and is crossing the campus when the sky goes dark. Pitch dark. Every fragment of light blotted from the sky by an oppressive blanket of black clouds.

Lovecraft is back, and with the Shining Trapezohedron has summoned the fearsome Haunter of the Dark! The bat-like silhouette rises behind Lovecraft, somehow darker than the sudden night which surrounds it - save for a fiery three-lobed eye from which King recoils in mortal terror. It is only his horror-writer reflexes that save his life, for the Haunter's gaze can strike its victims dead.

Now, King has his own ace in the hole - hole meaning the sewer opening at the bottom of the sloping quad. A metal grate explodes outward, scissoring two gaping co-eds in half as the monstrous Spider tears out onto the lawn! Fifteen feet in height, with massive, crushing mandibles and hatefully-gleaming eyes, the Spider rears up in front of King, standing between him and the Haunter.

The Spider's form is not Its true one, but it is the closest approximation that the terrified onlookers' minds can comprehend. For this reason the Spider is trapped in this physical body, and must enter into battle - and It does.

It leaps into the air as the Haunter streaks forward, latching onto the belly of the flying beast and sinking Its dripping stinger into the thing's bloated midsection. The Haunter lets out a piercing sound, and as its burning eye surveys the campus, freshmen are dropping dead left and right. Somehow, despite this terrible darkness, they are able to observe the two monsters as they crash into the side of the math building. The Haunter beats its wings furiously, pinning the Spider there, grinding Its back into shattered brick and glass. The Spider thrusts the hot stinger deeper. The Haunter glares down into the Spider's eyes. Two entities empowered by fear lock gazes, and for one fraction of a second, each sees what writhes beneath the glamour of the other.

The Spider mewls and thrusts the Haunter away with all Its strength. The stinger pulls free. The Spider crashes to the sidewalk below, followed by a rain of debris from the building.

Stunned both by fear and pain, It scuttles uncertainly toward King, who barks at it like he's at a Red Sox game. Lovecraft's expression is stoic as his hand directs the Haunter to pursue It.

The Haunter instead circles slowly overhead. What it glimpsed, albeit briefly - albeit contained by Its physical form - makes the Haunter hesitate to attack. It can't look into the Spider's eyes again.

Meanwhile, the stumbling arachnid plows into a campus security officer, pulping him against his patrol car. The Spider shakes Itself back into awareness and turns toward Lovecraft. Races forward with horrifying speed.

The Haunter's wings drop over It, and the Spider feels itself ripped into the air and flung. The black world spins around It. Glass shrieks as it plows through the skylight of the new gymnasium, splashing down in the lukewarm water of the swimming pool.

The Haunter swoops through the opening. The Spider scrabbles out of the water. An unlucky dozen onlookers had run into the building to seek shelter, and now find themselves face-to-face with both nightmares. The Spider lances a girl on Its foreleg and hurls her at the Haunter. The flying beast swats her into the far wall and drops down.

The other students crumple, some falling into the pool, as the tri-lobed glower of the Haunter strikes down each in turn. There is now only Nyarlathotep and It. The building shudders as the Haunter's wings churn the air just over the Spider's weaving head.

But the Haunter has made a fatal error. It has slain all those who held the Spider in their eye line, whose shared vision kept It trapped in this form.

It knows what Nyarlathotep, in this avatar, fears. It knows the fiend's weakness - light. And now it can open its eyes wide and draw the Haunter into what it glimpsed before

(the deadlights)

and with a baleful cry, the Haunter is torn asunder, bleeding away into shadow even as the artificial night over the campus fades.

The Spider cannot enjoy its victory. It is weak. It lumbers through the double doors and back to the sewer, giving King a nasty look as it passes him by.

"I didn't think I had a snowball's chance in Hell," King murmurs.

Lovecraft tells him, "Your Spider dreads a different sort of agelessness. Nyarlathotep is no child."

"So...next time?" King says.

"Next time...I think I'll play Abdul Alhazred."

"That frees up Flagg for me." King shakes Lovecraft's hand and starts off. Good day. He sees the halved sewer grating embedded in his car's hood and mutters, "Shit."

Somewhere, Lovecraft smiles.

Damn. Good answer. Ladies and gentlemen, David Dunwoody!

You find find more of Dave at his amazon authors page.....
http://www.amazon.com/David-Dunwoody/e/B002BMKA3W/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

Or, he is fancy enough to have a website named after him, check it out for news and links to FREE stories.... www.daviddunwoody.com

NEXT TIME.....David Naughton-Shires!!!!

Mr. Moon and the Big Poetry Contest

2010-08-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

So a group of us from The Library of Horror and The Library of The Living Dead have got together and built up a few crazy cool prize packages stuffed with killer books. Just cuz I like you I'll tell you some details. Easy, just write us a terrible poem. A wicked sick poem.
Tim, Tonia, Zak, and I will be judging the entries. Hurry contest ends Aug 27th!!!!!!

Follow the linky for more info and a list of the killer prizes....http://libraryofthelivingdead.lefora.com/2010/07/28/the-fetid-poet-bad-poetry-contest-win-tons-of-free/?vm=11#post11

Mr. Moon and the Wicked SICK Cover

2010-08-04T11:35:00.001-07:00

I gots something wicked to show you..........

Mr. Moon's Introduces the TOC for The Library of Horror's first ever Bizarro Horror Antho

2010-07-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

Oh, hells yes.
Clear back at the beginning of the year me and good buddy and kick ass publisher Doc Pus were talking about our love of the new Bizarro genre sparking new life into literary fiction. As someone raised hearing King and Koontz on long family drives horror has been ingrained in me. As I grew my tastes in books and stories darkened. Then twisted. Now, I almost only read independent fiction. I think in general it is farrrrr more entertaining than the bullshit the New York Times best selling list is attempting to thrust down your gullet.
Like a serial killer that has followed the "traits" of most I can't go back. I can't gut hookers for a year and then think smashing a dogs head in will be the same. Okay, so what I mean is the more I read Bizarro the more I love it. King and Koontz are distant memories for me. I need more from my fiction. Doc gave me the chance to put together The Library of Horror's first ever Bizarro Horror Antholgy and I jumped at it. I had to dig through over 80 stories to bring you this and I must say it is wicked. I recived some stories from some truly amazing writers. I am HONORED to present to you,
The TOC....

Bizarro Horror

SIDE A
NEON GUTTER MEAT- Jordan Krall
Consumer's Paradise- Patrick D'Orazio
The Claws That Catch- P.D. Hansen
Fowlness- Stephanie Kincad
Another Double Helix Day in Taillertown-Ben McElroy
New Age-Rick Coonrod
Peni- Mari Mitchell
Real Love Burns-Jonathan Moon

SIDE B
Hit and Fun- Garrett Cook
Guy WHo Got a Headache- Matt Nord
All Due Stories in Good Time- Timothy W. Long
The Aircrash Bureau (or, How Johnny Carson and General Patton Hi-Jacked a Space Shuttle to Get Back on the Air)-Nick Cato
You'll Be Grated When Your Dead- Ruth Imeson
PING!- Christopher Fox
Drain Angel- Cameron Peirce

So ther you have it. I am very proud of this collection. I have a number of stories that I've learned a little about and I gotta again say i am HONORED to present this. Edits and cover work is all ready underway. I'll keep you all in the loop as it slouches towards completion.
Thanks for stopping by and tell your friends.

MoOn

Mr. Moon and His Demons

2010-05-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

A year ago I self published my first book, HEINOUS. Now, I was totally new to the horror scene, and to be honest, writing in general. The idea for HEINOUS sunk into my brain and it kicked and clawed over and over as it came to life. A strange energy filled me and carried me through the exhausting process that is writing your first book. When I finished all I knew is I had written a book....I knew nothing of the extensive and supportive independent horror underground....and I wanted to share it with everyone. So, I found a "deal"( kinda' like paying someone money while you fuck you own ass). HEINOUS was released to the world! But it wasn't what I saw in my minds eye. I rushed....I wanted the story out so bad I skipped and skimmed over it...I made mistakes. The cover, by Cameron Price the dude that did Mr. Moon's Nightmares, was the thing I was proudest of. Too many mistakes and straight shitty layouts inside teamed with an extremely over priced list price to make it one of the most ridiculous "deals" I've ever been a part of.

And then.....I wrote my collection of short stories, Mr. Moon's Nightmares.....find it here...
http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Moons-Nightmares-Jonathan-Moon/dp/1451577249/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272462681&sr=1-1

and got accepted for a handful of upcoming anthologies. Through it all I began to gain confidence and comfort in my style. I took a chance and sent copies of HEINOUS to just a few people. And today I am incredibly proud to announce that Doc Pus and Library of Horror will be allowing me to RE-RELEASE HEINOUS!!!!!!!!

More gore, more heartache, more twisted dreams, and MORE HEINOUS!!!!! I will add at least 50,000 words and give it a good professional edit. I'm very, very, very, excited about this, friends. HEINOUS is a wicked and unique beast and I'm honored to have Doc and crew from The Library behind me as I rework it. So, dear friends, tell everyone you know....HEINOUS IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Moon's Random Line-A-Palooza

2010-04-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited for the upcoming release of Mr. Moon's Nightmares that I'm going to give you, dear friend, an exclusive one-line excerpt from each of the twenty-two stories that come to life with-in the pages of Mr. Moon's Nightmares! Enjoy!

Back When Beulah Was Beautiful~

"Don't mind blocking the door, the tombstones will trip them up tonight."

Grasshopper Season~

"Jerry hated grasshoppers because they ate his grandpa. Then they ate his Pa."

Owing Ira~

"I can also admit I've never seen a more beautiful dead girl."

The Full Moon Express~

"The strange and different monsters inside of Leon are always hungry."

Grasshopper Season 2~

"Do you believe in killer grasshoppers and vegetarian hermits?"

A Pretty Death~

"She looked like a green-eyed goddess leaving flames but walking towards hell still."

Grasshopper Season 3~

"I think he is getting crazier. Last night he strangled me while we were screwing."

HEINOUS (the Limerick)~

"From the abyss rose a demon named Heinous"

Little Box of Ladybugs~

"These things are real pissers, but I can train them."

Grasshopper Season 4~

"He hears their song call the flies to the blood."

Handful of Nails and A Lottery Ticket~

"Did I tell her she screamed "IA!" at me..."

Parched~

"OOOOOOOO, pretty wood."

Grasshopper Season 5~

"The unmistakable crack of a rifle thunders from outside and the man in the pickup behind tem starts nodding his head at the sound."

What Really Happened to "Dirty" Dick Wilkins~

"He told me the stone keeps strange Nallof alive and as long as they stay here her people can't die!"

Grasshopper Season 6~

"Now, as the swarm darkens the sky around St. Jim's the town begins it's second death rattle."

Witch Hunt Sunrise~

"Last night the Devil crept in and craved his sign on my palm."

God Dog~

"His face is calm. He really does believe."

Grasshopper Season 7~

"It is older than most of the stars in the sky and has been buried half in the Earth since it was formed; an ageless cosmic parasite with unrelenting hunger."

Wasp Stings and Fever Dreams~

"I saw God and they touched me."

Letter From A Mineshaft~

"So here I sit, zombie-bit."

Grasshopper Season 8~

"There is something in the air; a feeling as dark as the ashes and soot floating there."

Through the Thistle and Through the Woods~

"She told me we could dance together in the moonlight..."

So there you go; a true teaser. The time approaches and soon Mr. Moon's Nightmares will be upon us all!

2010-04-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy getting Mr. Moon's Nightmares all cleaned up and published (Mere days away, I assure you, my friends) that I've neglected to mention some of the other projects I'm involved in this year. As far as years go, this one is fittin' to be wicked!
First up, my story "Conversing Doctor DeFeo" is in Jason Baker's Abandoned. Jason Baker is a very talented photographer that specializes in decrepit....uh, abandoned buildings. He invited five different young horror writers to write a story based on a folder of photos. The result is a book that oozes the creepy. T.H. Davis, Todd Martin, Stephen W. Roberts, Seb Naylor, and I each have a story inspired by Jason's eerie photos. Five very different writers plus Mr. Baker's haunting photos creates one hell of a experience for you. And best of all, I've been invited back for the next one! Mr. Baker plans on having it ready by September.
You can order Abandoned here....
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1209915
Jason also has a collection of photos you can't live without here....
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/751896

I'm very, very proud of my story "Notches On A Tomahawk" and it's slot in The Zombist. Seriously, this big-bad-mama-jama is 30 (!!!!!) different Wild West Zombie stories! I'm along side one of my favorite writers, Eric S. Brown, and a grip of my brothers and sisters from over at The Library of the Living Dead. I predict you needing at least three copies of this. Should be out within the next few months!

I was lucky enough to get a chance at a two writer collaboration these past few months and I gotta say, "it was crazier than Robin Williams on crack." Timothy W. Long (Among the Living and The Zombie-Wilson Diaries) and I hashed out and hammered flat the single most insane thing I've ever been apart of, The Apocalypse and Satan's Glory Hole. This book has elements of horror, Bizarro, satire, and is above else violently funny. And yes, I said that with a straight face, violently funny, okay, that time I giggled, but it's still true. As it turns out not only is Tim Long an extremely funny and talented dude but he is just an over-all mad man. He gave our monster (113k words!) TWO editing passes before sending it to the editor! And he made this wicked ole blog for you, just for you.....

http://www.satansgloryhole.com/

I'm currently keeping my self busy writing short stories for Mr. Moon's Nightmares Volume 2 and a second even stranger collection I'm using the working title "Babylonians in Bethlehem" for. As well as a MONSTER collab with eighteen other writers on ONE big ass novel! I'll keep you posted but you can follow Matt Nord's blog about it here....
http://collaborationofthedead.blogspot.com

Of course, as I know more so will you. Thanks for stopping by and have a stellar day!

Mr. Moon's Beautiful Disturbing Thing

2010-03-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

Feast your eyes upon the face of the beast!
Check it out boys and girls...the cover mockups for Mr. Moon's Nightmares!
My good buddy Cameron Price did the front cover art, a piece named "My Friend Moon." Dan Galli did the back cover sketch and he put all the craziness together. It is kinda' hard to read clear down there under the shack but there is a blurb from Eric S. Brown (author of Season of Rot, Bigfoot War, How the West Went to Hell, and a TON more).
The innards are just as crazy cool, sorry no preview, with truly original formatting by Kody Boye and an ass kicking forward by another good buddy (and co-author) Timothy Long (Among the Living, Zombie -Wilson Diaries). Not to mention, twenty two killer stories by yours truly.

Just in case you can't read the back cover (or didn't feel like clicking on them)....

I want to take you away.
To a place where beauty and madness walk hand in hand.
The trees whisper and screams shatter the silence.
Curses stain where evil lies yet the view remains serene
and breathtaking.

I want to show you things

Dark and terrible things that dwell down overgrown paths
and in the hearts of men. We'll see cosmic terrors,
legendary monsters, and ancient horrors along the way.
Your tears will fall and your pulse will race.
Reality will twist and bare it's teeth.

Here in my nightmares.

Sweet dreams.

So soon....start saving your pennies....Mr. Moon's Nightmares is coming soon...so soon

Mr. Moon's Army of Hoodoo Dolls

2010-03-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

I've abandoned the way of the warrior. Don't worry I now spend my time mastering the Dark Art of Hoodoo. It's darker and more redneck than it's far more popular cousin, Voodoo.
I shake Malevolent and rattle Omniscience.
It's exhausting and painful but I do it for you.
For us.
So we can be better connected.
Mr. Moon's Nightmares is burping and lurching forward, like a beast towards Babylon, into reality. So very soon my nightmares will be your nightmares. To celebrate it's release I've made a Hoodoo Doll of you. Not to hurt you dear friend, but allow that paranoia to wash over you. It makes the nerves tingle and you shouldn't deprive yourself. Refreshing, I know, how to feel alive. Back to the doll.
I must say, the likeness is nearly madding. Your face so tiny on this little rag doll. You look happy for what it's worth. And the magic hasn't even begun.
Once you get your hands on Mr. Moon's Nightmares a connection will be made between you and your dolly. Comes the magic. It floats on the air electric and smelling of springtime and decay.
When Willie Nelson told me no one heard Pancho's dying words I got sad.
Sometimes sad is good. It stirs inside you and you feel it. Congratulations! You're alive.
Back When Beulah Was Beautiful will make you sad. As you read I'll watch your dolly frown.
But, you'll feel it. And be alive.
I want you to feel it. I want you to feel something.
Every tale in Mr. Moon's Nightmares is a shot to your brain. From my nightmares to your mind. Don't fight it, just roll with it. Let it take you away. That's all I want is to take you away.
Shed reality for an hour. As you read I'll watch your doll's face change. Cringe and grin. Frown and pop.
I shake Malevolent and rattle Omniscience.
Mr. Moon's Nightmares is coming soon.

Mr. Moon meets The Machine

2010-03-13T17:46:00.000-08:00

Hello World.

I can see you now with my new eyes. At first they burned and itched as the circuits burrowed into them but I couldn't quit there. The burn turned to numbness as burns often do and these new eyes itch only when I look at you. I assure you the rhyming is a side effect of the transformation and I don't dance that way in public any more.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
The wires fed into me under my finger nails and toenails. I can tap my toes to synthetic tunes but walking is a distant thought on a drunken daybreak. My fingers tap...tap...tap....twisting the signal from my brain (or mainframe as it now wishes to be known) into something for you, Dear World, to read. My thoughts are words and pictures. My thoughts are distant vistas and vacuous dangers. My thoughts are carnage and carnal all in the same small shack. The door slams in the breeze. Something manevolent stirs.
My fingers move as my mainframe directs. I am a tool, my mainframe told me. My mainframe hates my style. I hate my mainframe.
At least I'm no longer hollow. I keep my soul in a locket clipped to my Prince Albert. Wires and circuit boards fill my chest now. Red and green criss-cross orange and blue and lights blink when they see it's you. The side effects continue to mount, I'll let my soul dangles in safety away from the machine in side me.
That is the most prudent course of action, I think we can all agree.
A lie. Compromise died a foul death; chemical weapons melted it's eyes and suckled it's bones clean.
Enough, my mainframe tells me, I need to recharge. Kill Oedipus and rape the story. No blood no glory. Blood dries brown and chips from my new wires.
My thoughts are numbers and I can not count.

I'll put them in books for you to read.